We have been married for 12 years. Anytime we have sex I am always the one to initiate it. Now I am starting to do it where I won't initiate anything for like 4 or 5 days and then he will say he wants sex, but still doesn't initaite anything. I could initiate sex everyday and he would go along with it fine, but not on his own. I know he has a high sex level, so it's not that he is disinterested in sex, like I said he would do it everyday if I initiate it. I feel horrible sometimes about it, I cry at night. I have talked to him before about it but nothing changes. What can one do? Do I buy him some book for Christmas or something?
2006-11-05 12:52:09 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ Mary ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is 51 and I am 32. I know it isn't lack of sex drive cause when we have talked before he says he would be happy doing it everyday and if we go for those 4 or 5 days without he wants to know why we don't do it more often.
2006-11-05 13:18:27 · update #1
Oh and I have never said no to sex from him...which is what I don't get...but I am thinking that maybe in his past somewhere someone did say no to him and he got a bruised ego and is afraid to ask even me.
2006-11-05 13:20:34 · update #2
If he's anything like my husband, he thinks he does initiate. Men are of the mistaken impression that simply saying things like "don't you owe me tonight?" or "why did you wear your nightie to bed?" is initiating. He needs help to understand what your idea of initiating is. there are some great books out there but is he really going to read it if you get it for him?
Talk to him again, but make sure it is NOT in the bedroom. Give him specific ideas of how you expect him to initiate. Light candles; stroke my hair; kiss me passionately, etc....But say it in terms that are not accusing like "I really like it when you do this" or "this really turns me on"
Is he on medication that affects his sex drive. Most men can perform when the woman initiates but a med may not allow him to think about it enough to initiate---blood pressure meds, etc.
Good luck with this.
2006-11-05 13:10:17 · answer #1 · answered by j05gemini 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish you would give his age.
As males grow older the sex drive goes down. The highest sex drive a male has is at 18 and for women it is in her 30s. I'm not saying he is totally disinterested in sex. It is just not at the top of list anymore.
I remember going to church one Sunday. The pastor totally changed from his prepared sermon, 10 minutes into it. He had said that an unusually high number of his friends has come to him for advice in this area and that more people in the congregation was probably having problems and was un easy about coming forward. It was an interesting Sunday.
His comment was: There are just too many distractions in the modern world that allows couples to drift apart. Send the kids to bed early. Take the TV out of the bedroom. If you normally go to bed at 10:30 then you and your spouse should go to bed at 9:30, with not TV and not distractions. Your not tired. Your options are to stare at each other for an hour in silence, or communicate. If there is little to talk about, then there are other activities that can pass the time. Candles, wine, strip poker, role play.. use your imagination. There was couple in Houston Texas that tried a bit of role play. She was handcuffed to the bed wearing nothing but a smile. He wore a batman cape and mask and nothing else. He jumped off the dresser on to the bed to rescue her. The ceiling fan hit him in the head and knocked him unconscious. She had a devil of a time calling 911. The paramedics had to break in to get to them and it was kind of hard to keep the incident under wraps. In any case, it was a moment they would remember the rest of their lives. Love is full of risks. It takes effort to make it work and don't let yourself be side tracked.
2006-11-05 13:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also think that you should cut him off for a while. Leave him hints, and be flirty without initiating sex. Hopefully after a while, with all kinds of teasing going on, he will not be able to stand it anymore. I don't know if that will work, but maybe give it a try?
2006-11-05 13:04:57 · answer #3 · answered by Stark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
agh swettie why do u feelso bad for ? is it against your will? and if that s so then you shouldnt be doing it in the first place...
now, if he doesnt want to initiate sex.. then maybe thats the way he likes it.. he likes to feel desired by you .. or to feel as if you are in control of the relationship .. i dunno guys are sometimes weird and they have the strangest fetiches.. i think you should talk to him about you crying.. and why you do that so that he can have a better understanding of your emotions ! dont feel bad.. hes your hubby .. but again dont do anything you wont like to do!
2006-11-05 12:58:59 · answer #4 · answered by Dr. Truth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should cut him off for a month and take care of your own needs. Leave him little hints around the house, like hide a pair of panties in his lunch box or in the car for him to find. I think that it will give him the idea.
2006-11-05 12:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think the his problem is the he cannot get aroused on his own and he needs you to star the sex so he can get aroused, and then he is fine, i read in men's health about people like that is common between older guys they do have sex drive but is harder for them to get going,buy him some movies, or something KAMASUTRA, that should do it.GOD BLESS YOU and good luck
2006-11-05 13:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would cut him off until he came on to u. and do it like that for a while,always let him start for the next few times even if u have to wait 2 or 3 weeks in between eventually he will get horney enough to come on to u.....
2006-11-05 13:05:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no he is probly tired of asking you for it and you say no all the time in the past so he doent bother you about it fearing youll say no he dosent want to be A nussanice to you. / wait I'll bett he is seeing someone other than you. could be is he keeping to his routen daily schedual or is time and were abouts deffernt/hangout places. keep an eye on his visiting freinds time somethings up to something. ex was that way until I caught them at a sonic.
2006-11-05 13:16:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
yeah girl,
u give him a book for x-mas
and than go out by your self and have a good time!
if he can 't satisfy your every need...
go and find someone how can!
ever thought about a girl. atleast when he asks u if u r seeing an other man u can say no !
.
2006-11-05 12:56:35 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe he just likes you to do the initiating.. some guys are like that. they want you to do all the work
2006-11-05 13:52:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋