Nights are so lonely, and the days are so dull
Even with this blanket on, I still feel the cold
What is one to do when they have no one to call their own? someone they can hold
Share their feelings with and forever grow old
This is what I desire, this is what I hope for
My heart is ready with the love that i am about to pour
If only I was in the right place, the right time, the right floor
Why must I wait, while others explore?
Never knowing what love is like before
Doing all the things I do, always seems to be ignored
I wish I could have one that will love me forever
Trust me, be there for me, and so much more
I write this poem, as it comes from the heart
My feelings pour out right from the start
The questions is why is it taking so long?
why does my feelings have to suffer when i listen to love songs?
How come what i do always seems to be wrong?
Nothing ever works, nothing even belongs
Why does my life have to be this way
Sometimes i give up hope sometimes I pray
2006-11-05 02:33:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Nothing ever seems to work
Maybe this is truly my destiny, fate
No need to be sympathetic
Because, truth is, I'm nothing but a hopeless romantic.
2006-11-05 02:33:14 · update #1
By Curious/anonymous
2006-11-05 02:33:50 · update #2
Your meter is way off. You need to titen up your thoughts and make them flow better. And, try not to dewll on the subject in a semi circular pattern of thought. I won't give you a number as thattell you enough about how your poem rates I will just say it need work.
2006-11-05 02:51:59 · answer #1 · answered by LORD Z 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect, on a 1-10 scale, it would be situated around 3.
You need to use your figurative skills more, to accentuate the metaphorical side of your poem. If you're talking about night, don't say 'night'. If you want to say that you feel cold or numb, you don't have to say 'I'm cold and numb'. Feelings have to come out of your expressions and words.
If you directly say 'I'm cold' it's like you keep everything on the surface, while when your words are hidden in meanings and meanings emanate from an inner source, it's like seeing and feeling the air pass through a thin surface of fog. It goes smoothly, elegantly, it doesn't hit you directly.
Okay, maybe what I just said sounds pretty messed up, but I would have expressed myself better if I would have been English. I've been writing for a pretty long time and I'm a published author even though I'm still young, so I know what I'm talking about.
2006-11-05 02:47:51 · answer #2 · answered by Cheshire Riddle 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
9/10
2006-11-05 03:28:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tar Heel 4 Life 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4/10
2006-11-05 02:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
0/10
2006-11-05 02:37:00 · answer #5 · answered by blah blah 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
be positive 6/10
2006-11-05 04:08:20 · answer #6 · answered by johan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
-3/10
2006-11-05 02:36:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I enjoyed that,I would give you 8/10.
2006-11-05 14:02:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I really enjoyed that poem. Brought a little tears to eyes when i read it . I mostly like it because i think everyone feels that way why can't find that special person, and you seem to capture all the emotion with your poem. It's a very sweet poem, kudos to you.
2006-11-05 02:38:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Yes it's good and you are a great writer
2006-11-05 13:58:31 · answer #10 · answered by ▒Яenée▒ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋