I am writing a letter, please help if there is a grammatical error in a part of this letter?

Question

It would be very appreciated if Your Excellency can inform us whether the proposed date is convenient for Your Excellency or Your Excellency wish to select different a date.

Or if you have a different style of expressing it in elegant way, please do tell me. Thanks.

Answer 1

We would appreciate being informed if this date suits his Excellency, or if another date is more convenient.

We were trained to never use "you" when referring to royalty. One could not say "How do you do?" It had to be "How does His Highness do?" I think it is inappropriate to address royalty as "you" in any part of conversation.

Answer 2

I am not an expert for finding grammatical errors or writing royal-letters, but I think the following may work:

Quote:
It would be highly appreciated if his Excellency could consent approval for the proposed dates. In case of changes in proposed dates are required by his Excellency, we would gladly comply accordingly.
Un-quote

Hope I have been able to help you in some way. Happy writing!!

Answer 3

Your Excellency,
We would be much obliged if you would inform us as to whether or not the proposed date is convenient for you.
If not, would you prefer to select a different date?

Answer 4

Your Excellency, it will be much appreciated if you will inform us whether the proposed date is convenient or if you wish to select a different date which will be more suitable for you.