I am being paranoid or has he cheated? PLEASE help?

Question

My husband and I split and he got a bedsit, its not the 1st time, usually he'd be round daily 2 c kids but this time was different. We have had ups and downs but I want to work on it IF he's been faithful. 3 weeks AFTER getting his bedsit he went very cold and kids didnt even c him. When Id phone he was very short and nasty-claiming he'd had enough of being kicked out. But its the only way he'd listen 2 my feelings before. He does have a drink problem which is the main factor in him having a bedsit. He looked at me differently, spoke differently and was nasty. Know he says sorry, and it was the drink and hes going to get help.
BUT I have this doubt as he was so different, was he cheating? Didnt it work out so he wants me again? He says no but Ive my doubts? Am I paranoid? Was it just him drinking daily and seeing male friends or is he making a fool of me.
Please help, we have 3 kids but dont want 2 b with a cheat!
Id stick by him if he gets help for drinking but not if he's cheated

I know we need relate or similar but the reason Im aking really is I may be paranoid as my Dad cheated on my Mum, but if Im right Its over- he has denied it. A fellow housemates daughter had his number as he'd hurt himself drunk! He said incase he needed a lift 2 hospital later But surely he would need her number not her having his. I rang the number and she claimed he was a friend and she hhad a man of her own but its FISHY!

I cant help loving him and not wanting to let go of my idea of a proper family, my marriage is important. Ive kicked him out as he is alcoholic- therefore wastes money. I had to keep roof over kids heads etc. He is saying he's stopping drinking but not convinced he'll do it. I know I cant let situation continue for my kids sake. It would make it easier 4 me 2 find proof he's cheated because my whole reason for continuing trying to help him is our marriage. but if he's cheated that will go immediately cos I could never forgive. Ive taken too much already- it would be cherry on cake.

Answer 1

i kicked my ex out after taking to much of his controlling ways, lies and unreasonable behaviour in hope he would realise his mistakes, he acted differently for a few weeks, i took him back to discover one week after the split he jumped in bed with a nasty druggie who lived on the next street for two weeks +. we stayed together after that for almost a year but things were never the same, i wasn't turned on by him anymore as i saw him as 'dirty' which made me feel unclean. we have now permanently broke up and i can't wait to get a nice healthy sex life back on track with next man!

Answer 2

First of all-I'm really sorry that you are going through this-it is so hard to nurse your own sadness when you have to be strong for the children's sakes.Will your husband willingly go to alcohol counselling?How long has he had a drinking problem for?Do you have support for yourself and your children-someone you can rely on to listen and be there for you?Gut instincts are important.I have been in a similar situation and kept a diary for months before I found out my husband was cheating.It was uncanny when I read what I had written afterwards.I knew before 'I knew' that he was being unfaithful to me.Your feelings are important to listen to.I wish I had listened to mine when I first felt them.Not saying your husband has been unfaithful necessarily but the backing and forthing between home and bedsit can't be easy on any of you.How long do you see yourself allowing this to carry on?I have let my husband's moods and behaviour dictate how I have been feeling and I am slowly realizing how destructive this has been to me and my 3 children.I am ready to call it quits..I thought we could work through the infidelity but he is so arrogant and makes little if any effort at all.If you are financially stable and have support it will put you in a better position.If not there is still no excuse to put up with such treatment.Have you thought of counselling for yourself and for your children in the interim.It might open you up to more options and let you discover why you have settled for such a difficult situation.I am going right now and it is very eye-opening .Good luck and look after yourself and your kids.Get support from family and friends if you can-you will need it to keep yourself healthy.

Answer 3

i think your just paranoid. to be honest with you, when a man or women is a drinker or drug user, he/she is all about into drinking/drugs hanging out with the same trash but don't worry there is nothing. when the person is drunk he can be very nasty, your situation sounds just like my moms husband, it's the drink that talks. having a father as a drunk is not too healthy for your kids. make a wise decition in wanting your kids around that drunk or to have a happy safe place to live but without the drunk.it's very hard to stop drinking and it hurts very badly when you stop, if he has been drinking for over 10 yrs the max or more there is a chance he will not live for long because his liver will be damaged. but yes he can stop with the lords help, you can pray for him and he must want to be helped and be tired of being tired of drinking. the lord jesus christ has the power and you can't change him only jesus can with your help, by praying and fasting. trust in the lord, have faith in your hubby, don't give up on him. he needs your support by not giving him cash and by helping in placing him in a rehablitation. the counselors will let you know when it will be time for him to be released home. i tell you this because i use to be a junkie and i've been sober for 4 yrs now and the lord heard ny prayers and others that prayed for me as well. good luck and may the lord bless you and the kids + your buddy with many blessing, good health, happiness,restoration and much more, the desires of your hearts.

Answer 4

There's nothing in what you said that points to a woman or cheating... not one thing. If he's hanging around with his friends and drinking even more,... maybe they're influencing his behavior.... and maybe he is sick of the yo-yo living arrangements. Seems that the core problem in your marriage is drinking,... so unless you're looking for a reason to separate permanently, why make more out of it than it seems?

And separating over it doesn't help.... after several times of trying it, you should have figured that out by now. He needs professional help.... not freedom to do it even more.

Answer 5

My boyfriend hasn't had a drink for 23 years.....but from what he tells me of the time he was an alcoholic women didn't come into much....it was just male friends and drink..morning , noon and night.............
How capable can he be when he's had a skin full?? It sounds to me that his drinking partners may be influencing him.
Try and stick by him....but don't allow him to move back home til he gets help......if he doesn't get help then you need to think of yourself and the children.
I didn't know my boyfriend as a drunk, but he tells him he was a B******,......it's hard to believe because he is such a lovely man now..................I just hope your husband can find the strength that my boyfriend did...and that one day you'll be as proud of your husband as I am of DMS,
Good luck

Answer 6

You have been stringing this bad situation out long enough. It is time to think of your kids. Your husband is a lost cause and you need to move on.

Answer 7

classic signs he's definately cheating,you deserve better and so do your kids you'll be a lot better off without him go and make a decent life for oyurself without him you don't need him!

Answer 8

That's no way of living is not fair on both of you or the kids. my suggestion is get professional help or move on.

Answer 9

Yeah, you can never just an addict. I should know. Your better off just staying well clear of him for your childrens sake.

Good luck

Answer 10

YES...Wake up and dump the loser...he sounds like a loser...you are better without him