let me ask it? my soon to be exwife really wants a divorce but i want to try to work things out, what to do?

Question

do i go thru with it or do i try to get her to wait on the divorce i believe that she is talkingto someone else but i still love her no matter what has happened. is she just saying this to me so ill hurry up and get it over with? soshe can be woith somene else...? really want the ans here.

Answer 1

I suggest u give her the divorce as she seems set in her decision to divorce u. In my opinion, the marriage is either long over for her or there is someone waiting for her and that's why she finds it easy to just leave. Your feelings for her isn't something u can just turn on and off overnight but u have to realize that in order for the marriage to work out, both of u will have to want it to work but it doesn't seem that way as far as she's concerned anyway so I suggest u let her go and give her the divorce she wants. She will only end up resenting u more if u withold it.

Answer 2

You seem like a caring guy --- try to give you an honest analysis.....

You didn't indicate your age, nor how long you had been married, and whether or not you have children. So I will assume no children, and you are in your 20's or 30's.

But when one person wants out, it is likely the other has cheated.... sorry, that is the usual reason. You didn't indicate if you were abusive, a drunk or into drugs, nor did you say that she was. Sometimes when those are involved, they are worse that if there was a betrayal. Let us assume that you are in a "crowded" marriage.... sweetie, there is no way you can want someone to love you like they once did. It just doesn't happen. Those people who want to save a marriage need both people to want to save it.... in other words, one had an affair, the other feels betrayed, but that is over, and they each wish to heal the wounds. This isn't happening in your situation. But you know what? There are just lots of women who want a solid marriage, you just have to know where to look. And in the 21century, they are on line, on Yahoo, or Match.com or other sites. They too have been hurt, but are brave enough to try again. Write me if you want some advise on how to put up a personal ad.... or look thru some of my other answers where I've told people how to do that. And again, write if you need to......

Answer 3

my opinion on that matter is this but just remember opinions are opinions and you cant help the way you feel about her. Give her the divorce. Now let me explain so i dont sound heartless. if it is meant to be then somehow through discussion or same way it will all come together and be okay. But what you need to ask yourself is she really happy with you. one person can be completely happy in a marriage while the other is not. and the person that isnt happy will go astray and do whatever it takes to be happy no matter what pain it inflicts on the other person. The reason i know is by expierance my marriage was broken and i could not fix it and i did not want to try anymore but he did.The way i felt was there were so many times for us to both fix things and we never did so we both decided it would be better if we did divorce and now we are better friends than we ever were a couple. it hurts and it isnt going to be easy but i hope you can accomplish putting your marriage back together and at least you just dont want to give up on her which means you love her but if she is done then she will move on to heal so just ask her if its over for good or if you can talk together alone if she declines give her what she wants(the divorce not everything you own) and move on and try your best to make yourself happy and learn from the past to make a better future for yourself and i promise you can find love again when you think you cant it just takes picking yourself up and doing it. best of wishes to you.

Answer 4

You have to get that answer from her. Have coffee, in a neutral place, with her and speak plain and to the point. No guilt trips, finger pointing, just see if the two of you have a future. I repeat, stay away from "what you did... what she did..." since it is not productive. Keep the conversation on good things and your future.

If she gives up, then respect that. Let her remember you leaving that conversation a Man(don't look back). If she changes her mind, she knows your number. You look better to your ex-____ 's when you look good. You look best when you have moved on and are smiling in a new life. What ever you feel, just make sure she sees you at your best -- SMILING!!!

Good luck

P. S. Don't say anything about "another guy", you only make your self look bad. It won't help, and your relationship with her will cancel anyone else.

Answer 5

If she wants out, you have little that you can do about that. My brother's wife dropped the bomb on him that she wanted a divorce just like that out of the blue, and from that day to three months later she was out, with the kids, in another place and he was still grasping at straws trying anything he could, from counseling appeals, to trying to lose weight, etc. Bottom line was after many years of supposed unhappiness she just decided she could not live with him anymore and wanted to be happy, and she was gone. He still won't accept it, but she has him in her rearview mirror and is not looking back.

It's ok for you to still love her. You can't just turn off your feelings for her especially since this wasn't your idea in the first place. But I think in time you'll come to realize that it wasn't perfect and things weren't great for a while. Acceptance takes time. If you push her about it, or crowd her, she will almost surely back away from you more. Maybe space will help. but don't count on it. Sorry it happened to you!

Answer 6

SWEET QUESTION..
The day i wz litterally walking out the door on my ex he said plz can we work this out...the only reason i said NO! wz BEFORE the problems snowballed i TOLD him...let's try , there is a problelm here..etc..so i gave him a chance.
SECOND REASON-i had someone else.A woman rarely leaves a man unless he is not providing her financial & sexual needs. If u were weak in the bed .."the bad-boy" type always wins..it's the law of nature. If u hardly worked it is embarresing for the woman if she is supporting the household. It makes her feel like the provider. And that just doesn't sit well in our hearts.
So, i don't know what u should do..i'm just telling u the rest of the story...

Answer 7

If it has gotten to this point I would say that she has made up her mind and is going to leave anyway.If the 2 of you were to decide to work it out then go for it but remember that months or years from now when something happens and this old fling comes up in an arguement just remember that you are the one that wanted to work it out.It would be better to let it go now and then see what kind of bad things will happen.

Answer 8

If she wants the divorce to be with someone else, chances are she already is, emotionally at least.

It takes two people working on a marriage to keep it healthy and growing. If she has given up then you are fighting a loosing battle trying to keep it together.

If this is what she really wants and you fight her every step of the way, she is going to end up hating you. Part friends, not enemies.

Answer 9

Let her have the divorce. If you hold things up she will resent you for it. Give her the divorce quickly and let her be on her way. If she realizes she made a mistake she will come back. At least you will be the good guy for setting her free to find what she wants.

Answer 10

If she really wants it she will get it. I know how you feel I'm getting one now because of unfaithfulness. But really if she wants it- be prepared. That love never goes away! I hate my soon to be ex but I still love him. We have a daughter together and it hurts a lot but in the end out there something is better for me.