What would you do?

Question

I have 2 kids from a prior marriage. They are 11 and 15. I have full legal custody, with their dad having visitation. According to the papers, he can have them Monday or Tuesday, plus Thursday of each week. These orders went into effect when the kids were still preschool age. Now that they're older, and involved in sports and school activities, I've been letting him have them on weekends, as long as we had no plans. They went 3 days a week all summer. Thing is, now if they have plans and want to do something on the weekend, he tells them they don't love him, and threatens them about Christmas. He's an alcoholic, has no car, and has his skanky girlfriend (not just my opinion) spends the night, even when the kids are there. If the kids don't call him every single evening, or they call him and he thinks they should have called earlier, he goes ballistic on them. If they are at his house for the weekend, he won't let them go anywhere, nor does he take them anywhere.

I've never taken him back to court for a child support increase, and he only pays $260 a month for both kids. I think I've been more than fair with visitation, and he thinks I withhold the kids from him. I want to go back to court, and get the visitation and child support reviewed and changed. But I fear he'd just take it out on the kids. They already hate going to his house, and hate all the yelling. Most of the time they're there, they are cleaning house, and watching their 6 year old half-sister while he goes out with his gf or goes to the store. Should I go to court, or just enact my own every-other weekend visitation?

Answer 1

CYOA=Cover your own *** and take it back to court for review. The worst that can happen is that the judge tells you that there are no grounds for changing the visitation, which is possible, but I can't see that happening anyway. The kids' schedule has changed now that they're in school and sports, so the visitation schedule needs to change also, after all it is what's best for the children that matters most, right?!
Whatever you, remember this, documentation, documentation, documentation! Now matter how small of an issue/incident it may seem, WRITE IT DOWN! It could just save your (or the kids') in the end (no pun intended).
My experience, I thought "Oh he'd NEVER do that!" Sometimes they do.
Like I said in the begining, CYOA sweetie!
Good Luck!

Answer 2

You need to go back to Court ASAP. You are bound by the current court order. Unless you file a motion to modify it or have the Court change it, you can be held in contempt if you fail to follow it. And he can be held in contempt. So from a legal perspective, (1) hire a lawyer; (2) Consider Modifying the Visitation; (3) Modify Child Support (your kids will need it for college even if you don't).

Consider counseling for the kids and for him - if he would go. Many states have "Parenting Coordinators" for high conflict custody cases. If you have this available in your state, the Parenting Coordinator could order dad to shape up, require him to address his alcoholism and see a therapist to become a better parent and stop psychologically hurting these kids.

Answer 3

Yea well they should be able to have lives, your kids are in school im assuming. So that really only leaves the weekends for them to go and do stuff. I know that if i were in that situation and my dad was a drunk, i wouldnt want to go see him either. Tell him that they are becoming more social, and the weekend is really the only time for them to be able to be with friends. Tell him that they do still love him, but they want to hang out with friends and what not. As for him freakin out cuz they dont call or call late, why doesnt he call them? He doesnt really seem like a real nice person, and i think hes getting back what he has been dishing out all along.

Answer 4

It seems like he might be hurting your kids emotionally. I think you need to bring this into the court. Change his visitation rights. Alcoholic are not good role models for children especially teenagers to have. Don't let him go any farther with your kids, it sounds like he could end up hurting them physically at some point. I wish you and your kids the best of luck!

Answer 5

go back to court tell the court this your fifteen year old has the right to choose if he/she wants to visit the father at ALL If the father doesn't have transportation and is an alchoholic and hate going to the house then they DO NOT have to go there by law they can jsut stay with you the father cannot yell at them for certain times of calling and if he does the court can SET UP a time for calling trus me i went through this i am fourteen my mother has no transportation and is an alchoholic and i live with my father i visit my mother every other weekend ..... the court says i have a right to CHOOSE

Answer 6

Honey...it's time to go back to court. The child support amount is absurdly low. Also, the visitation needs some serious revisement. A paralegal can handle the paperwork for a few hundred. It'll be worth it in the long run.

Answer 7

I am presently 25 weeks pregnant. I am 19 and graduated from top tuition. I am married and I have a well dwelling. We hire in a three bed room condominium. My husband brings houses round might be $5000 a month. Which is beautiful well in which I are living. He's an underground miner. He additionally has a son, my step son who lives with us part the time. We are going to elevate it on our possess. We have been excited. Before I acquired pregnant a and even met my husband. If I acquired pregnant I'd elevate it expectantly with a few support from my loved ones. Of direction I'd get a task and completed top tuition. There used to be in no way any query approximately what I'd do. I knew if my mom used to be robust adequate to elevate me while she used to be in top tuition I might be too.

Answer 8

The kids are old enough to make up their own mind about spending time with him. If they don't want to go or feel uncomfortable about going, let them talk to the judge. No one should be put in an unstable situation like that and I'll be darned if my kids would ever go back!! Talk to the children and do what you can to alter his visitation with him. Good-luck!

Answer 9

the kids are reaching the age where the court will take into consideration their thoughts and wishes on the whole situation i suggest you talk to a lawyer and advice him to have the custody issue re discussed in court. take the high road here. the kids have a life to live to and they should be allowed as much chance of partaking in school events, activities etc without their father interference and indifference

Answer 10

Take his drunk *** to court. You do not have to put up with that bull any longer. The environment at his house is unsuitable and his drinking is not beneficial to the kids. Have the kids write a statement about life with daddy dearest and I'm sure a judge would gladly grant you your request. Good luck!