Should I tell my mom that her husband has other kids?

Question

I found out this morning that my step dad (married to my mom for 3 years) has two other kids in New York that he has been keeping a secret.

I saw a post on Answers the other day that had a link to http://background-records.net/ Well, I was bored this weekend so I started checking it out. I entered various names and when I entered my step dad's name it listed a group of family names (including my mom, my sister, and myself). There were several other names listed that I was not familiar with. After checking the birth records on the site I discovered that my step dad is their father! The other kids are 12 and 14.

I am positive that my mom does not know this info. I am afraid she will be heart broken. Should I tell her or just pretend like nothing happened? I really don't know what to do.

Answer 1

My suggestion is not to say anything to her about it. It's your stepfather's responsibility to tell her, and if he hasn't, then that's between the two of them.

If you tell her and she reacts badly, she may subconsciously blame you for whatever happens afterward between her and her husband. Let them deal with it if and when he decides to tell her.

I also think that if you confront him with the information, you'd be playing with fire. Any man who is duplicitous enough to conceal two children from his current spouse may be capable of anything.

Take care of yourself, and watch out for signs of trouble with your stepdad. He may be the nicest guy in the world, or he may be a real rat turd. Either way, look out for yourself and your mom.

Answer 2

When you enter a new relationship it is wrong and unfair to judge your new mate for their private lives they had in their past, unless he told your mom he was a virgin. Your mom also has a past and its hers to tell, Maybe there is a very painful story attached to those kids or maybe your mom knows and respects his right to privacy? Its your mom you decide, My step dad had a family before he met us and we only found out after he passed away. It was a very painful past we found out and he was deeply hurt by it so choose not to tell us, My mom knew and kept the secret for him for 25 years.

Answer 3

How about talking 1:1 with dear old step dad and giving him an opportunity to tell her himself. Thought #2 is you found this info on the internet...???? which makes it about what.... 2% accurate?? just food for thought.....

Answer 4

You should tell your step-father that you found this info. and inform him that if he doesn't tell her, you will. That way the bad news comes from him. They are adults and need to work out this problem together. Of course if he doesn't talk about this with her, you should.Good luck to your entire family, this must come as quite a shock to you, and I'm sure it will to her as well.

Answer 5

You must have been pretty interested in getting background on your stepfather because I just checked out the link and the reports cost $40.00 a piece. Is there more to this story you are not telling us?

Answer 6

This really isn't for you to tell your mom...BUT, I would consider letting your step dad know that you know about the other kids, provide him with proof, and then ask him why he hasn't told your mom...also if he IS their father, he owes back child support for those kids.

Answer 7

The right thing to do is to tell the husband that you know and that he needs to tell her. Give him the opportunity first, and hopefully he will do the right thing. If not, then you can tell your mom yourself, and the husband can't be mad at you for it because you gave him a chance. Or maybe he'll be able to give you good reason why not to say anything, who knows?

Answer 8

regrettably greater than a number of mum and dad placed their youngsters interior the midst of their issues. My lady pal's mum and dad divorced while she replaced into basically somewhat female and her dad might constantly badmouth her mom. He might additionally ask her: "Who do you like greater - Mommy or Daddy?" She replaced into compelled to declare Daddy just to soothe him yet in certainty her resentment for him stored starting to be. Now she is unquestionably nearer to her mom and clearly loves her greater suitable than her dad. He replaced right into a substantial D-BAG and a terrible make certain. So i think of it is going the two techniques. now and back mothers badmouth fathers, now and back fathers badmouth mothers, and now and back it relatively is the two one in all them badmouthing one yet another. greater than a number of those that should no longer be mum and dad regrettably are mum and dad. @ hopscotch: it relatively is fake that ladies have it way greater suitable than adult men do in cutting-side society. In some techniques, ladies have it greater suitable and in some techniques adult men have it greater suitable. yet via no ability do ladies stay some form of privileged existence over adult men. basically turn on the television. television shows like '2 and a nil.5 adult men' portray all ladies as money hungry bimbos. 'American Dad' and 'relatives guy' are particularly misogynistic or maybe turn better half and youngsters violence into comedy. what share movies and television shows characteristic a pair the place the lady is lots greater suitable finding or youthful than the guy? None. yet i will make it easier to realize off the suitable of my head some examples the place the a lot uglier guy is with a a lot greater suitable finding and youthful female: 'in accordance to Jim'; CBS' Rob Schneider Comedy 'Rob'; and the action picture 'Jack and Jill' which featured Adam Sandler married to Katie Holmes. adult men easily have greater admire interior the media in part because of the certainty that maximum writers/manufacturers/administrators are male. I do agree some issues at the instant are not honest for us adult men regardless of if this is a lie to say ladies have it greater suitable. ladies do no longer even get the comparable point of admire as adult men do. How is that being privileged?

Answer 9

I would talk to your step dad and tell him what u know.Then tell him u will give him time to tell her or u will.This way if he tells her it will still hurt but not as bad.If u tell her then she will always think he kept it from her and maybe not trust him anymore. Then things will get really ugly at home. Good luck

Answer 10

talk to the husband first. Not all data bases are correct. I found one that had my husband married to his Aunt. We all lived in the same house. But yes your mom should know. She may know already don't be surprised.