My boyfriend and I have been in serious talks of engagement and marriage for probably 6 months now. Now that I'm 5 weeks from graduating from college, we've been talking a bit more about it. My problem is that I don't want to pressure him too much, so I try not to bring things up too often. He has been sidestepping my questions about when we will get engaged (right after I graduate or if we will wait months/a year, etc). He also keeps maintaining that he doesn't want to get me a "crappy ring" so I'm assuming he's saving his money as he mentioned his belief that "rings should cost 2-3 months of a man's salary." We've been casually looking at rings together in a magazine or two, talking about what we like and don't like. So here is my question to you... I found a picture of an AMAZING ring today that is exactly the type of design I'm interested in. Would it be helpful to email him the picture, or will that just be an annoyance? All you men out there? What's a lady to do? :)
2006-11-05 03:08:34 · 15 answers · asked by xenomorph_girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To those mentioning "dumping." You should realize you don't know me or my history. We have been together for a long long time and are both certain about getting married- please don't judge a couple you don't even know.
2006-11-05 03:12:41 · update #1
Just wanted to say thanks for all the great advice so far, and also to let everyone know that I DO feel that marriage is WAY more important than a material thing- he could get me a plastic ring if he wanted... it doesn't matter to me... it's just that I know the level of what he's looking at, and the fact that he's a very traditional guy... I am just trying to make sure he doesn't stress too much, hence wondering if I should give him ideas. Once again.. thanks so far for everyone's input! :)
2006-11-05 03:55:52 · update #2
What is the rush? If he is hesitant to talk about it or “side-stepping” the idea at the moment, why push it? If he was really read to commit right now, he would approach you on it. You know how men are, when they really want something they manage to get to work on it all by themselves
2006-11-05 03:16:39 · answer #1 · answered by 75160 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This is a good question and I appreciate that you are consciences about the situation and not just about what it is YOU want... Good for you!
Anyway...
It kind of depends on the two of you.
Reasons to let him choose the ring:
1. If he is the kind of guy who puts a lot of thought in how he expresses his affection for you. Then the ring will be from HIM to YOU and not just a pretty ring in a magazine.
2. If there is really a question about how much he can afford. The two month rule is an OUTRAGEOUS rule literally MADE UP by the De Beers diamond company... and gee, what do you suppose their motivation was? This man is pledging his life to you, the MARRIAGE is the real gem, don't make it about the rock.
Reasons to let you pick it out:
1. He really doesn't care how the decision is made and wants you to have what you want.
2. You are one of those women who will be miserable and thus make his life miserable because you didn't get exactly what YOU wanted.
3. He asks for your input. There is no harm in sending an e-mail, but I would include others of the same type so you are suggesting a style you like, Include the one you like last with a note stating that you thought it was exceptionally pretty.
And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... if you don't get THAT ONE, get over it! This is his gift to you not an accessory. Make your gift to him love and appreciation for committing himself to you.
2006-11-05 11:28:12 · answer #2 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you've talked about rings enough to know how much he wants to spend. You can talk to him about the style you'd like.
Don't do it in an email. Approach the subject in person, that way you can gauge whether or not you're going to be misunderstood.
He wants you to like the ring. You do NOT want him to think that the choice of ring is more important than your choice of husband.
Ask yourself this: If he gave you a plastic ring, would it matter enough to you that you'd refuse the offer of engagement? If the answer is "yes", then you'd both be better off calling the marriage off.
2006-11-05 11:19:12 · answer #3 · answered by open4one 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are both openly looking at rings, the next time you are looking through magazines and such, show him the picture. If you dont have it handy, ask him if you can email it to him. Do this only when you are specifically looking at rings. Look through a bunch of magazines/catlogues and casually say with excitement..."hey you know I saw this nice ring that I thought looked nice. You want me to email it to you?" If he says Yes, then do it. Then continue looking through the mags and still show some interests. Chances are, he will be open to your idea because he is openly committing to getting a ring.
My wife and I went shopping at stores together for her ring. We both actively looked and often email each other pictures of the ones we liked. We bought the one we both agreed on.
2006-11-05 11:17:03 · answer #4 · answered by Clock Watcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's not way beyond his means (fits in the budget y'all have maybe talked about) send it. My wife-to-be went shopping with me when we picked out the engagement ring. You're hoping to wear it for 50+ years, right? Trust me, most of us guys like to have a clear idea of what you ladies want.
2006-11-05 11:30:36 · answer #5 · answered by tex37curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a man but I'll tell u what I'd do, e-mail him the pic but put "hint hint lol" or something light hearted in the msg, that way he knows what ring you like but you can brush off any thoughts of annoyance with the fact that it was a fun jokey msg.
2006-11-05 11:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by Rhapsody 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you've been talking about rings and casually looking at rings, then he will most likely appreciate the picture. I know I would.
2006-11-05 11:13:13 · answer #7 · answered by chwdog33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just wait till you finsih school and go with him to pick one out. Yeah emailing kind of makes it seem like "pressure from beyond"
hey go easy on his wallet too. Better to save the money for later ten spend it all now on a ring... You can always upgrade ater...don't start out in debt.
2006-11-05 11:13:14 · answer #8 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't do it. Its rude. He will either pick out a ring for you, or the two of you will go together to get one. Although I strongly suspect he is going to dump you after graduation, so don't get your hopes up to high.
2006-11-05 11:11:07 · answer #9 · answered by Trip S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's up to him to pick out your ring, If he wants you to help, He'll ask. Don't email him a picture of it, that would just be wrong.
2006-11-05 11:23:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely let him know what kind of ring you would like.....
You are the one that is going to wear it forever .....and you just want to make sure it is not some ungodly ugly thing ....
He will appreciate you imput
2006-11-05 11:11:16 · answer #11 · answered by Dave S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋