I've been married for almost 10 years. My wife called me @ work to tell me just got a call from an old flame. He's in town for a conference and wanted to get together and "hang out". She told me that he dumped her 1 year prior to us getting together.
I asked how he found phone # and she said she didn't know (he's in a different state). During their initial conversation she agreed to lunch and I said that probably wasn't a good idea. I think she has since canceled the lunch meeting indicating that she's too busy (kids/schedule). He has since sent a couple of e-mails (i guess she gave him her e-mail too) giving alternate times. My wife says that she want to meet the old flame to show him what he missed out on. Right now, I'm feeling insecure and confused. Am I reading too much into this? thx.
2006-11-05 05:09:35 · 24 answers · asked by mmm m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have talked to her about the situation. She says that I just wouldn't understand. I countered with "How is this any different than me going to lunch with my ex-wife to show her what she has missed over the last ten years?" My wife has told me that she won't see him now but not sure what the future holds.
2006-11-05 05:27:42 · update #1
Last comment. I have no intentions of meeting any of her past relationships. They are in the past.
2006-11-05 05:29:25 · update #2
First....dont take it out on your wife that this guy from her past contacted her, SHE did not initiate the situation, so she is not at fault. RED FLAG....this guy may be harmless, but he may also have other intentions that only he knows about. I would tell your wife that if this guy wants to "hang out", that it would be wise if she tells this guy (in no uncertain terms) either:
A)She no longer has an interest in "hanging out" with this person
and does not even think about him anymore
B) We can hang out as long as he does not mind her bring YOU along
IF your wife has any interest in seeing this person after 10 years,
it may only be curiosity, and it would be best if you are present should these two "friends" decide to meet and discuss old times.
What ever you do, dont get mad at your wife... she is only human an may have mixed feelings, it is your job to help her sort them out without showing any jealousy or anger. (easier said than done) Good Luck, and dont threaten anyone, it is a waste of energy, time, and does not amount to any good what so ever.
2006-11-05 05:20:34 · answer #1 · answered by John P 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think intentionally contacting someone from the past to re-kindle a "friendship" is inappropriate. Especially if they're married. It's one thing to search out an old friend for help, or guidance (maybe due to thier profession), but too do it for any other reason is asking for trouble. The person doing the contacting may be doing it with respectable intentions, however; it is hurtful to the spouse. One other factor to be considered is how the relationship ended. If it went it's course and the two people broke up, then that's one thing, but if it ended, because they were underage, living with the parents, and the parents moved, then this relationship had no closure...and that's very dangerous. This is something to be taken very seriously. .
2016-05-22 01:15:01 · answer #2 · answered by Victoria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have a serious discussion with your wife and
ask her how she really feels about this guy,,when she told you that"she wants to show him what he missed out on"was a strange thing to say in my opinion! Why is she interested in making an old flame jealous..why does she care too..
Some people are able to be friends with old flames and I see nothing wrong with this..when one has a loving and secure relationship with their spouse there is no reason not to trust them!!!
What your feeling is natural and your not reading too much into this..you have a right to know her true intentions..talk to her about it!1
2006-11-05 05:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with on the luncheon. IF she wants him to see what he missed out on, well, that's YOu too, isn't it? Well, not you, but you know what I mean.
I would just make sure I was there.
Your wife must really feel good about herself, if she thinks by meeting with an old flame who burned her, is going to turn and make him feel what??????????//
Hell yeah, I wouldn't be ffeling all that great about this either.
Sounds like she has more in mind than just a lunch and has deep seeded feelings.
INSIST on you being there. OR tell her all 3 of you can connect with each other at the next school reunion.
2006-11-05 05:19:05 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's normal to feel a bit insecure. Especially since it is he who did the dumping & not her. You fear she may still have unresolved feelings for the guy.
And it is normal for her to be curious & also want to "show" him.
She was right in telling you, and she was right to turn him down after talking with you.
Since this gentleman is persisting, have her tell him that you & she have not had a night out together in awhile & you both would love to meet him somewhere for dinner.
If he has anything on his mind that isn't honorable, HE will find an excuse to decline.
2006-11-05 05:21:31 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe,but what does your wife have to prove,a better Idea is for the two of you to go to a restaurant together away from the house and let her relive the memories,and if he persists on being in her life,then punch his lights out,trust me my wifes(male) friends sometimes make me feel insecure but if I cant trust her alone well then I wouldnt be a great spouse
2006-11-05 05:15:24 · answer #6 · answered by stygianwolfe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't know. i just recently found one of my exes online and he and i have talked a bit and there is NOTHING going on. he is doing well and i am doing well in our lives. but i don't know their history. maybe you could suggest the three of you meeting for lunch or something. that way the guy wouldn't get the wrong idea. BUT you have to be nice and not act like a jealous husband. be kind and courteous.
2006-11-05 05:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by somebody's a mom!! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you are reading too much into this. If it were me, I'd be mad at her attitude about the whole thing. She has no business continuing to communicate with him, much less wanting to meet him for lunch......and "hang out".....just an affair waiting to happen. If she wants to STAY married, she needs to nip this in the bud! Pronto! Good Luck!
2006-11-05 05:20:17 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old flames have a habit of flaring up. I would ask that - if she wants to see him again - that you go as a couple. Take him to dinner or invite him into your home. There is no reason why she has to see him alone, is there? Out of respect for you, she should be aware of your feelings in the matter and take them into consideration.
2006-11-05 05:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
All of your feelings are valid. Trust your wife that nothing will happen. As for me, I cheated on my ex to be with an old flame. I still regret it! (He doesnt know to this day, so that was not the cause of our divorce.)
2006-11-05 05:17:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋