is it something to worry about when a man watches porn behind your back and is secretive?

Question

i have been with my fiance for 5 years and he has never been into porn. however lately he has been really distant from me and he doesn't even sleep in bed with me. this all started after we had our child about 6 months ago and i just found out recently that he has been watching porn while i'm sleeping with our daughter. is this a sign of cheating? any ideas why he would do this because he says he doesn't know why. should i worry about cheating since he has already lied to begin with?

Answer 1

at some point something happened,,it may have been because of the baby,,not in a bad way but some men do go off on a tangent after the birth,,,saying he doesnt know why and doing it anyway may just be him thinking it is better to hide the real reason than hurt you with it,,,you have to tell him it is the not knowing why that really hurts,,the porn isnt really a problem but it is something involving his reasoning. get him to see he can and for the sake of your relationship just spit it out,,dont keep it bottled up and put your mind at rest,,if you and he are not sleeping together it will start to cause communication problems within the marriage and he at least needs to come to bed,,it is important for the sake of the emotional connection you have,,it will start to suffer as not considering how it effects you and him will become a habit and it will effect your usual routines,,the way you talk to each other,,the way you just interact with each other,,the way we think of 'we' instead of 'i'. if this does go on without him saying anything to you ,,you may just start to feel 'whats the point,,i feel single anyway' and the end result wont be any different than it is now.

Answer 2

It's only a problem if it goes on for too long. It sounds like he's finding an "outlet" for his sexual frustration. You should ditch the "family bed" idea soon. It's better for the child to learn to sleep in their own crib/bassinet anyway. Fewer "separation" issues later in life. Once you get the baby out of your bed, you may find your husband back there with you.

Update: If his only "lying" was about the porn, that just means he's ashamed to admit it to you. Don't assume he's cheating just because he looks at porn on the internet. He probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But it's hard to imagine that you are meeting his needs sexually if you've got a baby in your bed instead of your husband.

Answer 3

Why at 6 months old is your daughter sleeping in your room?? Its way past the time that she should be in her own bed, preferably in another room. Your husband is uncomfortable having the child in his bed and he should be. Maybe if you give him the attention he's craving he'll stop looking at porn and start sleeping in your bed again. I would imagine that he may cheat if you don't show him that you love him. Your bedroom is for you and your husband not your child. If you like having time to be close with your child talk to your husband and come up with a time that's comfortable for both of you. He is feeling neglected.

Answer 4

Guys are going to look at porn not that it is ok but they are unless they are totally against it. Looking at porn has nothing to do with cheating. Him looking at porn has nothing to do with you either so do not blame yourself. Guys are visual creatures and they enjoy looking at all different women. If you do not feel comfortable with him watching it then I suggest you have a talk with him and tell him that it bothers you that the smut is in your home. He may not listen because he may be way to far into it. I suggest you tell him it is either porn or me and your child and really mean it. You might want to try to see for yourself what it is like and try watching it with your husband as well. Whatever you choose is your choice.

Answer 5

He is a man. Men do that. I really don't think that he is cheating but he needs an outlet. They are all like that. Everyone has a private side. I have been with alot of men and every one of them has watched porn, jakd off to it. It will be OK as long as everything else between you is OK. Life with a man is hard but try to be understanding.

Answer 6

he might not be cheating,,, but he just likes the porn,, lots of guys like porn as a fantasy,,, but keep both eyes open since you said he lied before and he could want to experience some of those fantasies,,,,,, what type of porn is he watching? maybe he's gay or something,,,or maybe he has a kinky side that he has not told u about,,,watching porn, to some people, it's ok,, but if you dont feel ok about him watching it, tell him, if he doesnt agree on it, then start asking yourself what you're going to do about your relationship,, to some people porn could even be adictive,,,,or maybe its just a "phase" hes going through and will get bored soon,,, good luck

Answer 7

It is a clear sign that you are no longer sexually attractive to your mate and that barring a breast implant, the best days of your married life in terms of sexual intimacy are over.

Porn is the outlet guys use when their lover no longer satisfies their fantasy, which of course was to get into bed the first time. Once the conquest is over- so is the romance. Having children in your life is the single greatest causative agent leading to the decline a man's libido

Answer 8

it could be he is having self confidence issues. watching porn is a harmless way for many men to "take care of their needs" without having to experience any embarassment. that's probably why he is being secretive. if you want to ask him about it, be sensitive.

Answer 9

no it is a sign your sleeping with your daughter and not your man and he isnt getting any sex, yes it is a warning the pronlem is you

sex once a day will fix it

Answer 10

It means he's afraid of having sex with you in fear of getting you pregnant again. I don't know if he will cheat or not.