My ex John severely beat our disabled child. Will John ever take responsibility for what he did to our child?

Question

Currently he blames us for his attack. I was told that if he does not take responsibility for his actions, he will never be reformed. Making it very likely he will attack again. I want to help John, but I don't know how. Quite honestly I feel very sorry for him, he's lost everything and the people who loved him more then anyone else on the face of the earth. I know that John absolutely adored his kids. He can't possibly be happy without them, they were his biggest fans. Despite who or what he uses to try to fill the void, he cannot. Because I know at some point he will be involved in their lives again. I want that transition to be smooth and heathly for both the children and John. Deep down he is a good guy who just needs a lot of heathly encouragement. So I want to help begin the healing as we move forward with our own lives. I have another amazing man in my life who also wants to help, but we are not sure how??? Please help!
Please do not add sarcastic answers, this is serious!

Answer 1

Do not try and portray the Savior to your ex John. The fact that he was abusive to his disabled child should be reason enough to advice him to seek anger control or management counselling. It may be necessary that his visits initially be supervised by Child Welfare or whatever agency is available in your area. Would suggest to you that although you can try and be empathic with your ex that you not become too involved with him or his problems as he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with before he can be responsible. Please do not allow yourself to be conned into letting him back into your children's like too quickly. And best of luck also.

Answer 2

sounds like he replaced right into a administration freak once you 2 have been at the same time "5 3 hundred and sixty 5 days restraining order against my ex husband for better half and youngsters abuse", and not something approximately him has replaced. He needs to regulate you even now, and he's familiar with the place you're susceptible - the toddler. a thank you to try by contrast? a million. shop doing as you're, and stay on the on the instant and slender - do and say no longer something that should gas his "quest". 2. record his threats - while (time and date) how (telephone, fax, letters, text textile, digital mail). in case you may shop copies. shop a mag - yet do no longer put in any comments - basically persist with the info. Do record how this makes you experience. examine with the police. This touch may be able to be in violation of the restraining order. 3. comprehend that no choose is going to get rid of your toddler, except there's a shown threat on your toddler's wellbeing, no count what he says. there's a reason you have sole custody. So carry at the same time what info you may that your toddler is a happy, nicely adjusted, nicely cared for toddler. Day care vendors, wellness care professional's visits, comments from associates, and so forth. Then take a seat back and relax, understanding his threats are a lot warm air and which you're nicely armed if he does prefer to proceed this actual conflict.

Answer 3

I work with disabled children and young adults. I personally feel that you as the parent should try to protect your child since they usually can't protect themselves. A man that beats on his child and then can not take responsibility is not someone that you would want to be involved with your child. Your sometimes better off just being the only parent especially if the other parent is not a healthy relationship. Just be very careful it's all warning signs to a bigger disaster. God Bless and be strong.

Answer 4

I can't believe what I just read. Tina...HELLO! The punk bastard severly beat a child. Your child. I don't care if the child is a vegetable. The child is a human being. Just taking responsability for doing what he did is no guarantee that he won't attack again. That chicken sh it SOB belongs in prison where they know just how to deal with people who harm children. Did you call the Police and follow through with seeing to it that he pays for what he did? My God girl. Wake up and smell the coffie. Why would you even want him around your children? Allowing something like this to happen and go unpunished is just as bad as the actual act of what he did. And why would you care about how he feels and the void in his heart? He doesn't deserve to live. And that poor child didn't deserve to be beaten by that punk. This situation you're in makes my blood boil. I suggest you seek professional help asap. Start with calling the Police.

Answer 5

I'm very sorry, this is beyond tragic.

I think your time would be better spent helping your "disabled child" and not worrying so much about your "ex's" welfare. Your child is the one you should be feeling "sorry" for. And your child is the one that needs "healthy encouragement", not your "ex".

John obviously has "issues" and needs far more help than you are going to be able to give him. "Good guys" do not severly beat their children, and to do that to a child who is "disabled" is unforgiveable in my eyes.

Yes, he needs to take responsibility and that fact that he hasn't should be a huge "eye opener" to you! He needs to go to jail for his actions.

My grandson is disabled, so I understand how "difficult" and "frustrating" it can sometimes be to deal with a disabled child. The difference is that most well-adjusted parents are able to "control" their behavior when they become angry and frustrated.

Yes, I'd say this is very "serious", you all need to seek professional help with this situation immediately. I would be less concerned about this new "amazing man" and your "ex" and far more concerned about your child and what this might have done to him.

If you really want to "move forward" with your lives, please get yourself and your children some professional help. You can't do this on your own.

As far as your "ex", if he's not going to get help and try to "change", he needs to be locked up to ensure that he never has the opportunity to injure your child again. If he doesn't want to take responsibility, or get help, they he doesn't need to be in your children's lives. If he loved them, he would know that!

I will pray for your children, you need to concentrate on them, not anyone else until this is resolved!

Answer 6

You're right. It is serious. How and why did this occur? I'm afraid you are making excuses for someone who is abusive in the extreme. To beat any other human being shows a total disregard for that person's wellbeing. Anger management is a tool, but not a reliable one. I'm afraid there are too many platitudes tossed around these days. John should have only supervised visits with his kids from now on - that's if he is allowed to visit at all, and to be honest, I don't think he should.

Answer 7

You as this child's Mother and guardian are expected to protect this child. If you fail to do so, CPS will hold you accountable as well. That usually involves removing the child from the home. Think about that before you worry about the abuser. The child's Father should seek help on his own and involve you only when it becomes necessary. In the meantime, you need to protect the child and report the abuse before someone else does and the child will be without it's only loving parent.

Answer 8

John needs professional help desperately. He is violent and out of control so this is no time to be so concerned about him, it's time to focus on what is best for the kids. John must learn to behave like a responsible adult and you cannot do this for him. Please don't allow your kindness to confuse you because emotions are not very intelligent and they could cause a lot of unnecessary pain to your little ones. John is not ready to take responsibility for what he did to your child because he hasn't been able to take responsibility for himself as a man.

Answer 9

And this man is still alive??? After he beat your son??? You didn't have him arrested???

YOU need help! I would never allow this man any where near my children again....

What is this ex's problem? Why is the world would he beat your disabled son? I just can't imagine you trying or wanting to help him...

I'm sorry for you and your children if you allow him to be a part of your life ever again.

And you are right...this is WAY serious!

Answer 10

First of all, you need help.

Help to beat the dependencey you have on this John, help to build a life without this John and help to deal with the pain he has caused to your family. Then and only then you can start to deal with this John.

Get on with your life and leave John to deal with his own demons and issues. Your role is to be the best mother you can be to these children and that includes keeping them safe.