The man I am having an affair with ....does he have rights?

Question

I am planning to leave my husband in 2007. We haven't been getting along since his affair in 2003. Now I am having an affair and the man I am having this affair with is uneasy because I told him that I slept with my husband this weekend. He wanted details....I know I shouldnt be having an affair ..but is it right of my affair mate to be uneasy? Or ask about details??? Dont I have a right to have sex with my husband? YES,..I am sleeping with both.

Answer 1

Heck at this point of "man sharing" why don't you introduce the two and HOPE they get along nicely and you can have your cake and eat it too. OH WAIT...you HAVE been getting cake and eating it too!

I don't mean to sound harsh here.....but was once in a relationship where I was the "other woman"(the home wrecker rather) and though I assumed I was the center of the GUYS world, he was going home playing with his kids, enjoying his wife's yummy cookin' etc. He was "planning" on leaving her soon and I was told to be patient. Well guess what? It never happened and in the mean time I was the one that looked like a harlet.(I was ashamed)

Give your current partner the courtesy of saying "I REALLY want to be with someone else, and have been". If you don't at least say it, there will be no room for your partner to try to work things out or try to figure out WHAT he's not giving you what Captain Coolness can. Things can't be SO bad at home that you haven't run screaming away, so you need to be an adult(and YES being an adult can be crappy sometimes) and take your lumps.

What if you husband came to you and said, "Honey, I have been sleeping with you and having an affair"? What would you think?

My point is:
Sometimes when you get your cake and eat it too...you end up to be just that.....the chick eating too much cake and missing out on a great life. Listen to the music before the songs over, go with your heart and don't do ANYTHING you wouldn't shout on the rooftops!

Also......your "secret man", if he had ANY balls would INSIST not waiting. Unless of course you are the doormat type.

It all makes sense........do what's right. Truth can bite hard, but lies leave scars on ALL involved.

Answer 2

If a man has an affair with a married woman he has to know he may be sharing. No your affair does not have a right to know this.
It is your business only. It would be like asking your date if she is sleeping with anyone and wanting details. No way.

You are however way out on a limb here. This will not help you in a divorce case. And you may have a man that is a jealous man. This you do not need in your life. He could make it very miserable. And what about all the women he has slept with. Could you be getting a disease. One final gift to your husband.

Answer 3

No, you are right. You should not be sleeping with anyone other than your husband. Would you want to be in your mates shoes? He obviously has developed feelings for you. You have went too far. Why wait until 2007? It is not fair to live a lie to your husband. It is wrong. You need to stay away from your "mate". You need to get your affairs in order with your spouse, whether it is to end it or fix it. You are messing with a human beings emotions. Stop now. You need to tell your husband what you have been doing. What if your mate has a STD and you give it to your spouse? You will have that on top of everything else.

You are messing with lives and emotions everywhere. Stop seeing the mate. End all ties. It isn't fair to him or your husband. Just because you haven't been getting along gives you no right to have an affair. You should seek counseling to see if you can fix your marriage. I hope you do not have children. They know more than you realize. Fix or end it with your spouse before you try to ever have any relationship with any other man again. You need to see what you want before you jump into anything again. Be respectful to yourself and others.

Answer 4

I think you need to make a choice. You shouldn't be having an affair if you are still sleeping with your husband. You either should divorce your husband or break it off with this other guy. You can't have your cake and eat it too. That other guy has no rights. He is sleeping with a married woman and yes he should feel uneasy and he needs to leave you alone and vice - versa

Answer 5

Yes, you should not be having an affair. No, if some fool is running around with you when you have a husband he does not have a right to be upset. He knew you were married and he was stupid to think that your husband would not be getting any.

Two wrongs don't make a right, so when you chose to forgive your husband you took him back with the promise to work things out. Therefore, I hope you don't think that your affair is justified, b'c it is not.

If women did not do sh*t like this then they would not have to worry about their husbands running around on them-they would not have the women to do it with.

Answer 6

Well, this is the trouble with having more than one partner at a time. On the one hand, your marriage is none of your lover's business. On the other, you two have connected, affair or not, and he will naturally be interested in who you are also sleeping with. I would like to pose this for you as food for thought: If you are not getting along with your husband, you both have such small respect for each other, and you plan on leaving him, why are you sleeping with him?

Answer 7

I don't see why you're waiting to leave your husband. If your having an affair with this other guy and you haven't been getting along with your husband, obviously the marriage is over. This is a really messed up situation.

Answer 8

You know, I can't say what you're doing is wrong becuz I've done that myself!! But I was leaving my husband and getting a divorce from him when I met my (boyfriend at the time) husband (now). I slept with my husband becuz we were still married! And ya my bf wanted to know if I did. I told him I did. He didn't ask for details and I'm glad cuz I wouldn't have told him anyway!! But you really need to leave your husband now and not wait! Just becuz he had an affair 3 yrs. ago doesn't make it right for you to have one, but I'm sure you already know this. I worry you're playing with fire. I was when I was in your position and I wound up getting VERY burned! Ya ever heard, "What goes around comes around"? It's very true!!

Answer 9

I think that you should be open and honest. I've ALWAYS told my wife that IF I decide to cheat on her. I will tell her before it happens. I always will vote on the side of honesty. As for whether he has rights or not. I would say that if he already knows you are married before hand, then he is ok with you having another partner and he shouldn't be asking for details in the first place. But I'm not sure thats the best answer either. Affairs of the heart are difficult at best. Good Luck whichever choice you make.

Answer 10

You're in quite a dilemma. No right or wrong answers to your question. Only trade-offs. Many possible scenarios. Obviously you cannot leave your husband right now or you would. This creates a problem. Your lover is probably impatiently waiting for you to get a divorce. I assume he has been told that you have chosen him as your lifetime lover. Yes, this gives him rights and privileges afforded a lover: exclusivity to your love and affection for one. And yet your husband has conjugal rights. This is why affairs are so destructive. They cause overlap and conflict. Both men are being cheated on per se. By now you probably realize that you must choose and you must do it soon or you'll lose them both.