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My husband and I divorced within the past year. We now live in different states. I have primary custody of our 14-year-old son. He now tells me he wants to go live with his father - the main reason being that he misses his chums and his relatives (on my husbands side - all of my relatives live 3,000 miles away). I can understand why my son would get lonely, but I hate very much to have him leave. I also feel that my ex is too lenient on my son, not oferring enough advice and direction. What would you do in this situation?

2006-11-05 03:18:00 · 10 answers · asked by 13th Floor 6 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Some additional information: My husband was the one who requested the divorce stating that "he just felt like being single". I once found a VIP card to a nude club with his signature on it, despite the fact that I was a good wife, and kept myself fit and attractive for him. This of course (at least to me) casts aspersions on his character.

2006-11-05 04:30:03 · update #1

10 answers

tough situation. sound like the father is not "ideal", but then all we get is your opinion of him. The main this I would suggest you be careful of is not forcing you son into resenting you. At some point, maybe the too lenient father is a better choice than the potential rebellion of him hating you.
I truly feel for you and wish you the best.

2006-11-05 03:26:07 · answer #1 · answered by cwxmas 3 · 0 0

I am going through a similar situationexcept that my x-husband only lives 45 minutes away. I have recently allowed my son to move into his fathers, but after a month now my son wants to come home. I think I instilled enough sense into my son in the 13 1/2 years he lived with me that he made the right choices. The first one being to venture out and see if the grass was greener on the other side. The second was to come home. Trust yourself and all that you have taught your son. Trust that he will make the right choice. A wise man once told me that all boys from split homes feel this way around this age. Don't take it personally. Let your son explore his options, he will make the right choice. Remember in a few years he will be making all his decisions himself. Give him the chance to make a big decision, regardless of the outcome while you are still close enough to catch him when he falls. This is a very important life test for him & for you. Trust yourself, trust your son, and trust a higher power.
Good Luck!

2006-11-05 03:30:40 · answer #2 · answered by Feeling Froggy 3 · 0 0

Not the best of situations, especially if your son convinces your ex of such. Your ex could petition the court for a child custody remodification hearing in which he could ask the judge to let your son decide who he wants to live with. Your son is old enough for this to happen. You may want to work out something without the courts involvement for like a trial run, letting him stay the summer and see what happens. No matter what if you go this way, put everything in detail on paper just in case this goes to court. I know letting go of your son isnt easy but then if the courts get involved itll happen anyway, also youre son is getting closer to the age he may leave home. Just make sure you get your visitation rights in this too. Good luck

2006-11-05 04:14:21 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0 0

I might try a trial visit with the ex after having set down some ground rules on how you think things should be dealt with (discipline, etc). 14 is a difficult age to deal with and so is the topic of divorce. Is there any possible way for you and your ex to possibley get counseling via satellite/phone/internet hook-up together to be on the same page.? After all, you created this child together and coparenting him should be your main priority. How does your ex feel about your son wanting to live with him? These are all things to consider before making a drastic move. I wish you the best and I will say a prayer for you. Maybe you should taalk to a counselor. I, myself left my marriage but my children stayed with their father for a variety of reasons. I do feel for you because you are trying to be both Mom and Dad and raising him as a single parent. You must be so strong. You must also consider your son's feelings though. Young men need their fathers in their lives. Good Luck. Liss

2006-11-05 03:28:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I think you should let him move to live with his father unless you want to move back too. No matter what the reason was for getting divorced, your son did not have a choice. A divorce is hard on any teenager, but when you remove him from the family and his friends, you make it even harder on him to cope with it. Best of luck to you both

2006-11-05 03:24:03 · answer #5 · answered by Eileen 3 · 0 0

There is not a whole lot you can do. Your son is of the age where he can choose where he lives. You may want to talk to your ex about more visitation (longer summer visits and holiday visits) to see if that satisfies your son. The only other option I see is for you to try to find employment closer to where your ex lives and move your life there. There is no easy answer here. Good luck!

2006-11-05 03:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by 75160 4 · 0 0

Let him go, maybe its just a case of the grass is greener on the other side.
My Mom did this with me when I was 13, I was back home w/Mom and stepdad at 14 and a much better relationship with mom than before as well.
Sometimes they just have to see for themselves, its really nothing personal or bad against you as a parent or the life you have created with your son.
Take a deep breath and let him go.
Besides, boys do really need there fathers too, and he is 14, an important time in his life and in need of Dad's input on this time in his life. Remember, being a parent is all about do what best for our children, regardless of how it makes us feel.
Good Luck, and don't forget to BREATH!

2006-11-05 08:27:30 · answer #7 · answered by meggamom6 1 · 0 0

I would NEVER let my son go live with my ex, but my ex is a loser father who is irresponsible. He is 36 years old and still lives with his parents. Now, if he was responsible and my son wanted to go live with him at that age, I would seriously sit down and talk to my son, then my ex separately, then them together and see where the conversation ended up. I know this has to be hard for you and I am sorry for your pain.

2006-11-05 03:28:54 · answer #8 · answered by Corona 5 · 0 1

I had to let my son go with his father .He asked me to let him go and i did. My ex was always the disciplinarian is our house and i knew my son would never listen to me so it worked out for us.

2006-11-05 03:22:54 · answer #9 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0 0

first of all umust try to shift to ur husbands state.then try to finish ur differences. then rly me is it ok.

2006-11-05 03:24:04 · answer #10 · answered by sweety 1 · 0 0

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