Marriage and having other friends?

Question

This question is really for the married girls, but I would appreciate any answer. If you had a friend that was a guy, and your husband did not want you to hang out with this guy at all or be friends, would you stop being friends with the guy or would you tell husband that he is being insecure? The guy has been a good friend for a while, but husband seems to think he has other motives, even though he is married himself.

My guy friend seems to want to come around more when my husband is not there. He likes for us to hang out when husband is at work, BUT, he will also hang out with the both of us too.

No, he is only like this with guys that he feels want more. I have two gay guy friends that he is buddies with and has no problems with, but I hang out more with the one he doesnt like than the others. Anyone I spend lots of time with he gets a bit a jealous it seems !!

Answer 1

Maybe it's insecurity and maybe it isn't. But to answer your question: My husband and I have friends of the opposite sex (who are also married) that we hang out together with but if my hubby told me that he doesn't feel comfortable with me hanging around "so and so", I would do my best not to put him in a situation where he would feel threatened by other men. Keeping harmony in the marriage is important to me.

Answer 2

Whats more important? This guy friend or your husband?

Your husband may have insecurities, but at the end of the day it's give and take. How hard is it to have girl friends?

Do you trust your friend more than husband's judgement?

Reverse the roles in your head and see if you like it if some girl kept wanting to hang around your husband while you aren't around. If you are saying that you wouldn't be jealous then you're either deluding yourself or inhumanly confident or don't want to be married.

Choice is yours.

Answer 3

What if this situation was reversed? Your husband is hanging out with a (married) woman with whom he previously had been friends. Would you be bothered by it or think that the other woman had other motives?
What kind of relationship -- if any -- do you have with your friend's wife? How does she feel about her husband hanging out with you?
Once you're married, priorities shift a bit; part of those wedding vows are to honor your spouse. It's really important to have honest, clear communication with your husband about this.
I think it's entirely possible to be married and to have friends of the opposite sex and NOT have to worry about whether or not the relationship will ever go further than friendship. But you need to be very secure in your primary relationship (your marriage) and so does your spouse. Trust is tantamount and if that's shaky or non-existent, then you're headed for trouble! Is risking your marriage worth it?
P.S. I'm assuming that your husband is not someone who monitors your every move and is otherwise over-possessive and controlling.

Answer 4

So you think because this ''friend'' is married he can't have an agenda were your concerned...................................................


First and foremost you should reverence your husband. That means RESPECT his wishes. Let's swoop shoes here, say your husband has this pretty little friend that he's been friends with for awhile, and you would prefer he not be friends with her, even though she's married. Wouldn't you want your husband to respect your wishes? I'm pretty sure your answer is HELL TO THE YES!!

Sometimes it's not about insecure, but your husband knows better than you do how men, some men think, and his feelings about something should be respected, he's not asking you to dis-own your mother, he asking you to eliminate excessive contact with a man that's probably trying to work his way in your draws!

Answer 5

Other married men can have other things going on too. Some of the wifes friends would be quite tempting married or not. But as for you and the husband. Is he this way with all guys or just this one friend? He might have heard bragging or stories from him or others. If it is just this one then be careful if it is all then he needs some security and trust.

Answer 6

Your husband maybe right after all he is a guy. He may be insecure (do he have reason to b) he may need just more attention than you give this guy ask him why or hang out as a group.

Answer 7

You should respect your husband's wishes. If the roles were reversed and he had a girl friend, would you honestly want him hanging out with her and chatting all the time? Your marriage should come first. If your husband is ok with you all spending time together socializing, that may be different. .

Answer 8

My hubby probably would not understand either. I have a guy friend that is Gay, but just like you, he doesn't mind that situation. I think it is insecurity that pops up. Are you sure that there is nothing happened in this friends heart? Something in what you said just doesnt sit right..but I can't pin-point it out.

Answer 9

I would explain to my husband that this gentleman is a very dear friend who wants nothing more from me than my friendship. It is and will always remain strictly platonic. However, if my husband remains terribly distressed by this friendship, I would have to speak with my friend and explain the situation and let him know that my husband is my greatest priority and although it seems unfair and unreasonable our relationship must end. Perhaps, someday things will change but right now my husband's peace is the most important thing in my life.

Answer 10

There needs to be some compromise, your hubby needs to realize that the guy is your friend and was before you and him got together, but you also need to realize that your hubby doesn't want to have to share you with other guys...how would you feel is he had a female friend. There has to be open honesty that's the only way a marriage will work.