My German husband and I have been married for two years. We live in Germany. This October I went home to the States and also spent time with my male best friend, which I met 13 years ago ... and I fell in love... very much unexpectantly so. Do I have these feelings, just because I am homesick? Could this be anything more? I am so confused!
2006-11-05 08:23:58 · 19 answers · asked by laya_sarai 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you are in a tough situation indeed...and the answer to this question is not an easy one (despite some of the heartless one liners you've gotten so far). Sometimes the heart plays funny tricks on us...giving us mixed signals about love. It could be that your unexpected feelings for this man are simply reactions to old memories and to being, like you said, homesick, but it could very well also be that you have fallen in love with him. My suggestion is this...go home to Germany and have no contact with your best friend for a good month or two. Try to move on with your everyday life while throwing yourself wholeheartedly into your marriage (even if you feel like you don't want to). Then if after the two months are up, you are still having these deep feelings for your best friend, you are going to have to discuss things with your husband and figure out if staying married is what you really want. If you do decide that the marriage isn't right for you, it has to be YOUR decision even if your male best friend isn't in the picture...you can't leave your husband only because you are hoping to be with this other man. Good luck.
2006-11-05 08:40:07 · answer #1 · answered by missapparition 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When a man and a woman are so close, it's easy to mistake that feeling for being in love...but think about it this way, there is a reason the two of you were only friends when you were living in the states...there is no reason why that should change now, especially since you're married.
It probably has more to do with the fact that you are lacking something emotionally in your marriage and your best friend and you are so close that you assume he makes up for it.
If I were you, I would distance myself from my best friend and try to think about all the things about your husband that you love. Right now, you are probably focusing on the things he is lacking in, or the things that bother you about him.
He's your husband, don't give up on him.
If you go back to your husband and find that you are no longer in love with him, leave him on the basis of that but under no circumstances should you leave your husband for another man or cheat on him. You will end up hating yourself and your best friend for it.
2006-11-05 08:34:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married, your commitment is to your husband. Any time you spend thinking about, in contact with, or making plans for or with this other man is effectively "emotional cheating". You didn't say if you had consummated this relationship while you were in the States so I won't speculate.
Many here may tell you to go for it. That is your choice, but if you decide to, then divorce your husband before you do. I think you need to do some serious thinking and I don't mean about the other man.
2006-11-05 08:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here are some questions you might want to think about:
1) Do you love your husband and are willing to make any sacrifices for improvement in your marriage?
2) Is your male best friend already in a relationship or marriage? If they are, will you be to blame if your friend's marriage or relationship falls apart?
3) If you want to get involved with your male best friend, what is your best friend ready to bring into your relationship? Will he be able to support you if you do not wish to work? Or will he expect you to work?
4) Does your male best friend already have children?
5) Would you like it if your husband fell in love with a woman from his past and want to rekindle their romance? Or would you be jealous?
Write down the pros and cons about your husband and best friend and see how much you can come up with.
2006-11-05 13:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by choosinghappiness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't mistake attraction for love- are you in love with your husband? Often times, feelings like this are a product of letting yourself get into a situation where you allow another person to fill the emotional role that your husband should be filling. Being so far away from him made this easy for you to do, it appears. Search yourself, if nothing else you owe it to your marriage to have one last-ditch effort at saving things by seeing a counselor. But my hunch is it is just basic attraction for the friend...
2006-11-05 08:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by true_halcyon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in love with the ideal of being in love...the whirlwind romance of meeting someone after knowing them so long...dont get swept up in the moment...look deep into your heart and remeber why you fell in love with your husband in the first place...and if those feelings are still there then go home to him...if those feelings are gone and you see no future for husband then go home and sort it out with him...dont lead him on...But do not throw away your happiness with your husband on a whim...
This is hard...but only you can answer this question...
2006-11-05 08:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anastasia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is why you shouldn't have best friends that are the opposite sex. it has been said having a relationship with some one of the opposite sex that is strictly Platonic {without getting your feelings involved}, is like surviving a plane crash, what are the chances of that. you are a horrible person if you cheat on your husband, so before that happens you need to cut off all association with this guy. Hope you make the right choice. Bye.
2006-11-05 08:31:23 · answer #7 · answered by KatieJB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you love him...he's your best friend. I think that since you say you visited and have returned home, you already know the answer to your question, but are feeling a little guilty for the feelings you had while in the states. Give it some time...think about whether you and your husband are real and if maybe he is your true best friend...he should be, maybe you are not letting him show you.
2006-11-05 08:28:44 · answer #8 · answered by Ofie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
are you and your husband happy? when i got married, i was the happiest girl ever. until two days later when i got a letter from my best guy friend saying, he should have been the one to marry me, he loved me more than life itself. later i found out he'd shot hisself on my wedding night. don't go through life wondering what it'll be like if you were with him instead of your husband. if you and your husband are having problems, then i don't know. i know how it is to be home sick and miss all your friends. does thid guy love you back? you need to do some serious thinking before you do something you regret and lose them both. best of luck to you.
2006-11-05 08:30:14 · answer #9 · answered by Perfectly Insane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what else you can find it here just " sex in the state" and "sex in the city" in this city of angels.Yes it could take up to one step forward,this is your home state and you are homesick.Don't get be confused..keep on doing what you are supposed to do!.Married ! so what? They have the right to love some one there is a big ocean front,don't live in a small lake or well.Try to swim in the ocean.
2006-11-05 08:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by precede2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋