How do deal with my husbands ex-wife's manipulations, false accusations?

Question

Since the day my husband asked me to be his girlfriend, his ex-wife has given us such hell! She's let us see Cindy (their daughter) four times in this year. I had to get a anti- harrasment order on her because... long story, he tried to modify there parenting plan because she was always deinying her to him or comming over unanounsed and taking her from us. Our order has expired, I saw her at the mall on Holloween, as I walked up to them and she recognized me she ran! I've gone to her house and called her phone, but she don't answer. Yesturday she called me back and told me to butt out of her business, that it's not my place and that I have no right to do what I'm doing!! problem

He's my husband, we have a child together, he's been violent to her and he's had problems w/ drug use, a couple more reasons why she say's she'll make sure we never see her, because he's a looser and don't deserve to see or hear his daughter... who the hell is she to make that dicision?!

Answer 1

She is right, you have no business interfering between his ex-wife, the child and him. It isn't your place to go to her house and confront her. If his child with his ex-wife is important to him, it should be your boyfriend's responsibility to have visitation enforced, if it is appropriate. I have a feeling that you are not telling the whole story. Perhaps there is a very good reason for him not having frequent contact with this child.

Answer 2

Well, I have to say as a mother myself who is divorced from an alcoholic drug user, I tend to not let my kids see their father, he is always driving drunk with them in the car etc. So I think that she is trying to protect her child and she has every right to do that. As for you being with a drug addict, and having a child with him, shame on you, why would you want to bring a child into that same environemt and to teach your child that being abusive and a drug addict is okay. SO as for you feeling sorry for your husband not seeing his daughter, too bad tell him to clean his act up and act like a real man. And good for the ex she is making a smart decision to protect her child. Did you really expect to get symphthy for this one, geez ladie get a grip you are so wrong in so many of these issues maybe the ex needs to get a restraining order against you. You have no right to go to her house or anywhere else.

Answer 3

i know it is very hard to do but you need to let them work out this thing. i have been there and you will just end up in a big mess for no good reason. my situation was a little different because the ex has a lot of mental problems and tried to get me involved in their disputes. finally i just told her that it was between them and i wouldn't hear any more of her crap. they ended up getting lawyers and we are about to have it all settled in a week or so in court.{after almost two years of the crap} if you let her she will try to come between your husband and you, i hope you are not being abused by him and that his drug use really is in the past, if not you have much bigger problems to deal with than the ex.

Answer 4

She is right! As a mother, I don't care who my ex is married to. What is important is the childs well being. Who is she? THE WOMAN who grew and has so far raised that beby in her own best interest! She deserves a medal for keeping the drug abusing father away from the baby. Your husband needs to get help. I would do the same as the ex. Sorry.

Answer 5

She is right about one thing even though he is your husband you dont want to get involved with the issues they have with their daughter. I know you love him and want to help but you dont want to make matters worse. If the court says he can see his daughter or however they work out this custody she should let him as long as what he done in the past stays in the past. But if he is a changed man she shouldnt hold that over him and use their daughter to hurt him.

Answer 6

Right now she can't get passed all the hurt in their marriage, and she is right you need to back off!

Maybe its time for your husband to take responsibilities for his actions and get some help!!
If he has a history of abuse and drugs, I would be difficult when it came to my child too!

You ALL could use some kind of counselling, those poor kids!

Good luck

Answer 7

She is the child's mother for one. If he has been violent with her, then maybe she is scared to let him see the child. If he truly was violent toward her, then maybe you should watch your own back. Violent men rarely change. I've been there too many times. I KNOW!!!!! Be careful.

Answer 8

she is still hurt and angry about his treatment of her, and she is jelous that he treats you better, she causes problems with you because she isn't happy with her life, and she thinks u are, so she will do whatever she can do to hurt, punish, and cause grief. unfortunatly when there is children involved you have to deal with the ex's, and it isn't easy. perhaps she resents you having a part in the decisions about her daughter. so maybe back off a bit, don't confront her at all and hope for the best. she is jelous of you, and maybe sees his life is ok now, and maybe hers isn't, so it is all about envy, your new baby, your life. perhaps he never ask her to forgive him for whatever he did to her. she really hasn't let go of the pain yet, and it's basically the only control she has, disallowing you and your husband visitation. she is still paying him back for the grief that he caused her.

Answer 9

she clearly still loves him and she is right what the hell has it got to do with u this is a child they had together stay out of it i would be mad to if i had my exs wife coming up to me about my child and if this drug abuse thing is true then she has every right to not let him near there child I'm sorry it must be hard for u but just stay out of it

Answer 10

Your husband was violent and used drugs? And you can't understand why his ex doesn't want him anywhere near their child?

Wake up!