he has done a lot of damage but he seeked help,and has changed.he has proven to me that he has changed.he is responsable,and loving and caring.for me and the children.but i cant love him.i want to love him,but i cant.i cant kiss him,or hold him.we were about to be intimate and i felt so disgusted that i couldnt.and im having a conflict because,i dont know why im with him.is like,its not security,i work and dont need him for that.i ask my self,why im with him and cant come up with an answer.and to be honest,it driving me nuts.i cant stop thinking about it.i ask my self,over,and over.am i going crazy or what?
2006-11-05 11:46:46 · 14 answers · asked by super girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Date him again.
2006-11-05 11:49:10 · answer #1 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well you're not going crazy at all !! but i can say once u fall out of love with someone many of times we can't get that back, because of all the hurt, and damage, that's been done I've experience this myself and I'm very Familiar with the feeling.i think maybe he could get a make over from herd to toe, ane the two of u could grt away for the weeking, just too see if that will help! Unfortunate if there were name calling and putting u down all the time when u were in love with him could have killed your love for your Husband for good,in the meantime keep a watchful eye on really trying too fall back in love! because once you take him back into your bed he will always feel like Oh i got her @ss now, and the damage he did before will continu again, here's a way to tell if u can fall back in love with him, look at him veally hard and good say to yourself can i really love this man again, and what do i see in him now as a husband, until u see anything good in him only then can u love again! u have to be happy yourself, so u especially have to look out for u and the Kids. because as I;m sure the Kids had to put up with some of the thing that your husband were puttin out! I wish u well....
2006-11-05 20:19:29 · answer #2 · answered by Kas-O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am glad to see you trying, since marriage is a serious undertaking.
Try to start over - from the beginning.
Take him to a coffee shop or comfortable place to talk(no alcohol) and speak plain words to express your problem. Do not get elaborate, just tell him you're having trouble and need to begin again. What I am saying is act as if you just met. Think back to the first time you met and get to know each other all over again.
Go all the way; cards, flowers, tickets to events, and all the things the two of you can enjoy together. Hold off of the intimacy until the TWO of you are comfortable.
Consult a professional after you try on your own.
Good luck
Either way, you will be thankful that you did your best.
2006-11-05 19:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by BRIAN J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you're talking about is a very difficult thing to do, and it has lots of parts to it. I think it might help if you ask yourself questions like these:
When you say you can't love him, do you mean showing physical affection, and the inside feeling, or just the physical intimacy?
Do you feel the love he offers you and the children?
How bad do you want to work on this and for how long?
Do you have support from friends and family for your true feelings, or are you getting pressure to stay in the marriage for various reasons?
Is he pressuring you to "be done with the angry part and get back to how it was"? Or is he accepting of your pacing?
How about taking a period of time (couple of months) and pretending that you've left him and see what it feels like? That might give you some better sense of what your strongest feelings are.
Good luck, and above all else; be true to who you really are. You only have one life....this is no dress rehearsal.
2006-11-05 19:58:42 · answer #4 · answered by dietcokeani 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sought help and changed and is now responsible,loving and caring for you and the kids. Maybe you need to seek some help in dealing with your own reaction to his previous behavoir and the damage that he caused. You can fall in love with again if you really want to....Get back to the basics. Get to know each other all over again. Date. Talk endlessly without the TV on. Start a new hobby together---even if its just going for a walk together. you two need to reconnect on every level. But you must WANT to reconnect and fall in love with him again. Ask yourself these questions: Do I want to be with him and put the time and effort into this relationship that it will take? Do I still love him? You can love someone but not be in love with them. If you still love him then you can fall back in love with him through reconnecting.
You will never make it "how it once was" and if it caused pain you don't want it that way. You can make it better than it was or ever has been but you have to want to. Before you can get advise on how to reconnect you have to determine if you want to.
Pray for God to guide you through this. God Bless You.
2006-11-05 19:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by j05gemini 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok you know I think my wife is in your same position. Men screw up it happens. We learn from are mistakes, well some of us do. I would say think back to when you got married. Why did you get married? You have to be able to answer that. Maybe seperate for a few days and see if you miss him. My wife misses me when she doesn't see or tlak to me, I miss her way more. But she also has an old bf that tried to break us up before, he is trying still. Pray about it. True love can never die, it jsut goes dormant. That's what I think anyways. But what ever you do don't give up you will find a way to love him again. Maybe you could tlak to my wife. lol
2006-11-05 19:52:03 · answer #6 · answered by extremeradio2006 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Either commit to the marriage or don't. You either forgive him or you don't, you can't SAY you forgive him but hold the past over his head. He has had the character to change, now its up to you. Do you have the same kind of character?
You wanted and expected change from him, shouldn't you yourself do the same?
As far as falling in love with him...
Do all of the things you did the first time you fell in love with him. They worked before, there is no reason they can't work again.
2006-11-05 19:54:45 · answer #7 · answered by David P 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is a choice. It sounds like there are still unforgiveness issues with you. You should get some coucilling to help you learn how to forgive him and move past the things that are in your past so that you will be able to truely love him again.
If you WANT to be able to love him, and are willing to getthe help you need to deal with the issues YOU will have incurred from these events - you can learn to love him again.
I have been there - and I did it - andnow, I love my husband more then I thought possible even before it went bad.
2006-11-05 19:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way and had the same feelings with my now ex-husband. To me, you can't change what you feel for them when they decide to finally see the light, shall we say? The damage it caused the marriage is very not fixable, you can try but your feelings are you feelings...Sorry...I could never make it how it once was when he finally decided to fix things...It was already over and we were fighting a losing battle...Good Luck..
2006-11-05 19:53:31 · answer #9 · answered by Pinkalious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him, then you will know if you really love him. You cant force it. Although we shouldnt live in the past, sometimes the bad things overcome the good ones.
I thimk you should give yourself time, to be alone and maybe miss him a little bit. If you dont you cant be with him. you just dont love him anymore.
2006-11-05 19:51:30 · answer #10 · answered by natarrenata 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound like me,I stayed for the sake of the children(wrong) now he has health problems,I was always there for him,but I don't even sleep with him anymore,he doesn't do it for me an If I were to try it wouldn't be real you know what I mean,so I put it off as much as possible.I guess we fell out of love,at least I did.
2006-11-05 20:14:01 · answer #11 · answered by Lw's Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋