I'm in love with a man who is not my husband. We're both married to different people, and would never leave our respective spouses. I love my husband dearly, but this man has truly stolen my heart. I can honestly say that the connection I have with him is so powerful and I truly love him with an indescribable passion, and he loves me back equally as much! Recently his wife decided she didn't want us to be friends with them any longer. She felt that we were getting too close (which is right because we've been in love for a while now). Now I've lost him, and both had to do what was right and be with our spouses. I know it was the right decision, but I miss him so much. My heart hearts! I can't eat, sleep and I feel hopeless. I wonder what the purpose of life is, and why I'm put in the world to suffer like this over him. I know I made this bed for myself by falling in love, but how can I get out and keep going?
2006-11-05 11:52:24 · 23 answers · asked by Rayslittlegurl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he was never yours to begin with. You need to find happiness in your own backyard. find out what you need to make your own marriage happy, and filled with the passion that you shared with this other man.
2006-11-05 13:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by Betty B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow... this is really nice coming from a guy but i'm sorry that you feel like you are losing her slowly... okay here's what i think, i suggest the two of you should take a break...it doesn't have to be a long break, just about a week or 2 weeks so that both of you will cool down and be refreshed when you decide to meet and talk about your relationship... just tell her that you love her soo much and you are willing to sacrifice a lot of things for this relationship to survive...and you don't want her out of your life that easily... it doesn't have to be a roller coaster ride, you two could be the most in love people on the planet, just make sure you understand each other, trust each other, and are willing to accept each other's flaws... explain to her that you are not going to hurt her and you just want to be with her... but don't over pressure her..maybe the fights are happening coz of the pressure... i mean, maybe the 2 of you are really pressured that you don't want to lose each other and so instead of being open minded, you just start to freak out... i wish i could help more... i hate seeing 2 people in love going through this... :( anyway i hope this helps... and always tell her how much you love her and how willing you are to risk everything for her... ^__^
2016-05-22 02:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem you have is unrequited love. You are in love with someone you have never been intimate with or may not really know all that well. You are in love with a dream.....not reality.
Suppose you got divorced....both of you and you got together.
That is when you will begin to know each other. There is a very good chance he is nothing like what you think. Not many people are when trying to impress someone else.
His wife....being the typical woman could read between the lines and stopped your relationship. She was very right to do that and you know it.
Where is your husband on all of this. You no longer are friends with them...does he know why or have you given him a lye. Most men can be very happy in a marriage and not have a clue their wife is doing this.
Example: My first wife...of 37 years...found this guy on the internet. He was married but said all the right things. I at first did not know of this of course but when it dawned on me that she was talking to people through e-mail there was really no reason it couldn't be someone locally.
I pressed the issue...she said she loved this guy. Even though this like to kill me I could not get over how she reacted to me. She really could care less about my pain as her head was in the clouds.
We separated and divorced. I am married again. Mr. wonderful just could not bring himself to leave his wife so my former wife is alone and after 4 years he is finally out of her system. It took that long to see what he was.
Please do not do this to your husband. If you don't love him leave him for that reason only. As hard as this is you must reconnect with the one man who trusts you. Find what brought you together in the first place and be happy again with him.
If you don't your life will be a living hell. No one to talk to and no where to go. You are worth far more than that.
At hard as it may seem it will get better. In spite of the pain I had in loosing the only woman I had ever loved I somehow knew I could move on. Hard....Yes! Not at all impossible. I love my wife now and I am still friends with the first one.
2006-11-05 12:24:34 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you really love your husband then his love should be enough for you, if you don't love him, why are you with him? if you did love him, it would be impossable to love another. love is true only if both people feel it, and both are willing to lay their personal desires aside. you can never love more then one person, if you try, you'll get hurt. if this guy really loved you and you loved him, you both should have gotten a divorce.
how do you keep going? it's not hard, just DO IT! theres no other way, you've just got to suck it up, and move on. theres no point in wasting time asking yourself what to do. you know what you want, so get it. you know what you don't want, so get rid of it.
Things ain't always what they seem. You gotta ask yourself: is it worth it? Because the day comes, Earth Makers gonna come down and look right in your frikin heart, and then you better know what it is you're doing. are you a human being or just some hungry ghost out there.
2006-11-05 12:01:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you get out? Out of the house? You shower, put on your clothes, arrange your hair in an attractive hair style - or at least run a comb through it. Put your keys in your purse. Walk out the door. Then lock it. You don't have to feel like doing it. Just do it.
How do you keep on going? Just stick to your routine. Go to work, or keep the house clean and do the shopping, or whatever your role in life is.
I don't feel a bit sorry for you. But dang, what about your poor husband? Ever think how all of this might affect him? Ever consider how your self-pity and gloomy outlook might affect him?
Stop obsessing over your own feelings, and think about other people for a change. Get a grip!
2006-11-05 12:02:45 · answer #5 · answered by Angry Gay Man 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try putting all the time and thought you're spending on this other man into your husband and your marriage. You say you love your husband dearly, but when was the last time you spent all day thinking about him and trying to make him happy? Of course you're heart will be where you're putting all your energy. Start putting it in the right place!
2006-11-05 13:47:24 · answer #6 · answered by I saw whatudid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you truly are in a predicament. I can tell you that you do not truly love your husband and it is not fair to him what you are doing. If you TRULY loved him, you would have abslutely no desire to be with anybody else. Same goes for the man you were having an affair with. He does not love his wife and it is unfair to her. And if you truly loved the man you cheating with, how could you go home at night to your husband? Do not confuse love with lust. All I can say is I truly cannot have compassion for you because you do not deserve any. If you want to be with someone else, tell your husband you do not want to be with, get a divorce and move on. Don't you feel guilty for what you have done to your husband? How would you feel if he did the same thing to you? Well, there is this thing called karma and you can be certain that it will smack you in the face one day.
2006-11-05 12:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by stacianastacia 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Concentrate on your marriage and quit thinking about him. You have commitments to honor. I only hope the cheating has not gone further than "emotional" cause that is bad enough.
You have risked everything for the idea of being in love with the other man. Affair relationships have less than a 10% chance of surviving beyond three years even if you divorce and remarry.
2006-11-05 11:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take time for yourself. Don't try to force your love for this other man onto your husband. It won't work. You'll end up even more frustrated and unhappy.
Take time for yourself. Talk to a counselor/therapist or trusted friend who is not involved.
Also, you haven't made it clear whether your husband knows about this. After you speak with the counselor/therapist/trusted friend you will know more about whether you should tell him about this or not. Ultimately, honesty is the best policy.
If you understand better what motivated you to get yourself in the inital situation, you may be able to better understand yourself-and thus increase your happiness. Best of luck.,
2006-11-05 12:03:04 · answer #9 · answered by nikirr 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK Im guessing the two of you weren''t ever married to eachother. Well you did marry your husband for a reason. Think back to that time and why you did. My wife left me and is with an old bf now. This guy tried to break us up a long time ago. But I still love her and she still lvoes me. I think shes jsut ahving "fun freedom". But I think she will come back. You jsut need to think about your husband and why you married him. Go on another honeymoon and try to rekindle your love. Hopefully he can forgive. If he truelly loves you he will forgive. But if you tell him he will do everything he can to show you he loves you. Even if it takes him some time to get over it.
2006-11-05 11:57:28 · answer #10 · answered by extremeradio2006 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG!!! I am sorry, but this makes me sick!!!!!!
You have cheated on your husband and are now feeling sorry for yourself? This is unbelievable!!!
This is the question you ask? Not how do I deal with my guilt, atone for my sins, be a better person?
You break your marriage vows and then come here looking for people to feel sorry for you because you cheated and lost?
I don't even know what to say to you!!!
Yes I do, GROW UP! Have some character, responsibility, self respect, be a decent human being!
I know, I know, people are going to give this answer a "thumbs down" because I'm not in tears for you, I'm not sensitive to your pain... So be it! I value integrity over "feelings" You have a husband, you cheated... end of story!
2006-11-05 12:04:46 · answer #11 · answered by David P 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋