My husband is 46 and is going through a mid-life crisis.This includes getting in touch with the ex-girlfriend from Highschool(almost 30 years ago).He is a soldier and has voluntarily signed up to go to Afghanistan-needs to be fulfilled he says..He is all over the place emotionally-up and down like a bottle of pop.I am trying to be patient(16 years marriage and 3 kids)but he is doing my head in .He doesn't know what he wants from one day to the next and his negativity and temper are draining me of my own usual optimistic outlook.Do I hang in and see this through or 'bail"?He will be gone for 6 months so I don't see how any progress can be made in our relationship.
2006-11-05 12:54:25 · 15 answers · asked by Rosie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its always emotionally draining being with someone who is unsure about what his /her needs are. It all stems from self worth it's got nothing to do with anyone else it's about them and how they feel. so if your husband is having what society call a mid life crisis, it's possibly due to how he is feeling about himself. It may not have anything to do with you or how he feels about you. I am sure without a doubt he loves you (guys can't always communicate their needs effectively). if you love him and yourself you already know what you must do, the answers are within us all. Enjoy the time apart do what you must for yourself and your kids be sure to remind him that you love him regardless of his recent behaviour. Spend time concentrating on yourself and your needs as a woman when the kids are not around. During the six months you will have figured out whether you want to remain in the marriage you are in or do you feel deserving of something different more emotionally spiritually and sexually rewarding. take as much time as needed before deciding to bail, communication is the key . Healthy honest communication with yourself first then all others that you need to communicate with. Please do not let his temper and moods dampen your spirit, and try not to loose yourself to anothers life and journey . You have your own path to follow as life is all about self love (that maybe what he is missing) and that's where the confusion comes from. All the best in your decisions, life is full of choices so think clearly before making any. A good book you can read is called' Up from here' (reclaiming the male spirit) by Iyanla Vanzant. It will help anyone with men in their life to understand where they may posibly be coming from.
2006-11-05 13:08:53 · answer #1 · answered by clarissa l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, we're talking about a man.......no such animal as "normal". Let him handle his own crisis the way he wants to, whatever the outcome. You need to take care of yourself and the kids. He's a big boy. First off, get yourself out of the house occasionally, have a mid-life crisis of your own! If the marriage can be saved this'll do it! If not then you can have a new outlook with new ventures. One tip from a 30 year veteran......YOU are the important one, the one that the kids will stay around, the one that won't leave them and the one that'll reap the rewards. Hold your head high girl!
2006-11-05 13:10:55 · answer #2 · answered by pb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now let him know that you will be there for him as much as you can be, when men go through this mid life crisis you don't know what they are feeling, because they do not tell anyone. I don't know if he will come back, some of my friends husbands do and some don't and I am not looking forward to it when my husband hits the mid-life thing. But as long as you think he is not disrespecting you or your marriage, try to be supportive. And it may be very hard right now, but if he knows that he has a good marriage, he go back to being normal. Good Luck!
2006-11-05 13:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do the army send men out at that age.You think he is having a mid life crisis does he? If your husbands behaviour is draining you like you say it is then put an end to it. Don't let a selfish man who you have devoted your life to bring you down and make you feel like this. Step away. Not completely if you don't want to but for a while. Dont be affraid to stand up for yourself. Who you are is important and he is destroying that and you are allowing it to happen. Hang in but let him go. Stand back and let him make a fool out of himself. If things don't change turn arround to your husband ...blumming remind him who you are and tell him you have had enough. He needs to pull himself together and behave like a husband and treat you like his wife with the respect you deserve. If he carries on then he really doesnt care open your eyes and move on.
2006-11-06 06:25:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe he can, but it may not be you he comes back to afterwards. I would be thinking about yourself more to be honest. He's fulfilling his life and leaving you alone and seeking the company of another woman. You are an individual and you have needs. In a relationship it should be more 50/50 then he is giving you.
I have to admit my current husband went through the same thing, got divorced and then 4 years later after much dithering and soul searching- met me. I felt sorry for his wife and kids, but they are all doing just fine now and she has remarried.
Don't let your life suffer. you are important too.
2006-11-05 13:04:14 · answer #5 · answered by brainlady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a man and I'm here to tell you that the so-called 'mid-life crisis' is nothing more than a catch-all phrase made up by new-age shrinks and hippies to excuse bad behavior. Any person that has so little control over his or her emotions is a waste of oxygen. I feel sorry for your children -- your husband is a middle aged baby and he needs his @ss kicked around the block. Men like this make me nauseous.
2006-11-05 13:17:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the man. My ex-husband went through his, but hurt me and our relationship so badly that I couldn't stay. We've been divorced since 2003 and do not have any contact at all.
I think you should see what the 6 month separation brings. Maybe the space will help him get his head on straight. Just keep your intuition tuned to what's happening...what's really happening. It's easy to tune out what you don't want to see.
I hope things work out for you and wish you the best.
2006-11-05 13:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by C P 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No offence, but isn't he a bit old to run off to Afghanistan to play soldiers? Try to talk him out of it. I fear that if he leaves, he'll never return. It's very selfish of him to leave you and the children this way. Lots of people have a crisis in their lives, but leaving the country, it seems extreme to me.
2006-11-06 05:48:57 · answer #8 · answered by F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one.
Get counseling for yourself, then upon his return, demand couples counseling. Use protection when he returns. I don't agree to acceptance of a "mid-life" crisis. He is looking to sow his wild oats. Are you willing to take a back seat to his mistress. That IS who he is looking for. My mom did the same thing and my dad stayed around...I wish he would've left her. She still stays in contact with this "man". It drives us all crazy...we wonder why our Father is so weak. BTW I'm 31.
2006-11-05 13:00:30 · answer #9 · answered by pullmytriggerthenblamemygun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a mid life crisis at about the same age.
luckily for me my wife stuck with me and today we are closer than when it happened18 years ago.
We are now married for 34 years.
Don,t give up hope, that's for sissy's.
It is only a phase.
2006-11-06 02:15:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋