She saw me with red lipstick one night, but it was just the cherry chapstick I bought and she starts on a huge temper tantrum yelling and screaming and throwing things at me. Are there any sane women in the world?
2006-11-05 10:59:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife has some serious emotional issues and is projecting them on to you.
This is not acceptable behavior and she needs to deal with what is going on in her thoughts and feelings because she is abusing you by throwing things at you, yelling and screaming. It is abuse and she needs to know that this is what it is and needs to stop.
This is not a temper-tantrum and it is insulting to her feelings when she is clearly like this for a reason and needs to get some talking done to find out why she is behaving the way she is. If you treat it as fun and allow yourself to make fun of her or fume the situation by joking around, then she is going to react the way she is because she is distressed and you are not doing anything constructive to help her.
When she is angry and upset and accussational, walk out of the house. Do not get into an argument, do not poke fun at her, do not react at all. Just walk out as simple as that. Tell her calmly that you will talk about this with her when she is more calm to talk to and then leave it at that and walk away.
If she starts up again on your return, walk out again. She will soon stop screaming and yelling and abusing you in the ways she is. She will then want to talk openly about why she may be doing what she is but there are definitley issues going on in her life that have very little to do with you or the marriage but other things that she is brininging into the relationship. There is something relating to her own past causing this and that she hasn't yet dealt with the issues and if you want to help her and make the marriage work, then don't do anything that will cause her to react the way she is.
Walk away and come back when she is calm. She might blame you for her feelings and behaviours, but they are not to do with you or the marriage and go deeper than this, so please don't think that she is this way because of you, she is this way because she is angry and hurt about something to do with her past that she has brought into the marriage and projecting all of the blame onto you.
She is not insane. She is just in a lot of emotional pain about something she isn't dealing with and is taking it all out on you. You cannot be her counsellor and husband, but you can be there and support her but try and encourage her to get help and to talk to a counsellor because you are not going to be the target for her abuse any more.
Let her know that this cannot continue - it has to stiop. If it doesn't, you will be driven to an affair or a very destructive marriage where you will end up walking out anyway because this is abusive behaviour and not just her having some temper tantrums.
She is not a child, she is an adult and you need to treat her like one and by not engaging in anything she does that is destructive and abusive or going to fuel her behaviour towards you. If you want this to change, then you have to change too and that means acting differently and being aware of how you treat her and talk to her. If you see her as a child, then she of course, she will be angry because what she wants is respect for her feelings and the only way to respect her feelings is to approach this whole situation with her differently.
This is an unhealthy relationship and your wife knows this, but doesn't know how to change her behaviour when she has probabley been like this for some time and she is covering up some deep-rooted pain she needs to talk about and to understand why her behaviour is the way it is. Only then can she change.
But ignoring her behaviour is the best thing you can do and wlaking out everytime she starts to behave like this, letting her know that once she is calm, only then will you talk with her. Don't so anything to wind her up as this is also destructive and serves no purpose other than to fuel her anger. She will respect you and like you a lot more if you start to behave like an adult too. If you just play upon her behaviour, then this is going to perpetuate her own.
I have given you the advice you need and am pretty experienced as used to be a realte counsellor for couples. Good luck.
2006-11-05 11:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi 2Cool,
Face it man, you need to dump her and move on with your life. You both have some serious issues that are probably never going be resolved, unless you both commit to really make this marriage work and invest in some serious marriage counseling therapy.
The fact that you cheated in the past means that she's never going to trust you ever again, and the fact that she's violent against you means that you are going to end up in jail for domestic violence, unless you get out of it now.
So do yourself a favor and invest in a very good divorce lawyer. Ask your friends and find out from them what lawyer they used and were they happy with their divorce settlement. Don't be afraid to spend a lot of money now, otherwise you'll be spending a lot more money later. And, finally don't be made to feel guilty by your wife. There was a reason why you were unfaithful and there was a reason why you tried to get back together, but now it seems like that isn't going to work.
Best of luck to you.
Also, I always tell guys who have questions about women that you need to check out the Tom Leykis radio talk show to learn more about what to do. You need to learn the rules of Leykis-101 to learn how to do better with women. Find out if this show is broadcast in your area. Here's his web site:
http://www.blowmeuptom.com
I hope that this helps.
--Rick
2006-11-06 09:49:10 · answer #2 · answered by rickrudge 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no acceptable reason for your wife to be hitting you with her purse or anything else. She needs to find a way to deal with her anger and express herself in a mature manner. There are sane women in the world. Let your wife know that you will not allow yourself to be treated in that manner. Stand up for yourself.
2006-11-05 11:06:12 · answer #3 · answered by bttrfly0724 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm from the responses below sounds like you deserved to be hit with the purse. If you found a new love you should have cut it off with your wife first jerk!!!! Too bad she didn't have a brick in her purse and NO none of us are sane because of jerks like you!
2006-11-05 11:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by One Of The Girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the cherry chapstick does indeed exist, why didn't you show it to her? But I've never known cherry chapstick to look like lipstick.
2006-11-05 11:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by missie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow sounds like you married Mrs. Barone!! She's quite funny. I think when she hits you with her purse you should fall to the ground crying in agony and flopping about like a fish out of water, maybe then she can have a laugh!!
2006-11-05 11:17:03 · answer #6 · answered by Shell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does your wife know if it was just a cherry chapstick? Did you show her? If she is still mad about it buy her a bunch of flowers.
2006-11-05 11:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by Reik 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there are still sane women in the world it is just if she had a man cheat on her in her past she is probably just insecure that you might be do in it too. try to talk to her and assure her that you are not cheating on her . and ask how or what can you do for her to believe you.
2006-11-05 11:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by been there 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aren't you the same guy who wants to know how to tell his wife he found a new love? Life is messy. Guess until you make up your mind what you want you are going to be getting slugged with a purse.....
2006-11-05 11:02:12 · answer #9 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Didn't you just post a question where you stated you were in love with another woman. Sounds like your wife is pretty smart.
2006-11-05 11:02:34 · answer #10 · answered by I love sushi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋