So my friend just found out he's gay. There are few gay guys at school, open ones at least. He's lonely and needs help, and doesn't know how to find someone. I'm supposed to help him, but I don't really know how to. I don't know what to tell him, other than it'll be okay and he won't be alone for the rest of his life. Advice?
2006-11-05 07:02:14 · 19 answers · asked by dulce et decorum 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hi there!
Well I'm sure your friend did not "just discover he is gay" it's not like you look under this rock one day and Oh My God I just discovered this.
It just sounds cute the way you said it, but I'm sure he has known for quite a while because gay does not BING turn on all of a sudden.
So support him be his best friend more then ever right now, because it took him tremendous courage to even speak to you about it ...I would think.
I don't know how old either one of you are but it is the same for heteros as homos we all need and all need at the different ages, so just be there for him and love him. It will all come in time, his courage will build and he will meet people just as everyone does, give it time. Maybe at school there are some support groups for gays, something like that could be helpful for him and help him feel more secure about himself plus he could meet people.
2006-11-05 07:15:47 · answer #1 · answered by Crampy Grampy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Date him.
2006-11-05 09:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont just discover that you are gay. That is unless some one has convinced him that he is gay. But then again there are some that are just gay for play or out of convinence or because of a trauma. Other wise it is something that they have always felt. Maybe talk to him and find out if it isnt because someone did something to him so now he thinks he is gay. If you are his friend just straight out ask him if everything is alright and that if someone isnt trying to make him think like that or if someone had done something to him or if he has always felt like that and if it is because he has always felt like that then thats fine with you but you just wanted to make sure that no one had hurt him or is making him think that he is gay. Make sure you talk to him in a real private place where there are no other ears around for starters before you try talking to him . By him being alone I have a feeling that something might of happened to him. Any advice you give him should be if it is because someone has done something to him he should tell someone so it wont happen again and it doesnt mean he is gay. Also tell him if he is your friend that what ever the reason he feels like that it doesnt matter to you because he is still your friend. Look at it this way maybe you like motor cycles and he likes trucks it doesnt mean that you have to drive a truck. right. He can drive his truck and you can ride your motorcycle. I am sure you know what I mean.
2006-11-05 07:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by hersheynrey 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you are doing what some friends wouldn't do -- support and ask for additonal help as to how to help him. Go to this website www.pflag.org and see if there is a pflag organization in your city or close to where you live. They will have an abundant amount of information for you.
Such a discovery can be mind boggling and a person may have a lot of situations to work through. For example, do I tell my parents --that in and of itself is anxiety enough -- if the parents are totally cluelss. Do I tell my best friend? Will him/her continue to be my best friend? Your friend undoubtly have a lot of emotions he is going through right now and jumping into a relationship with someone is not the answer.
2006-11-05 07:36:12 · answer #4 · answered by cajun7_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs no help other than to keep quiet at this point in life. School kids can be brutal, and he need not expose himself to this behavior...it can be very dangerous. Assure him that millions and millions (about 30,000,000) in the US alone are gay, that they lead great lives, that they are happy, have no problems in life...let him know he is anything but alone. BUT, council him to wait until he is on his own, away from small minds in his school. He will be fine. Show him this answer...I was there, as so many of us were (and are). We all lived to have a life....and a damned good one, at that. What he gives up now for a few years will be nothing in the total scope of his life. Good luck
2006-11-05 07:07:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be his friend. Like all the rest of your age group he is way too young to be thinking of a serious relationship. This is the time to learn so that you all can have a better life. He won't be alone for the rest of his life. But like everyone else, don't rush it. Just meet people, make friends and life happens.
2006-11-05 07:05:45 · answer #6 · answered by papricka w 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are correct, he will be fine -- and he will not be alone all his life. If he needs simply to talk to an older established couple have him email me if he wants. Jonathan and I have been together for 15 years the 2nd of Jan.
You are a good person for helping.
Good luck.
Kind thoughts,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2006-11-05 08:20:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there. That is the best thing you can do for a friend. He will need to take his own journey and come to terms with who he is. Just be the same friend you have always been.
2006-11-05 07:06:13 · answer #8 · answered by ValleyViolet 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
just BE his friend...and let him know that you are there for him, no matter what. ignore the hateful, nasty bigots (a few of which have made their usual, cruel comments on this page already), they speak from ignorance. you sound like you're a pretty intelligent young person. good for you for being a good friend!
2006-11-05 07:21:25 · answer #9 · answered by redcatt63 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep doing what you have been doing and give him your support. When I was young I kept the fact pretty much hidden. then going into the military it was totally forbidden. Right now he neds you for support.
2006-11-05 07:10:56 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋