Why should child support and visitation be considered separate entities?

Question

How come a non-custodial parent be legally allowed to be in child-support arrears for 3 months, but I believe the custodial parent cannot disallow visitation for any amount of time? Is it justice to the custodial parent WILL incur late fees, etc... while the support goes unpaid? Custodial parents need to start standing up to the government about this: it's a joke. No one can survive without money, therefore I say: visitation and child support SHOULD AND DO go hand in hand. Does anyone agree?

Let me add the noncustodial parent RARELY sees the child, but when wants to see the child, is verbally abusive to custodial parent, demanding seeing the child on his schedule. Has also violated and not upheld a court-ordered visitation schedule. Has NEVER followed the visitation schedule set up. I agree fully parents need to spend time with their child. But when they don't AND they constantly manipulate the system, AND are abusive to the custodial parent only when THEY want the child (for a self serving event- to look good to their family). That's what gets me.

Answer 1

I am in a somewhat situation. Baby's father has been gone for 2 years with no contact or request to see is his daughter. Today he shows up at my work place in disguise of hood and glasses?

I am custodial parent due to his absence.

My feelings are that if a "parent/father/mother" held an interest in their child, then why cause such an absence?

Law states that after a period of one year that the parent has "abandoned" the child. Then why allow that parent any right to see or visit the child?

After this period the child no longer remembers nor feels any level of love or safety with the unfamiliar face. The lack of continuous contact has depleted the bond between infant/child and the absent parent.

To simply pay an amount of money to the Mother/Father for the sake of "child support" shouldn't give that parent the right to visit the child.

The comfort level, ease and knowledge of an otherwise stranger, should be considered on behalf of the child.

I feel that if an absent parent is void of contact, yet pays child support,wishes to see their child, it should NOT be allowed under the child safty act.

While the law may say that the lack of child support payments should not void a parents right to see their child? I beg to differ!

I say that if a parent loves their child then it is unreasonable to abandone that child. And to simply pay some amount of money does NOT give you a right to be in that childs life!

Custodial parents are there to comfort the child when they cry out at night, get a boo-boo, need dinner, sick, afraid or feel harm, pay medical bills, do the birthday party and are there to explain Princess Fiona and Shrek.

Where is the "absent" parent? The lack of "moment" does NOT negate parental obligation and committment.

Answer 2

Actually I have gone through this before. (and continue to do so). I am the custodial parent. My ex-husband is non custodial with visitation (supervised only). He has not paid his child support for 4 YEARS and had not seen his child in that amount of time. Suddenly he showed up demanding that he be given his visitation rights. I called my lawyer and do you know that you can tell the non-custodial parent NO? I had not the slightest clue. But at least in the state of Oregon you can actually tell the non custodial parent NO if they are in arrears with their child support. Until they pay up on their child support you have every right to tell them that they will not be allowed to see their child. And if the non custodial parent is behind far enough you can even call the police and they can check to see if there is any warrants out for their arrest for failure to pay child support. I did....but he skipped town fast enough because of the fact that I had told him no and the reason why he couldn't. So at least keep in mind some states are already keeping this issue hand and hand. You just need to contact your lawyer to find out how your state would handle that situation.
Now for the behavior of your ex you need to make sure that you are keeping a diary of what behavior(abusive, etc) towards you when he is comming to see his child. I am sorry but if it was just a stranger off of the street saying those things I would call the cops.. what makes this any different?So what if you are his ex...that doesn't give him the right to treat you like crap. Good luck to you and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

I am not going to be judgmental as to the immature actions of both you and the mother. You both need counseling so the child is raised correctly. Your parental rights are just that -- rights. If you forfeit them you will still have to pay child support. At no time can the mother deprive you of your rights to visitation. If she tries to do so you will need to get a lawyer that specialized in the type of custody battle that you are in for. From what you have written it sounds like she is being coached by someone that has a monetary motive. GET AN Attorney NOW. Don't go into court unless you have one because it sounds like she does. Get the advice of an Attorney and get it quick. Yep it will cost big dollars and if she is really harassing you he will be able to put a stop to that too. I may sound like a old foggy but creating a new life requires that a person also accepts the responsibility. You now have the choice of being a part of your child's life or have her mother make you out to be a dead beat ogar for which your daughter will have a warped feeling for men that will cause her no end of grief as an adult. Do the right thing and take a stand to get joint and equal custody.

Answer 4

I have just been through a situation that was very close to yours. I learned a very valuable lesson. It is not about you. Due to bitterness and child support, my ex husband(who is and has always been the non- custodial parent) sued me for full custody. After 18 months of worry and court and attorney fees, I won. When it all started I had asked for a child support increase(the first since our divorce 6 years ago) to cover lunch money and such.
Child support was the big focus. When it all ended, (as my attorney read me the verdict over the telephone) I cared nothing about the child support, I only cared that my children stayed with me. I do understand that money is important, but where child support is concerned, you cannot depend on it, so don't. Get a second job or whatever you have to do. You have to be the one your child depends on if he cant be. But, you never need to keep your child from this man. This man will ruin himself with the child. If you do it you will be resented at a later date by the very child you hoped to protect. I mean this with all the compassion in the world, I do know what you are going through, but swallow your pride and anger and get on with life. He sounds like a man who will sooner or later become disinterested and move on.

Answer 5

I agree for the most part! If they aren't mature enough to pay support then they are probably not mature enough to help raise them at all! There are some circumstances that I can understand. But if they aren't trying to find a job or keep quiting jobs then they shouldn't be having visitation! Helping buy food and clothing is part of raising a child, not just staying all night at their house. And if they don't have the money to pay support then how are they feeding them while they are visiting? I've known alot of men and even a few woman who could care less about paying support and their kids are the ones who have suffered! Not only are they going without things they need or could have but they also see the parent raising them under alot of stress and hardship! It's not fair to kids or to the parents raising them! I wish people would grow up and take responsibility for things!

Answer 6

They are separate because while the custodial parent may tend to interfere with visitation, the support is for the child.

It's entirely possible that a non-custodial parent's rights are violated by a vindictive ex who is wrong, and possibly behaving in a criminal manner, but that is not the fault of the child.

Answer 7

The fact that one parent is a loser does not make them any less the parent. Had the family unit remained together and been busted *** broke then dad would still be dad. Do not use your child as a weapon. This arguement is between the two adults not the kids. It is unfair to punish them for some one elses mistakes.
And you both made mistakes that contributed to the situation I am sure.

Answer 8

No, I don't agree. They should be handled separately. I've been a single mom for 4 years now and my kids' dad has paid $5.00 (yes $5.00) during those 4 years in child support. However, the kids still love their dad and it would only hurt them to keep them from their dad just because he isn't paying support.

Answer 9

No, I don't believe they should go hand-in-hand. What happens if a person is required to pay child support but isn't allowed to visit their child. Grouping them would allow them to not pay unless they could see the child.

However, if you mean allowing for provisions to prevent the non-paying person not to see their children, that would be seen as hurting the child.

Answer 10

Best interest of the child should be the first thing considered. Sorry for what you are going through with deadbeat dad, but I can't agree. It's the visits with dad that are important to your child. Just put yourself in his/her shoes.