OK, this is my deal. I'm 27, single mom, and confident (in most cases), have a good job, ect. But I find it hard to have females as friends. I have plenty of male friends and that's who I hang around, but sometimes I would like girl time. You know shopping, lunch, male strippers, that type of thing. But I have a trust issue when it comes to women. My daughter's father ended up marrying a friend of mine and since then, I trust women about as far as I can throw them. How can I over come this trust factor.
2006-11-05 13:27:05 · 8 answers · asked by vernise2679 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Basically, it's like you said - overcoming the trust factor and how do you do this? Trusting anyone is difficult and if you have been burned, it makes it that much harder to do.
When I was your age, I had the same problem, only I was married. I had very few real girlfriends, due to the fact that these women were not interested in reallybeing a friend. I didn't have a problem with them around my husband (he and I had no trust issues there); it was the catty *bs* that came along with the social scene when three or more of us were together. I felt like we were in high school trying to get the attention of the leader (the one we all had a common bond with).
Now that I am older (forty-something), I choose my friends wisely. I listen when they talk and only make close acquaintance with women who are like minded in their intellect and how they live their lives (i.e., their value system). I have remarried and do not socialize with single women simply because they have little in common with me and our conversations do not always synch, as they often think my husband "controls" me (partly because be is Muslim and that is THEIR thought processing). I have two friends that I do "girl" stuff with and we are respectful of one another, which is why we are friends. Also, I do not spend too much girl time with them. I firmly believe that when we spend every waking hour with another person, conflicts will arise, as you are privvy to more of things that you either ignored about them or didn't notice. Up each other's butt and you tend to smell things that just don't sit right. :)
So I would suggest, finding women that are equal in your social surrounding, have tastes similar to yours and a value system like yours (i.e., respect, etc.). Sometimes you will find you have a good connection with one during a certain activity and a good connection with another girl doing one of your other activities. This is a good combination, as you never tire of the one and you always have something to look forward to.
Don't give up hope because there's another woman having the same difficulty as you. Once you get an understanding, we end up having great friends. Then you don't have to question the trust factor.
2006-11-05 13:41:23 · answer #1 · answered by terryoulboub 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you have had a bad experience, it is natural for you to be worried that it will happen again. Unfortunately, there are good and bad people and we all live on hope that we will find the good ones as friends, etc. It is good to be cautious, but you will need to trust others as well. There are no guarantees in life, you just need to hope and realise that there are a lot of good people out there and sometimes it is definitely worth taking the risk.
2006-11-05 13:34:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-01 07:51:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very understandable that you would have trust issues but nobody who doesn't know you personally (like me) could tell you exactly how to get over that issue. My only advice would be to try to come to terms with yourself and try to give woman a chance, if you can manage to be close to them you might find that there are some desent nice woman out there, unlike your friend. Also, remember that though your friend was a woman, your former partner wasn't and he also backstabbed you.
2006-11-05 13:31:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to forgive the person who married your daughter's father and move on. The longer you cannot forgive you give this person power over you.The only trust issue you had was that you trusted a supposed to be friend too much. Set boundaries with your female friends. Stop discussing too much of your personal business with females.
2006-11-05 13:36:07 · answer #5 · answered by Betty B 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its going to take time for you to trust again. Take each woman, seperately, spend time with them, until you feel like you can trust them. Listen to your intuition, it usually works for me.
2006-11-05 13:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by Gaia Weeps 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats ounds terrible.i hang out with guys every girl i've ever hung out with has stabbed me in the back.but i noticed was most girls that r that type leeve hints.like getting mad or reacting odly at weird things.try hanging out with other girls but remember wach out once u really believe u know them u can put ur guard down.u may even want to give them oportunity's to screw u to see if they do.i hope i was some help.
2006-11-05 13:32:52 · answer #7 · answered by blonde101 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be careful, the more friends you get.. the more problems you get
good friends are hard to find..
2006-11-05 13:34:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋