I've read a lot of posts but not sure of any of them. Married 12 years. My husband did a 180 two months after we married (I became pregnant also though). He was working a lot as was I. He stopped coming to bed except for 2 late nights a week with a Wham Bam. No interest in pleasing me. He has tried to control me with keeping me home and hates when I go out with friends and gets paranoid but lies and goes out all the time with his buddies drinking etc. He does seem to have a porn addiction and mostly with women but they are misogynistic. He seems to prefer his buddies most of the time. Over the years I have caught him with my eyeliner (he says for his beard), wearing my underwear, using my bath products, now shaving most of his body, wearing what other guys wear and has a fascination with anal sex. Even though his porn is mostly women, it is the hardcore abusive/derogatory type. My best friend is a lesbian and he accuses me of stuff. Is he gay and am i the trophy wife?
2006-11-05 10:07:46 · 11 answers · asked by c c 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Sorry, He is a jackass and i have plans to leave. He also financially destroys things to make it difficult to leave, which I am working on. I guess I just needed an ear. I would have no problem if he were gay but I have three children to look out for and think I deserve to be set up nicely for the work and dedication I've put in!! Sorry guys! I have no problems confronting him but I'm sure he would deny this. Its always easier when there are answers though. Got A LOT of responses and I thank you.
2006-11-05 10:23:25 · update #1
OMG!!. I so enjoyed your answers. I have been focusing on getting my stuff together my own way to get out of this and been exhausted trying to find full-time work (my last step), which takes a lot of energy. I have been focusing more on myself and trying to regroup but my own question and your responses made me laugh!!! Once again, some of my energy is still trying to figure out why he is an a******.!!! HAAA. Thanks for your "slap in the face" (good thing)! Had a great night sleep for the first time in awhile with your reminders of my mission! And just a note: I have no problem being kinky or enjoying someones differences/experiencing different things if that person wants ME there to participate, not a trophy to use when they have needs. It has nothing to do with different needs, desires or orientation for that matter. It has everything to do with MUTUAL love and respect. With that, whatever works, works.
Thanks again!!!
2006-11-05 23:45:03 · update #2
Boy I don't know about the gay issue, but I'd bet good money that he's a crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual, and you just described my ex (except for the anal) to a tee. He is a drag queen, and straight.
Regardless if he's gay or straight or a crossdresser in either variety, this man does not love you.
Did that get your attention? This man has no respect for you, and he's not in love with you. Get your stuff together and get rid of him. Everyone deserves to be the most important person in their partners life, and you don't rank in his. Find someone who will appreciate you and what you bring to the table. Take your child and go, or boot his behind to the curb.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-05 10:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG, Is the question here really wether or not hes gay???
I think you have plenty of grounds to leave him regardless! Especially the porn addiction and the fact that he gets off on abusive porn. Not to mention the wham bam! Going out with buddies drinking all the time. Yeah, Id kick his asss to the curb!
But the gay question, Sounds like he very well could be. As long as you put up with his behavior and let him do these things, you are inabling him. Leave him. Thats all I have to say.
2006-11-05 10:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by arielsalom33 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
To quote Arnold Schwartzanegger "GET OUT"...and get out now. Plenty of time for you on your own to sort all of this out later. Whether he is gay or not is not the issue here...your husband is abusive and it will get worse before it gets better. Being on the receiving end of this type of behavior is beyond hurtful. I know I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years - been out 8 now and am finally loving myself and moving on in life. Please don't focus on the people who tell you that you are sick for putting up with him----I know first hand that when your self-esteem is in the toilet it is not helpful to have someone "blame the victim" and tell you that you are sick. You are a victim now....but you need to get out of this ugly mess with a healthy start on your own. I know this is often easier said then done because living with an abusive person day in and day out saps your energy...but garner it up....you are stronger than you think you are or give yourself credit for....if you don't feel you're in a place right now to do it for yourself, then do it for your child. Get out and sort it out later. You can do it. You must do it. Hugs, prayers and all my positive energy is being sent your way.
2006-11-05 10:52:57 · answer #3 · answered by paperorplastic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he might be slightly disturbed... he might be gay or bi and trying to deal with the fact that he is and that's where the lashing out comes from. If he's so confused that he doesn't know how to treat you or himself he's got something on his mind... it's really intriguing though that he wears your panties and accuses you of sleeping with your lesbian friend, kind of peculiar don't you think?
I think it would benefit you both to have some counceling, and if he won't go for it I think you, sadly, should leave him; you don't want your child seeing mommy being abused later on.
2006-11-05 10:17:50 · answer #4 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try goin' with the flow, girl, Kinky can be fun. Maybe your just a little closed to the idea. Join in the fun. Role play. Make it fun for him. you might enjoy.
2006-11-05 10:47:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get counseling now for yourself seems like a control freak
Get out now
2006-11-05 10:14:16 · answer #6 · answered by righteous992003 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No not gay. Jealous controlling and mysoginistic but not gay. That you would stay is such a terrible relationship strikes me as sick.
2006-11-05 10:11:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
if u want my advice i think u should dumb him...i mean he seems to be very controller,he gives himself rights and doesnot give them to u,like goin out etc...and i think u shouldnot waste lots of time thinkin if he's gay or no coz if i were u i would dumb him wether he's gay or no
2006-11-05 10:12:32 · answer #8 · answered by Tara 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is an *** and you deserve better.
Whether he is a gay *** or a straight or bi one means nothing....let him make someone else's life hell.
2006-11-05 11:45:13 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you had me until you got to the underwear part yeah he is gay and if he is black its even a better chance he is gay because more black dudes are in the closet while married than white dudes.
2006-11-05 10:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋