My 23 year old son moved back home 2 months ago. Since he has been here he has paid "rent" once and the check bounced.(my husband and I cannot afford to just put him up for free...he uses the washer and dryer, showers and eats here as well as sleeps here sometimes. We asked for $50 per week.) He does not have his own room and must sleep on a rollaway bed. We have an unfinished room where he can keep his things...and he has a storage room.His stuff is everywhere.Shoes, clothes, mail, dirty dishes, when he finishes with something...he just leaves it where ever he is.He changed his oil and there is oil all over the pavement.He didn't even attempt to clean it up with cat litter.When he gets paid he is off with girls and parties and spend,spend,spend until he runs out and then he starts bouncing checks so he has no money to pay rent.I imagine he is not paying his other bills either like his truck payment.We can't just kick him out but we aren't helping him by supporting him like this.
2006-11-05 07:52:25 · 13 answers · asked by rcpaden 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He used to be a responsible, polite, an helpful kid..I think we raised him right...problem is, he discovered girls. And he will spend everything he has to be with them. He stays on Myspace when he is here, downloading all sorts of stuff. He stays gone most of the time...so I can't even talk to him. If he didn't leave such a mess everywhere it wouldn't be so bad. He had clothes all over the laundry room and the unfinished room...in the washer(for several days...yuck) and dryer. My 17 year old son took his clothes and dryed them and put them all in a stack so he could wash his own clothes. My 23 year old son said now I can't tell what is clean and what is dirty and I will have to wash them all over again. Which would tie up the washer and dryer for no telling how long...the stack of clothes is literally 4 feet tall and takes up at least a 15 by 15 foot area.
2006-11-05 08:12:58 · update #1
You can give your son a deadline to move out. both you and your husband have already raised him, and since he is no longer a child, he must grow up and start to act like a man. You have neither the room nor the resources to raise your child any further and you shouldn't either. A deadline, maybe 3 months from now should give him ample enough time to save up enough money to get his own place. If you dont say anything to him you are condoning his behavior and he will think it will always be OK.
Now we all know that when our children grow older, there will always be a safe place at home to come to if they need it in dire times. But if your son is just wasting his money on booze and women, then he isn't making the effort to get himself out of that situation. Don't pay any of his bills, and require that he gives you the rent money BEFORE he goes out after getting paid. The worst thing that will happen is that he will see you aren't joking and he needs to grow up.
Now, if in three months he has made ample progress to get a place, but needs just a few more dollars or a few more months to get the deposit together, give it to him, but if not, let him know he will have to go, with or without a place.
2006-11-05 08:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow your son sounds like my brother, and for that I'm sorry. My brother bounces checks gets in trouble and parties. He is 24. My dad supports him and does everything for him. Recently he and my father got into a huge fight and did not talk to one another. Usually when my bro is to drunk to drive he'd call my dad, but being a stubborn little punk, he didn't. My brother wrecked. Good thing he wasn't hurt, but now he was in a mess not even my dad could help him out of. Being his 2ND DUI my brother would have to serve 45 days in jail...i think it should be longer. 30 of the days were served in rehab and 15 in jail. Now since my brother has seen how much he needs his family he does not really take it for granted. He manages his money a little wiser now and dose not drink it all up, so my advice would be just let him be on his own, trust me i know it would be so very hard to do. Sooner or later he'll know he depends on you, hopefully learning this will make him wiser......BEST OF LUCK*
2006-11-05 08:04:11 · answer #2 · answered by Danielle K 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he's 23 and he in basic terms have been given his first pastime... how plenty are you able to truly anticipate from him? to no longer sound mean yet via 23 i became residing in my own place of living, after putting myself by using college, and had landed a occupation-like pastime. What does his time table would desire to do with something? you do no longer have faith him on your place via himself? he's 23 and your son, you're able to have faith him till he's given you a reason to no longer. If I have been you, i'd take a seat and confer with him. tell him that he's an grownup now and he's meant to act like it... pitch in around the place of living, pitch in on hire, plan on shifting out, and so on. If no longer, you are going to throw his butt out. you are the mummy, do no longer overlook that.
2016-10-03 07:41:49 · answer #3 · answered by armiso 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it may be, YOU have to "kick" him out of your house. If he has to live on the streets, then so be it. It may just knock some since into him. If he is not paying his truck payment, they will come and pick it up then he will need someone to "bail" him out again. DON'T DO IT!
I know this is hard to do...but since he knows you will take care of him and give him a place to live and if it comes to it, a vehicle to drive, he will never leave and never grow up.
OR, Sit him down and tell him you will give him one more chance. That you expect to be paid rent immediately when he gets paid and if he doesn't pay, give him a 2 week notice to vacate. (However, in some states, you may have to treat him as a renter and take him to court to evict him.) If he gives you another check that bounces, charge him the service fee! Insist only on cash!
If he continues to leave his clothes, mail, dishes, etc laying around.....gather them up in a trash bag and leave them for the trash pick-up.
You should not have to put up with this type of behavior from a 23 yr old child. He is old enough to take care of himself and if he chooses not too, then you should let him flounder on his own!
Good luck to you....my heart goes out to you!
2006-11-05 08:08:19 · answer #4 · answered by Sharpae 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i know you don't think that you can just kick him out, but that's what you are going to have to do. as long as people have someone to take care of them, they won't just grow up on their own. give him another chance and tell him that his rent is due whenever. and even though he has his own "room" that it is still your house and you expect him to keep it clean. if he cannot follow by your rules, then he pretty much is kicking himself out. life isn't hard when you are 23, but it can be. the sooner he learns that the better off he will be in the long run.
2006-11-05 07:59:07 · answer #5 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it sounds harsh, but you've given him more chances than most would. Sit him down and lay down the ground rules and the consequences for violating them. All of his stuff must be put away or you'll throw it in the trash. If he doesn't pay rent, he's out, period. If he continues to violate the rules, throw him and his stuff out. Then change the locks. Explain to him that you love him, but you are his parents, not his door mat.
2006-11-05 08:08:13 · answer #6 · answered by A 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sound like he's taking advantage of you. You need to put your foot down and set some ground rules. If he can't abide, then he needs to hit the door. Otherwise you're just enabling him. He will never grow up and be responsible, if you are always there to clean up his mess. My parents had to turn me away and it hurt but now I realize why they did it. And I had to grow up real fast. Hope this helps.
2006-11-05 08:07:59 · answer #7 · answered by angrybee 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you said you don't want to kick him out, but you have too. I mean, this is disgusting!! You NEED to tell him that if he doesnt straighten out within the next month he has got to go. If you dont act strict with him now it will only get worse. Im sure if the girls he dated new how irresposible he was they wouldnt want to date him. You are the mother, take charge! I would never treat my parents house like he is treating yours!
2006-11-05 08:01:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Was he raised from/during childhood to be a responsible adult or did you do everything for him? If you did, how can you expect him to become a responsible adult overnight? He needs to be out on his own so that he can grow up (the hard way) if he wasn't taught by "responsible parents" when it was your turn.
2006-11-05 07:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Encourage him to join the military. That will make a man out of him.
Either that or kick him out. He is an adult. You CAN kick him out. Give him a set time period to get prepared to move out and stick to it.
2006-11-05 07:58:24 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋