My son is 20 yrs old and acts like a shadow. He nags me and follows me throughout the house. I feel like he's

Question

very needy. He asking me for hugs and whats me to go to the store with him. He hangs outside my bathroom door nagging me what am I doing? I feel like exploring. How can I shake him off? I told him to join the recreation center. Get a second job. He's the type of person who talks and does nothing about his actions. What can I do to shake this boy up and make him grow up and get a life???

Answer 1

Maybe make him start paying his bills and learning what life is about.

Answer 2

Wow, you've got both ends of the spectrum, don't ya? OK, here's what you do about your son: Change the locks on your doors and windows, move his things out, and give the extra keys to your daughter. DO NOT back down when you issue the ultimatum that he needs to get his own life. If you have a problem getting him out of the house, call the police and explain the situation to them; they'll get him out, or at the very worst, arrest him for trespassing. Don't worry about his getting mad at you for what you're doing, he'll get over it. Good luck.

Answer 3

maybe he is too needy because he feels how much you want the relationship with your daughters boyfriend and is jealous. You dont give enough info about why he is this way and if it came on all of a sudden or has always been this way. The apple may not have fallen far from the tree....

Answer 4

This kind of thing really needs a whole conversation, not just one question.

If we could have such a conversation, my first question would be: Are you sure it's primarily your son's problem? What we see in our kids is often a reflection of things we've avoided facing in ourselves.

You say your son seems "needy". In general, have you been emotionally available to him, or aloof?

It's very hard for kids to understand their parents's problems. Instead, they tend to take their parents's behavior personally, and assume the blame for their parents's problems.

If you've been distant from your son, he may think it's because he's undesirable, and he may feel fundamentally insecure. If that's what's happened, it's not realistic to expect him to act more independently. He needs a basic foundation of security and self-esteem.

Were you close to your parents? If not, you may have recreated their distant parenting style without realizing it. (As adults, it's amazing what we can do---often unconsciously---to prove that our parents were "right".)

If you open up to your son and give him some real attention, you may find that it boosts his feelings of self-worth and that he stops being so clingy. If he believes you really love him and that you're available when he needs you, he may stop worrying about it and be more free to focus on other things.

Kids (and people in general!) usually crave one thing more than anything else: someone to listen to them. Not someone to give them advice, or to tell them what to do, or to tell them how great they are---just someone who can give them their complete, undivided attention.

Unfortunately, our fast-paced consumer society has conditioned us to have shorter and shorter attention spans, and to seek non-stop stimulation and novelty (so we'll buy more stuff). So for many of us, a simple thing like giving someone our sincere, undivided attention can be a surprising challenge. It takes practice---but when you realize how important it is for your kid's happiness, you can develop that skill.

Here's a good, short page on boosting confidence in boys (it refers to "young boys", but it applies to male kids of all ages):

http://www.better-self.com/Self_Confidence_In_Young_Boys.html

Hope this helps.

Cheers, Ander

Answer 5

If necessary you may have to remove yourself from the home in order to get some down time, without your son. If's he is 20 years old and working then it might also be a suggestion to cut the apron strings and tell him to move out and get a place of his own to live.

Answer 6

Send him to counseling, quickly. A 20 yr old you doesn't have a life of his own is in real trouble. Kicking him out won't help until he's starting developing outside relationships. Counseling will help him to see what he is missing and what he is capable of doing.

Answer 7

Well, MOM stop helping him. Tell him to go and get a jobSay - that stop hanging on to me like a little child- you are a man- so act like one. If he drives a car, then, use that as part of your speech. Just tell him that he needs to grow up and start doing for himself now. Tell him to go forward not backward- MOM!

Answer 8

kick him out of the house. does he have any mental disabilities? if you think he might, there are a lot of agencies to help. if he's just needy, did something happen recently to make him feel that way?

Answer 9

Maybe you should count your blessings. There are alot of mothers with children gone to war and would love to change places with you.

Answer 10

Kick him out