Overstepping the boundaries again?

Question

I am straight. I don't know if my boyfriend is fantasizing about me being with another woman or if he is just trying to offend me. But, he keeps calling me gay. He even asked me tonight if I would be the "butch" one or the "femme" one when I tried talking to him about it. I do not express interest in other women. I like guys. So, why does he keep calling me gay just because I respect peoples' differences? Is he a homophobe? I tried talking to him about this tonight, and he said he does not mind gay women just the gay guys because they have always been kind of mean to him in his experiences. I told him that is only a few experiences he has had though-that's not the whole gay community. I have already posted another question similar to this one. I don't know how to end my relationship with him if he is overstepping the boundaries of humor to verbal abuse. Any suggestions or insights...and please remember, I have already tried talking to him about this behavior of his.

It doesn't hurt my feelings on the word-gay itself. I do not look down upon people who are. I have many friends who are gay/straight, and to be honest, I could care less who is straight, gay, whatever. That is their life. This is mine. It's just the fact that he knows that I don't like being called something that I clearly express to him that I am not that upsets me. So, no...I am not a hypocrite. If anyone thinks that, then I am sorry, that is going against everything I firmly believe in. I guess it's hard to type exactly what I feel. I think more people should be tolerant of each other and look past these things-or embrace them if that needs to be done. Spread the love, not the hate!

Peace,
Zombies8mytofu

Answer 1

time to get another boyfriend

Answer 2

Yeah, I read about this a few months ago. Basically, they want to be on the look out for illegal night poaching. Which isnt a bad thing in states that do not allow hunting at night. I can hunt at night where I live, but, I can only shoot using natural lighting and no NVG. Me - I think it is a great idea. When I lived on Kodiak Island back in the 80's and 90's you would bump into two dozen deer at any given time, day or night while driving to Fossil Beach. Last year - we saw nothing for a full week - all the deer had been poached during the off season by an "invasive species of humans". F&G figured they were loosing 15 deer a night all summer long. If someone wants to help stop poaching - I'm ok with it - the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So, yeah, let them send all the UAV into the air they can afford - because - if I find one of them puppies I am not gonna return it. A little bit of work - now I will have my own UAV - and I got plans for it already.

Answer 3

The reason he says he doesn't mind the gay women is because men fantasize, about threesomes, like that is supposed to be fun, really, maybe he believes all the stories he reads in Hustler or Playboy.

He is just your boyfriend why don't you show him you mean business by letting things cool for a while, explain to him he is not the man you thought he was since he cannot accept that you have no desire for the gay life or even any intentions on play acting on it. Be firm, you have a right to happiness and right now you are not happy. Don't settle, find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated not the way he thinks you should be treated. Good luck

Answer 4

Something is wrong. I don't know exactly what. He's got these hang ups about gay men, and he keeps saying you're gay? Do you think he could be gay?

I'm not one of those people who believes that all gay bashers are themselves gay. But it's true sometimes. Or even if not gay, they've had an experience with someone of the same gender, or felt some attraction at least.

If it bugs you and he keeps doing it after you've told him you don't like it, why are you still hanging out with him? He sounds like a jerk to me.

Answer 5

Well honey it's a straight male fantasy...they all have it...My old man does the same thing the only dif between you and me is I'd try it...And he may just be homophobic..no straight male likes gay guys which makes no sense to me b/c it's ok for women but not men..I personally could care less...And if you've tried talking to him on more than one occasion do you think it's gonna change anything to try again?

Answer 6

Your boyfriend clearly has some issues. I wouldn't be surprised if he's not being totally honest about his problems with gay people before. In fact, I think he's gay, or at the very least, bisexual, and he can't face this fact. That's why he's projecting the sexual orientation that he's trying to fight on you. That way, he can exert verbal abuse on this sexual orientation, and in turn, use this as a way to fight off his own problems. You should cut him loose. Verbal abuse can very well turn into physical abuse, especially if he can't get his way in his fight against his orientation. Trust me, it's only going to get worse. Give him one last chance to change this behavior, and if this doesn't work, then cut him loose. G'luck.

Answer 7

Even if he is joking when he is calling you gay if it hurts you or upsets you then it's something he shouldn't be doing. I'm assuming you've told him in the talks you've tried to have with him that you don't like it. Perhaps this is one guy that can't be changed and you need to let go of. Personally if i were in your position and i was straight and with a guy that kept calling me gay I'd turn around and say that's why I'm with a pansy like you. (no offense to anyone) then it be over. If you feel it's getting close to verbal abuse then it's time to move on hunny.

Answer 8

Next time be like "that really bothers me, and if you care about me you'll stop. If you don't care about me, I see no reason to stay with you." and be prepared to follow through. As for gay guys being "mean" to him: if he were saying homophobic things in my presence, I wouldn't feel any compulsion to be particularly kind to him. I don't know what the circumstances were, but he might consider what he says in front of people.

Answer 9

As you have displayed an acceptance to the differences of others, and that without judgement or prejudice, I believe he is targetting you as "a gay," even if it isn't inherently true. Your description of his behavior tells me he views sexuality as black and white: you either are or you aren't. He appears to believe that if you don't attack, in some form, those who are gay, that you must, therefore, be gay.

This is a form of abuse. Love him with all your heart, AND love yourself with all your heart. For your own safety and peace of mind and soul, distance yourself from him and explain why...but, avoid any ridiculous argument that serves only to diminish you and discredit your tolerances.

Answer 10

I'm not sure why you aren't just laughing this off, but if you are truly offended and feel abused that your b/f is calling you a Lesbian, by all means get rid of him.

Its pretty simple, "I'm a hypocrite and while saying I am tolerant out of one side of my mouth, the other side is highly offended that you think I'm something as disgusting as a Lesbian. Hit the road jack." I think that about covers it.

Answer 11

It would be kind of mean, but you could tell him you were gay and that you were leaving him for your lesbian lover. Tell him that she can do things for you he never has and that being with him has turned you off men forever.