Headed for divorce?

Question

I've only been married for 6 months. This past month has been full of fights with my husband and two days ago he decided that he wants to think about getting a divorce. He still calls me every day and today we even went to lunch. We aren't fighting but he still says he wants more time to think and we're supposed to talk about everything tonight when he gets off work around midnight. I still love him and he says he loves me and I'm a firm believer in trying everything I can until I'm ready to give up. To me six months just doesn't seem like we really gave it an honest try at all. I know I can't change his mind once he's made it up but what does everyone think of this? Is he really making up his mind or is he having a hard time just ending it? I asked him if he wants to do marriage counseling and he's not so big on that idea because he's the kind of person who thinks it doesn't work.Has anyone else ever been in this situation? If so, what ended up happening?

Answer 1

i think marriage counseling is a great idea, and that you should try to bring that up again. tell him you will give him a divorce only after he truly exhausts that option.

he needs to get to the bottom of how he is feeling s.t.a.t. so make tonite very productive with your conversation, and even ploy him with lovin' if you have to, but make sure that you get him to agree to try before quitting.

Answer 2

I have never been in this situation.
Speaking at an hour like midnight, when the majority are normally sleeping I feel is a bad idea. Wait for when you both have a day off and start fresh in the daytme or over a regular hour dinner when you both are fresh and "rested".
I wonder how much time you both had under your belt before tying the knott?
I wonder what you newly weds could be fighting about..
Sounds like you can talk. That is a good thing. Counselling works as a mediator sort of. If you both can work it out on your own, so be it.
Take time.
Know why you both decided to marry each other and decide together if divorce is the real answer.

Answer 3

I don't believe in the "First year" or "First 5 year" marriage sayings at all. To me that is a bunch of garbage. I've seen people married for 10 and 20 years that made it through their first year or first five years and marriage end up falling apart. So please son't believe those statements.
O.K. Just had to get that off my chest. Now to your situation.

You said the magic words here "6 months isn't long enough to give it an honest try". No marriage is perfect (at least I haven't seen one yet). Listen to and communicate with each other. Find out ways and things you can do to make your marriage work (spending more time together, date night, etc.). I commend you on saying that you are willing to do anything to make the marriage work but I must remind you that he has to do the same (it takes 2). If time is what he needs then give a "little time" to think things over. Ask him what are some things that he wants in the marriage and you tell him the same. What can we do to make the marriage work/better? Hope all works out for you all. Good Luck

By the way, Marriage counseling does work.

Answer 4

All Newlyweds go thru a period of adjustment, unless you have been living with this person it's hard to get accustomed to each others ways. Six months is not a long time. Sounds like he has his mind made up if he wont consider counseling, or even give it another six months. Hope he is up front with you and lets you know so you are not wasting your time. It will be hard to accept if you end your marriage but you will be better off doing it now than putting years into this relationship. Hope you get an answer and that you are open to his re-marks, don't take it personally....some people are just to immature for a solid relationship, and some just do not have the confidence to stick it out. Good luck to you, and I hope you get the answer you need to get on with your life.

Answer 5

Your husband is acting like a typical man, cant decide what he truly wants. The honeymoon period of your marriage is over and the real marriage is starting and now reality is hitting him hard. Tell him to give it a few more months and see what happens. Marriage counseling will work only if both are wanting the same result and are willing to work at it, but must approach it with a open mind and heart. It sounds to me as if he really and truly wants this marriage to work but isnt sure how to go about it. So approach your talk tonight with making it work and tell him that. I think with a little help your marriage will be a success unless one of you really screws it up. Good luck

Answer 6

What´s up? Six months? There is obviously something very wrong. Why did you marry in the first place? And why is everything up to him? He seems to have had enough of something, haven´t YOU HAD ENOUGH of this playing-around with YOU?? "Decide, man! I´m not gonna be here for you if you´re just gonna mess around. I have a life too, you know", is what I would say to him. Where is your pride? Think of how you want to be treated by a man and let go of this weird relationship.

Answer 7

The first year is supposed to be the honeymoon stage, and there shouldn't be much friction. I would say that you should try convince him to agree to counselling as i think without professional help at this stage, you could very well be doomed. If he won't agree to work on it, then i think you'll be better off without him and rather find yourself a less selfish man. Good luck, though, whichever path you take!

Answer 8

the first 5 years is really hard on a marriage, the 1st year is the worse - try not to bug him about staying together and listen when he talks tonight

Answer 9

Talk baby, obviously something is worrying him