Do older women go lesbian because they cannot find decent partners?

Question

There is a human need for company, and older men don't want women in their age group...

Answer 1

I can't speak for all older women, only for myself. I agree with you, there IS a human need for "company". I find what I miss the most when I'm not partnered isn't the 'physical intimacy', it's the 'emotional intimacy'... the closeness of being with another.

As for older women going lesbian, I've done that. And for me, it wasn't due to not being able to find a decent male partner. It was because of my life experiences with the men I've chosen in the past. I've been married twice to men who turned out to be violent. Neither of them seemed to me to be the violent type when we were first married tho. When my last marriage to a man ended, (and I got the heck outta dodge), I made a promise to myself that I would never - EVER - pick another man.. No matter what! That was 19 years ago... I raised our 3 sons alone, and didn't look back.

Then when my sons were nearing their late teen years (about 6 years ago), my thoughts began turning to my future. Did I truly want to be alone for the rest of my life? I missed the emotional intimacy of being in a relationship. But I was still as determined not to choose another man, because for whatever reason I chose the wrong ones each time. I was in therapy and working on my issues too.

And it suddenly dawned on me. LOL I had sworn to myself not to choose another man, but uhhhhhhh... ermmmm.. who did that leave then?? Unless aliens were landing on earth, that only left women... The more I thought about it, the more comfortable I was with the idea. Of course I questioned myself, questioned my therapist... Would it be right for me to be with another woman? I spent a few years tussling with it all.

I didn't go looking for a female partner, it just.... happened. My first relationship was with a woman who was a very good friend of mine. And I realized that it did feel right to be with her. After several years I moved in with her. My sons were on the verge of being on their own, and they were very happy for us. Life was just fine... until she suddenly died from a blood clot from her leg to her lung. Then booooom! My life fell apart... I spent a few years wondering - what the heck??

My second relationship with a woman - I went looking for her. (I wrote about that in another question in here). That was a disaster waiting to happen. sigh.

But I learned some very valuable lessons. Among other things, I learned that relationships are relationships, no matter who that is with. I didn't just choose the wrong men - I chose the wrong partner, period. Back into therapy to learn how to choose the right "relationship". I realized finally that men aren't inheritently evil, neither are women. I simply had issues where I (unknowingly) chose the wrong person, the one who would end up being totally wrong for me. I did that over and over, male or female. So now I'm learning to deal with my OWN issues, so that one day I'll be able to recognize the right person when she comes along.

Oh yeah, I still prefer women over men for a relationship, but now it's for the right reasons, for me.

And thru the years, in talking with other older women who've 'gone lesbian' later in life, many have chosen this lifestyle because of their earlier life experiences. Some because they (like me) have been hurt by men so much. And they (like me) have learned the hard way that women can hurt women just as much (if not more) as men can. Some of these older women have realized that they've 'bought into' the pressures and/or expectations of society, and have gotten married to men because of that, only to realize they weren't happy, they weren't being true to themselves. It has taken some of those women quite some time to realize or admit that to themselves. The lucky ones are those who realize it early on and avoid years of misery.

Well.. I guess I could go on and on... LOL.. Hope this answered your question.

Myst

Answer 2

Thats just a lame thing to even think! Go lesbian, how completely uneducated of you.

First of all, you dont just "go lesbian, or go gay" you are born that way.

Second, while i agree that the need for human companionship is necessary, why on earth would someone just decide that shes going to change her entire life and be with a women just because some older men are not interested? Im sure there are some men that are.

Third, what exactly do you define as a decent partner? Do you think it is easier to be a lesbian? Please. Let me just tell you that it is not easier, women are very difficult to be in a relationship with due to all the feelings and emotions that we have. Try that times 2. And its hard to find a decent women, took me almost 10 yrs and 12 different partners! Men are much easier, give them food, sex and a little attention, there good.

Answer 3

Do older women go lesbian? I had no idea.

I doubt anyone, old or not, can 'go lesbian'- you can't just consciously switch your desires.

It's more likely that older women have finally come to a point in their lives when they can come out and be who they are- especially elder people today, who, in their prime youth, were living in a homophobic time.

I'd also like to point out that the human need for company is different than sexual orientation and sexual desires. That statement would be a good basis for a question about older female friendship, or non-sexual 'Boston marriages'.

Who says older men don't want women in their age group? Some like to rob the cradle, but a great deal are happy with women who age gracefully and beautifully, who have similar life experiences because of their age, etc.

Answer 4

Actually I've never wanted for decent male relationships. I just have horrible taste in men, and after 35 plus years of experience and no improvement on my part, I decided I was done. At the same time, a wonderful funny attractive intelligent woman walked right up to me and challenged me to a lifetime of passion, and I have never been happier.

There are many decent men in my life, both now and in the past. However, none ever created the lust, desire, white hot blinding passion that this woman does whether we are simply holding hands watching a movie, or expressing our sexuality an a long hot BDSM scene. I have never been more satisfied and content.

If I simply wanted companionship, I would have gotten a dog.

Answer 5

All older men do not want younger woman. I would bet that older women who "switch" to women were bisexual to begin with or lesbian and living a lie before. It does not appear that you can simply flip the switch and become attracted to the same sex.
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Answer 6

I feel like some women have been so hurt by men their reluctant to be with another man so they try to find comfort in a person that's like them and can relate with exactly what their going through so they choose another woman. In other ways there's that ole saying another woman knows what another woman wants. Although some women are just real curious and would like to know what's it really like to be with another woman.

Answer 7

you don't just go lesbian you are or you aren't. and who needs older men there are a lot of younger men who want older women. i am 48 and my husband is 41 and my bf is 31 (yes they know about each other) so who needs old farts

Answer 8

I would think there would have to be a disposition towards that way of life. Its a bit extreme as a life choice if you have never fancied women before!

Answer 9

no one "goes lesbian" or "goes gay." there are some people, who, because they were brought up being taught that being gay is wrong and shameful, are in denial and confused for years. some try to please their families by trying to live a straight life...only to realize later that they are just living a lie and they are miserable. they were gay/lesbian all along....and were made to feel ashamed by their family/society. and so they "came out" later in life. they didn't "turn" gay/lesbian....they were repressing their true selves because they were shamed into doing so. I have met many people (my partner included) who got married, and tried to live the straight life...and they were miserable for doing so.

Answer 10

I don't know about that but I do now that older women care less what other people think and tend to do what they want.They are more confident in themselves.