I have worked hard at my marriage for so long but nothing will save it not even a kiss from god almighty!! I have 3 children never planned to be a single mum. Do i need to go and see a solicitor my husband would never oppose to me having custody of the children.
2006-11-05 05:09:04 · 19 answers · asked by jules 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my children are all under 5 so i will be moving back with my parents for a while.
2006-11-05 05:11:44 · update #1
Track of course you can fall out of love with someone do you think i want to be a single mum? HELL NO
2006-11-05 05:14:29 · update #2
oouuuccchhh! Love the way you ask your question, like the straw has just landed on the camel's back and broke it!!!! It's gonna be hard, but it is good that you have your parents home to fall back on as it's hard when you feel really low, fed up, lonely and hurt, with young children and no where to go. What would happen if you asked him to leave? would he? Have you spoke to him about this? silly questions I know, but it's the simple things we forget to do sometimes! From my experience, and to answer your question, no I wouldn't go to solicitor first, I would go to the citizens advice bureau in your area, or go online, they are a real help, it's free and very useful. They let you know your rights, what support can be available to you and put you in touch with any solicitors in your area that offer legal aid, if you need it. It makes my stomach flip reading your problem, I was in exactly the same boat and drowing in it all not so long ago. He jumped ship in the end! we are separated, but haven' t started a divorce yet. It's a bit of a minefield really, and personally I think to start with you both just need to agree time out, both see the problems that have got you to this point, and agree to separate then you'll have time to deal with your emotions first, before doing anything in anger or despair. Believe me, even though you want it and need it to be over and feel sad, lonely, hurt and upset, it doesn't take long to really feel that it's over, and that whilst you gave it your best and it didn't work out, there's still kind of a grieving process to get through, and solicitors really won't help that!!! It's going to be tough, none of us plan on becoming single mums, but you will be ok, just take one step at a time. Try and talk first, you don't have anything to lose. Good luck, if you need girl talk, don't feel alone, mail me. x
2006-11-05 09:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by GalaxyGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been though this and boy, was it difficult. I made some serious mistakes and the divorce (Financial settlement)cost me around 20K!
If it is amicable - sit down with your husband and draw up an agreement on the financial side of things. Make it fair to you both. Both of you sign it and get it witnessed by a neutral party.
You do not need a solicitor - steer clear of them if at all possible - they will turn an amicable split into intergalactic star wars in no time.
Once you and you husband have this signed agreement, take it to the courts who will either rle it as fair and you are done, or alternatively get the 2 of you to amend it so that it is fair to you both.
As for the divorce itself - as opposed to the financial side - you can do it all yourself with no need for a lawyer at any time.
OK, it is a stressful time for anyone but if you get the lawyers involved - watch the fireworks. They are only after your money, not to help you.
Good luck and from experience - the above is true.
2006-11-05 13:25:15 · answer #2 · answered by superman in disguise 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi There,
I've seen your questions here for quite a while now and never answered! I think yes, you are wise to go for divorce and a solicitor is the best answer in your case. I do not know how you have tolerated him or his lover for so long!! But then I guess we all do things out of madness (or do they call it love?).
Either way, if the house is owned I wouldn't move out...I would stay and move myself out of the marital bedroom, not do his washing, not do his cooking and just look after the little ones, they are the important ones out of this mess. If he gets nasty, then make friends with your solicitor, if you get a good one they can be very useful, although if property is owned they are expensive! That comes out of the accomodation when it is sold via the divorce.
If you are not in bought accomodation then I would make an appointment with your local Citizins Advice Bureau and let them guide you-if you move in with your parents, then we all have our own way of doing things and it could become unbearable, plus the council or housing association will not put you on the priority listing if you and the kids have housing in what ever form!
Just want you to know that I think splitting it the best thing for you two, and I am sure, whether you have 3 and 1 on the way, or just 3 you will meet someone who is worthy of you....and if you do it correct it won't be like the **** you leave...
Good Luck
2006-11-05 14:22:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why not "try first". Talk to your husband about what you're feeling. Then suggest that you and the children go visit your parents for a couple of weeks or something.
Think things seriously first. Upon your return, check out counselling groups that may help you and your husband.
When couples are unhappy, if there are children involved, I do recommend a break. The worse thing couples can do for their children is to "stay together for the sake of the kids". The kids are the one's who suffer the most.
But for you, you might want to explore new things, get a nanny for the kids, get out of the house "for you" sometimes. It helps, really. Don't think you can simply run away from responsibilities and be happy. You can't run from them, you're taking them with you.
Email me if you'd like a private conversation through emails. Just click on profile, and send the mail through there. Take care of you, cos no one else will.
2006-11-05 14:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say solicitor so I'm assuming you're in the UK or Canada....If this is true there are many hotlines you can choose from for help. First, finding a womens support group in your area will direct you in the direction you need to take, they'll have lists of organizations and maybe even solicitors that can help you. Second, there are "lawyer hotlines" which you can call and for a small charge (30$ american) they'll talk to you for 30 minutes or so and give you legal advice. good luck.
2006-11-05 13:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know all of your circumstances but i do know about divorce. My ex-husband wanted a divorce and I granted it. I didnt have children so maybe it was an easier consideration. I knew as an adult that I could get over it but can the children? My best advice is that if you feel divorce is best for you and your family then you need to see a lawyer.
2006-11-05 13:43:51 · answer #6 · answered by babykins 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thats right, get divorced. Get an attorney. Have you tried getting professinal marriage help. If you havent then you are destroying those childrens lives without giving it your all. Attorneys make money from divorces and keeping conflict going between you and your husband. They dont care about the kids. There is no money in it for them. As for you. If you dont tryevry avenue to reconcile your marriage then you are the cause for what your children will suffer in the future.
2006-11-05 13:18:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just go and see solicitor and go from there. If your partner is with easy with everything then it'll bbe straight forward sign a few forms and wait 6 -10 months. If he decides to get whatever he can then you'll a fight on hands. Just leave it to the solicitor don't get into arguments with him. It'll just cause more upset for you and the kids.
2006-11-05 13:18:59 · answer #8 · answered by Dre 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Something Specially
For You
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-11-05 13:15:22 · answer #9 · answered by Cobra 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why did u marry him if u didnt love him? You cant fall out of love with someone u truly love.
People need to have more responsiblity, i mean u have 3 children for heavens sake! Being a single mom may be bad for u, but did u think abt them? You got urself into this anyway.
I see so many women marrying bad men, what wrong with u? There are so many good ones.
2006-11-05 13:12:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋