Who am i inside?

Question

When i was really little i was very out going and fun to be around, but when i was in elementray and middle school i was harrassed by the kids and i became this self inclosed book worm. I hardly ever have any friends and i have trouble keeping one for more then two years and i don't know why, though i am sure it is me not them.

I have been having the same dream since i was 6 years old (now 16) and it is about me being noticed by several worlds, in the begging i was a hero and everyone loved me, but as the years progressed i became this monster in my dreams. I would kill people and even come to a point of killing my sister though in both dream and reality i love her.

I am very depressed and yes i am seeing a counsler and a phycatrist i am also on prozac and yes i have heard that it can cause people to be more suicidal and all of that but this was going on way way before any of the counslers and meds. Am i monster inside or is it something deeper,they are starting to scare me

Answer 1

I think it's a pretty normal reaction to the stress you felt when you were a child. Unfortunately the dr's and meds don't appear to be working too much for you. You need to look ahead and think about what a brighter future you could have if you just forgot about what happened in the past. Lots of people have issues....some are able to move on, however, all can't. I hope that you are able to find something in your life that will give you hope for the future. Maybe try to date or if you are already in a relationship, really open up to them so that can understand where you are coming from. You probably tend to hold back from a lot of people and that is perfectly normal. I know this, because I was just like you. A few years I decided to make a change for the better and it's really worked out for the best.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you. You would only be a monster if what you were feeling didn't bother you at all. It clearly bothers you and you want so much to change. Kids can be so cruel and most of the time they are cruel because of their own misery at home. If they have to harass other kids for enjoyment, they are the ones who are in need of help. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it's important to be a friend to yourself first before you can make new ones and quit being so hard on yourself. Continue seeing the doc and taking your meds. You didn't say how long you have been on the Prozac but it takes at least 6-8 weeks to notice any difference. If it has been longer than that, try something different. Don't give up and just know I care.

Answer 3

Your having these bad dreams because, in your life, you are feeling down. That is why you are having such distructive dreams. Your not a bad person. And if there are few people that don't want to be around you, it is only because the chemistry is not right. Not that you are wrong.

Depression is a very hard thing to deal with. Some people have it for a long time. Although you are seeing a doctor, make sure you try to do things to start making yourself feel better.

Let that little girl happiness start to be apart of your life again. I think you were happy with yourself as a child. Try being happy with yourself as a grown up.

There is a saying. Cry and you cry alone....laugh and the world laughs with you.

Try laughing and smiling more and you will see, you will be much happier and people will want to be around you.

Answer 4

You're not a monster. The dreams are just your subconcious's way of dealing with the stress and trauma of your childhood. Speaking as someone who's been in your shoes (I too was popular when little, and now am quite introverted), the depression and the loneliness tend to feed on each other. The best advice I can give you is to keep seeing your counselors, and make an effort to reach out to people when you can. Sometimes, if you pretend to be cheerful long enough, it'll actually cheer you up.

Answer 5

I am definitly not a qualified phyciatrist but I kind of have an idea about your dream.When you were little you liked yourself and felt others liked you.When kids started harrassing you,you withdrew,and started to dislike yourself,perhaps subconsciencly believing what the kids were sayng.You want to strike back at the kids and kill the bad feelings they caused.Your sister is another form of yourself and you feel mad at yourself and also want to end the hurtful feeling you are having so you strike out in your dreams.You can never change the past but you can change how you see the past.Once you realize that kids can be cruel and nothing they said to you is true,that can help.People must realize that the words they say deeply affect others and themselves.Even the words you tell yourself.I learned a long hard lesson about that.What others think of you is not that important,it's what God thinks of you and what you really think of yourself.You are not a monster.

Answer 6

You aren't a monster, many folks with Depression have nightmares, it's part of the illness. I've had similar horrific dreams of loved ones dying & once I was well the dreams went away.

Answer 7

No you are not a monster, you are just imagining that you have become one to others, they will probably just think you are being aloof or snobbish and not understand you are just painfully shy. As for your sister, I would guess you are simply wishing you were as socially at ease as she is. You don't have to pretend you are something you are not just to be popular, you can be yourself, but you have to participate in society unless you can handle becoming a nun, or librarian?

Answer 8

Spirita explains your dreams
Visit http://spirita.blogspot.com/ and post your question as a comment. You'll get your FREE dream interpretation (as a comment, too) shortly. Just remember where you posted your question, your dream interpretation will be under the same section.

Answer 9

you're not alone, believe it or not many people feel similar. Don't think it's only you - if that's any consolation at all.

Answer 10

You are an introvert. Go and socialise or..