Hi, this is kind of a long story but I hope some of you will read it and respond. I guess I'm just really needing to talk about this more than anything because It's really got me down.
My husband own a business in which he owns expensive equipment. A few years back he made a major purchase ($20,000.00) without talking about it with me first. He bought the item then told me. It made me very angry and I told him never to do it again or I would consider divorce. Ok....here's the thing that's bothering me. Last Sunday on the way to eat, he tells me about a major purchase that he is thinking of making ($50,000). After talking about it, I agreed. I was FINE with it until the insurance guy innocently calls me on Wednesday and told me that my husband called in all the information about the purchase on the FRIDAY before he told me about it! - He actually made the deal on the Friday before he tells me! I love my husband with all my heart but I have a decision to make. Divorce or stay.
2006-11-05 04:29:54 · 8 answers · asked by sugarbud 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I appreciate all of the ansers that I have gotten. But to Mike H.....yes he's making OK living but paying out ALOT to debt. The probelm isn't the way were living...the problem is him lying to me (of leaving out details). When I got angry at him this time, I brought up the 1st episode of spending the $20,000. He has since turned this all around and now is mad at me for some reason. He actually had the nerve to ask me if I told the insurance guy what he did. I said, "Yes of course I did....I told his he knew before I did about the purchase!" After telling him that I told the insurance guy that he proceeded to call me a dumbass and told me I should have smoothed it over and not let the insurance guy know that he did that. I love him with my life...can't imagine life without him...but can't imagine not being respected either. I work and pay 1/2 the household bills and do without some thinge that I want just so he can buy these expensive things for his business.
2006-11-05 05:13:44 · update #1
In my opinion the answer is stay. BUT, you guys need to work this out. I was just counseling a friend of mine the other day about this very issue with his wife. You both need to agree to come ground rules. Example: No purchases over a certain amount without talking to the other. Then you both need to agree upon the consequence of violating that. (And it has to go both ways. It can't just be for him.) Each of you decide what is an appropriate consequence for yourself. Most likely, this is a trait in his life that isn't going to change easily. It will take constant work.
2006-11-05 04:35:57 · answer #1 · answered by mrebholz72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of thing sucks, but it is NOT a reason to get a divorce. I think your husband needs to understand that his actions are wrong and that being married and owners of a business takes teamwork. If my husband arbitrarily went out and bought something major - even spent $200 without discussing it with me first, I would have a problem with it. Set up some sort of agreement with a value placed on it. A friend of mine and his wife have the agreement that anything over $100 has to be discussed... but you would make it a figure that would suit you both.
It really boils down to respect. Mutual Respect. It MUST work both ways.
Because you are so quick to speak of divorce, I am under the impression that there is a lot more to this story. I would strongly suggest that you get some sort of guidance/counselling.
What he did was wrong... but divorcing him over it would be wrong too..... Just my humble opinion.
2006-11-05 12:36:00 · answer #2 · answered by MALicious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sugarbud!
Glad you wrote about this!!!!!!
I have gone through the same as you for YEARS!!!!!!! YEP!
My EX bought property in another state and didn't tell me! He had gone one weekend with a friend to supposedly "see" the property.
One of my friends said to me, "Do you think he's gonna travel ALL that way just to SEE some property?????
I didn't want to acknowledge it!
Turned out he had ripped a check out of our checkbook and put a downpayment, & he DIDN"T tell me!!!!!!!! A month later I saw the cancelled check with my OWN eyes and told him, and he denied any wrongdoing!!!!!!!!!!
(That's some guys for you!!!!!!!)
Years before he bought lots of expensive things and HID them at a relative's, and one would let it slip in a conversation!I always found out!
INCLUDING a youg girl HE SAID WAS a COUSIN!!!!!! Know where THAT went!!!!!
Anyway, my EX continued to make purchases over my head, and we got into debt!!!!!!!
Needless to say, that's why he's NOW my EX!!!
Living like this was TOO stressful!!!!!!!!
esp. with KIDS involved, as well!
From what you said, it is gonna be a tough decision for you....................... Sorry you have to go through with what to do!!!!!
This is the scary part, and sure it comes to your mind, if your Husband is making these pruchases without asking you first can only MAKE you WONDER WHAT the H _ _ _ ELSE he's spending and WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think it all over very well, ok?
Talk to him also, then see how you feel!
You WILL KNOW after!
Sincerely! Been there!
2006-11-05 12:51:49 · answer #3 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what Michael R wrote 100% but also if you threaten to leave you had better be ready to follow up on it. You've said it once and nothing happened so now you have yourself backed into a corner. Your first problem is to take care of the idle threats and then work on your joint resolution to this situation. You have to talk this through and come up with a workable plan you can both accept.
Good Luck!
2006-11-05 21:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by Braveheart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be a mistake to divorce over this, but somehow, you've got to make him see that he has damaged your marriage. When you lose trust in a marriage, and that is what has happened now, it's never the same again. I would stay, but I would make him see the seriousness of deceit......in ways that he can understand. It can get mighty COLD this time of year.
2006-11-05 12:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you do honey and guess what? You've let your feelings be known and still - no changes. I hope the best for you. Take care and write me if you need to talk.
2006-11-05 12:46:40 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his business is successful and you are living comfortable because of his business and if he is not just blowing money away on useless things, if these purchases are helping his business grow and be a success then you should stay.
He could be buying hookers, drugs, getting plastered with alcohol and buying all kinds of useless junk, you should count your blessings and stop thinking of only of yourself, no offense.
2006-11-05 13:01:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mike H 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Separate and tell him he cannot stick to his promises. Tell him you warned him what would happen and it's not your fault he didn't pay attention. If he wants this marriage to work out then he's got his work cut out for him.
2006-11-05 12:38:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋