My husband and I physically separated and we have been trying to work things out. He spends the night with me sometimes and we have been getting along well.
I found out that he has allowed his mistress to move in with him although he said she moved somewhere else. He claims that she had no where else to go and he gave her every indication that he didn't want her there. But he still allowed her to move in until she can save enough money to move out.
He says that he really wants his family back and for us to be like we were. If he truly meant this, why did he allow this girl to move in? What is going on with those two?
2006-11-05 10:38:34 · 23 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is having problems deciding who he wants, and doesn't want to burn his bridges either way, so he gives u hope, and must give her hope also. he is a double minded man, who can't make up his mind,and holds all the cards, he is in control of the situation, why not take some of the control away, let him know he has to pick between u and her, and come home if he values u, if not than tell him maybe you and he should talk about divorce. than see how he reacts, and get his response. his actions show he is not sincere, he could make a decision to come home anytime he chose, the choice is his. he just isn't sure yet, so he keeps you hanging in there, by giving u hope. but it's not good for you at all. give him an ultamitium, and stick by it, and if he chooses her, than you haven't really lost a thing, but a cheating liar.
2006-11-05 10:53:48 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't have nowhere to go. Well, whose problem is that? Where was she staying before he move her in?There's houses and apartments for rent, a family member until she can get on her feet and there should be a shelter for the homeless in your area. So she has somewhere to go. That is a bunch of garbage he's telling you.
He wants he cake and eat it to and it's working. Apparently, he not trying to repair the marriage. It takes three people to make a marriage work (husband, wife and your higher spiritual being). A 4th person is a distraction and does not need to be within the circe which is his mistress. If your husband wish to continue the relationship with the 4th person, then he doesn't wont to be married.
2006-11-05 10:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to make a decision. Is it more important to make his "mistress" happy, or his wife and family that he's trying to reconnect with. This is not a situation where you should just "be cool about" or understand. If he really wants his family back, he needs to pick one. And don't give him a few weeks or even a few days to make it. He should be able to decide what's more important in ONE day. It may take a few days before she can actually move out, but he should be able to tell her to leave or stop calling you. That's bullsh*t. Handle it!
2006-11-05 10:45:32 · answer #3 · answered by mrmanseven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but your husband doesn't sound at all too serious about working on your marriage as he is having his cake and eating it too. He's giving u nothing but lip service at this point and I don't see how u two can work on your relationship unless he cuts all ties with his mistress. Don't be a fool.
2006-11-05 10:47:30 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is doing what men do...thinking with their ummmm pocketbook. Seriously, my grandma said that men need a woman who sets the limits or they will sleep with just about anyone, anywhere. Besides, she said they like knowing it matters and that they are needed. I don't know why you want him back when he gives such mixed messages...but before you make the phone call be sure what you want in a relationship. Write it out then spell it out to him specifically...let him answer for himself...don't make excuses for him anymore he is a grown up and knows exactly what he's doing. All the best to you.
2006-11-05 11:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants his cake, ice cream, hot dogs, chips, dips and the DJ all at the same time. AND you are letting him have it! (How?) Im glad you asked. By enabling him to treat you like this. You know what he is doing and still going through with it. Let him go for now. He will come to his senses and ONLY THEN will he respect you.
Hang in there, but dont let him get away with that!
2006-11-05 10:42:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your name is unsure? - perhaps you need to start liking yourself more than you do and not allow people to treat you the way they do.
Your husband is involving himself in the affairs of another woman and her financial problems are no reason at all for him to be concerened in her life and welfare. He is apt to deceiving you and by betraying your trust in the first instance, so be sure that he is someone who is good at not telling the truth and someone who sacrafices his marriage in the fist place for an affair.
There is no serious committment to you if he is willing to have this women in his premisis and his life, regardless of the excuses or reasons he gives you. Don't allow your gut-feelings and knowledge to deceive you - you know that this isn't right or okay at all and he is playing you for a fool no matter how much he tells you he wants this and that from you.
His actions are what matters, not his words. He has to work at getting his marriage back and if you hand it to him on a plate after going through a seperation, it will make it all too easy for him and think that you are okay about what he did to you and will more than likely do it again.
Sleeping with him isn't a wise idea and because he is still continuing to involve himself with another woman. Whether he is sleeping with this other woman or not, he is capable of it and has done it before and so your trust in him isn't going to be quite right. and she is still his mistress whilst she is in his life. He is dysfunctional and is running away from his responsibilities and trying to resolve them through having an affair and hoping to keep you as his wife.
He needs to get shot of this woman if he wants anything with you and I mean literally, but if he is hiding her away and protecting her, then it is likely he still wants to have the woman in his life. He is not trustworthy at all in my opinion and he is treating you disrespectfully and will continue to do so if you have any more to do with him.
Even if you are getting on great, the damage has already been done and to repair the trust, will take immense time and his full-time committment. He is sleeping away and I doubt alone. I would be so sure of this and that he intends to keep his mistress as he feels responsible for her enough to keep her in his life, well hidden, but there in the background. He is not going to be serious with you if for so long he has been this deceptive and I would leave him permanently if it were me.
If you stay, it will mean you will feel unsure and insecure for a long time to come no matter how much he promises you the world to be faithful. He wants the best of both worlds and this is so clear to see. Take back your powers from this man and start to like yourself again and get out of what seems like a cesspit of hidden dangers and false-hopes.
He will hurt you again and when you are in a less stronger position to change anything. Right now you at least have some power over the situation for keeping him at arms length, but if you take him back, he will cause you to feel weaker than you have done before and then abuse your trust all over again.
Leave the snake to deceive others, but not you.
2006-11-05 12:14:02 · answer #7 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly...Why would he of allowed this girl to move in? Don't get your hopes too awful high here , i think he is just wanting to keep you holding on for some reason. if he truley loved you an wanted you an his family back , i don't feel he would of let that girl move in with him.
2006-11-05 10:51:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wanted his family back he wouldn't be around her at all.
I believe in giving everyone the chance to make things right, but him living with his mistress isn't the way to start to repair the life he had with you. Insist on it being over with her... Or give up trying to fix it. I advise the second though.. You deserve better!
2006-11-05 10:47:58 · answer #9 · answered by sassiecassie76 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You answered your own question. He allowed it. And both of you are his doormats. No man would be unhappy with what you've given him. An opportunity to be with 2 women. The only thing that will stop it, is when one of you decide that you are tired of being the other woman.
2006-11-05 10:48:17 · answer #10 · answered by frogsandweeniedogs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋