Have you fallen for someone but you're married to someone else?

Question

Do you feel guilty about it? Because I do.
Do you think about the other person and no matter how hard you try to get rid of him/her out of your mind, you can't? I do. And I try, but apparently it's not that easy. I know you might think that I'm greedy, but I don't want to have the other guy as a lover. I just want him to be happy. I pray everyday that he'll meet someone one day that loves him in return. And I don't know why I feel sad which I shouldn't be.. I think about him almost everyday, whereas at the same time, I feel guilty for what I feel because my husband loves me. What's this feeling? Why can I feel it? They say that if you're married you have to and only love your spouse. But this is something I don't create.. And now I just need someone to talk to for I can't and mustn't let what I feel out... someone, please help?

Answer 1

Just because you got married doesn't mean that you will not have crushes. There is a saying; "The grass is greener on the other side". In reality it's usually just another shade of green.

People you just meet always seem to be better choices. You don't know them well enough for their flaws, the whole nature of a crush.

Take a look at what in your current relationship isn't working. Can you work harder to fix that to take your focus off the other guy?

Answer 2

Depends on what you mean by fallen... see, what I believe in is that, you cannot be in love with two persons at the same time. Either you are in love with your husband or you are in love with the other guy. If you know you are in love with your husband then what you have for the other guy is nothing more than a crush. And thats alright. I guess its very much normal :) The best thing about crushes is that they go away.

Feeling guilty is a good sign. It shows that you still love and care for your husband. You have to remember, you dont owe anything to this guy though you do to your husband. And you yourself have said that your husband loves you alot. Imagine if your husband was in your shoes. How would you feel if she cheated on you? I bet it would have broken your heart. The best thing you can do right now is to stop seeing this guy, tell him frankly that you want to be with your husband and whatever you had for him was a big mistake. Humans make mistakes. That doesnt make you good or bad. It all depends on what you do about it. If I was in such a situation, I would forget everything, think about my life and start working on our marriage.

Answer 3

I can understand the guilt you feel, but if you do not want him as a lover, and you pray for him to find happiness, you shouldn't be so sad. It could be too maybe the reason your sad is empathy. Do you have the ability to feel others feelings and emotions? That is empathy, and when you have the ability to do this, it can be very hard at times to know when it is your feeling, or when it is actually someone Else's. I have this ability, and I kept taking my ex husband back because I would feel his sadness and depression and his missing me, and mistaken it for mine own feelings, which I found were his, and not mine at all. I finally learned how to distinguish someone Else's feelings from my own. If you have no intentions in having an affair, then all you can really do is pray for this person.

Answer 4

Well it seems to me that you have an obvious infatuation for this guy. I understand that a person is only human and that just because you're married you don't have to become a nun and not look at anyone of the opposite sex again. Yet, if you're finding it so difficult to get over this guy there must be something lacking in your relationship with your husband. You mentioned that your husband loves you but you didn't mention that you love your husband. Do you ?

Answer 5

Yes i believe you can love more than one person at the same time. As long as you still love your husband though, you should not act on these feelings. Try to avoid being in the other man's company and every time you find yourself thinking of him, find something to do which will take your mind off him. Concentrate on spicing up your marriage and remembering all the things that attract you to your husband. This is all easier said than done, but with practice and perseverance, you'll just be left with a warm affection for the other man and he won't consume your thoughts constantly, which is dangerous for your marriage. All the best, and most of all try not to feel guilty, it happens to a lot of people.

Answer 6

I understand where you're coming from, that happened to me. I was married for 5 years to a guy who was nice enough on the outside but in private treated me terribly, like teasing me, insisting on sex at inappropriate times, and all sorts of emotional abuse. All this despite claims that he loved me. I repeatedly warned him that unless he shaped up and treated me with more respect, I might fall for someone else. He wouldn't believe me and never changed, so that's what happened. I fell crazy in love with someone else, and ended up divorcing my husband for him. Now I'm very happy and I've never looked back.
In your case, examine why you feel this way. Are you not satisfied with your marriage somehow? Does your husband not fulfil your expectations? You should talk to him and see if you can find a common ground to build on before doing anything that might break up your marriage.

Answer 7

Talk to your husband about your feelings that will open the door to resolve your problem be loving and tell him you feel sorry for the other guy and you only want him to find someone else. If you decide not to tell your husband its obvious you want the other man and you should leave your husband tonight

Answer 8

this is normal i have had some of the same feelings that i never acted on but still had feelings for someone else. it is hard and confusing. try to keep your distance.

Answer 9

Thats life..

There are very few REAL couples in this world. Most of couples are by compromise.

Answer 10

you should go talk to a counsellor. not because there's anything abnormal, but because you'll have someone you can speak honestly to & not have to worry about it getting back to hubby.

don't worry - crushes happen - and then they go away