I have been married for 20+ years. I am involved in a relationship with a married woman that I work with.?

Question

We love eachother very much. The relationship is not based on sex and have been involved for 18 months. If both of us were happy with our marriages, we would not have strayed. My wife is a beautiful woman but is not strong emotionally and has come to depend on me for everyting. But with the other lady, her personality and mental strength are her assets. She is beautiful, funny, and loving. We finish eachothers sentences. She cares more about everyone else then for herself. When we are together, nothing else seems to matter. When we are apart, I am empty. When I am away fromher, I do nothing but think of her. She will tell me that there is no gaurentee with us. What do I do? I know that patients is a virtue and I am tired of lying to my wife.

Answer 1

This is why the divorce rate is so high in the U.S....This is the cause of about 80% of divorces. I don't think its a fair statement to have a lover out of the marriage then notice the problems at home. Now can you remember when you was dating your current wife it was like never ending love just like now. The same thing as your feeling right now. The relationship your in now with your coworker is new love and no way can after your 20 year love of your wife match what new love feels like. The facts are after 5 years of new love is going to turn to old love and right back where you are now. So you need to take a strong look at what you really have at home and what changes can be made. Your love life at home could turn to be better than ever with a little effort from you both. Or you could just toss out your 20 of life and half or more of what you have both worked so hard for. Little alone wreck your entire family.

How could anyone make a proper judgment call when they have an outside lover. This is simply not fair for grounds of divorce.

Answer 2

How selfish of you, if your wife is dependent upon you and you have been married for 20years, this is what the two have made of this marriage. And you are being very selfish in your behaviors. You should figure out what you want, give your wife an divorce, however, I doubt you are going to end up with the other women, sounds as though she is not so unhappy that she wants to leave her marriage. Sounds as though the two of you have gotten complacent in your marriages and instead of being mature and rekindling your marriage, you have decided to go outside where the excitement was new and less work. How very sad. I hope that you really put some soul searching into this. I would not feel so sure of yourself, when you say your wife does not know. She probably knows, she just has not said anything. God forgive you, I really don't think you know what you have done. Sounds like you may end up old and alone. Good luck to you and God bless

Answer 3

if she will tell you there is no gaurentee for the two of you, take a hint. would she do the same behind your back? the lady that has been with you for 20 years deserves a metal, even though she is emotionally weak. she must mean an awfully lot to you, or you would not be with her. she is beautiful and think of all the wonderful qualities she had when you were seeing her and thinking of making her your wife. if you go thru a divorce or she dies, it is going to hurt you more than you realize. it is fun to have a special friend, but, leave it that way, or you will realize the pain and suffering of a divorced person.

Answer 4

Get divorced, give 60% of everything you own to your wife, plus a nice big alimony check every month. Forget about family, your a cheater and will be treated as such. Forget about mutual friends, your a cheater and should be treated as such. Once you are finished with the legal proceedings then you can cry about the relationship you no longer have with both women. Because she is just playing you too! The same as you are doing to your wife. She will never leave her husband and then you can be in the solitude that almost all cheaters experience. Always regretting the decisions you have made. Mean while your ex can find a boyfriend that will please her as she smiles at the monthly check she gets from you. Yeah, do her a favor, leave!

Answer 5

Just because you get along so well at work does not mean you will get along that well in real life...real life has a tendency to bring out the good and bad in all of us. Maybe you are putting her up on a pedestal and your wife simply cannot compete with that. Think before you do anything.
You mentioned about your situation but what about her marriage? Is her marriage happy? You may just be whistling into the wind on this one..besides, it is very common for co-workers to be attracted to one another and then start to have feelings for one another...you are together for 8 or so hours a day and you see them at their best all dressed up..you do not see them in the morning with bedhead and bad breath...
At the very least you need to talk to your wife about seeking counseling for you both. Tell her that in order to find the spark you once had that you need some help. Work on your relationship first and let the rest of it go.

Answer 6

I haven't been married for 20 years but I would hope that just because we've been married for two decades wouldn't make us feel we have the right to say I'm unhappy now and now I cheat, it's ok because I've put in my time. The woman your with told you there is no guarantee with you two, obviously she doesn't feel about you the same way you do towards her. You are going to be one of those guys that go to his wife, tell all, go to your mistress tell her you've ended with your wife, and she is going to kick you to the curb because this 18 month long affair was working out for her just fine, and she didn't really want to end it with her husband, then you will be alone. This mistress of yours is strong??? She's about as strong as you, which isn't saying much. The one with the strength my dear is the one who is faithfully waiting for you to come home every day, the one who has stood beside you every damn day for the last 20 years, the one who has been through hell and back with you. The one who knows her husband so well, that she has to know or have an idea that you are having an affair, but waits, waits and hopes that you will come to your senses and not pursue this other relationship. Get off your midlife crisis and make it work with your wife.

Answer 7

As i see it you have the best of both worlds how can you loose? right you have your wife and you have the woman you love.But was does your wife have? She is clueless and that is not fair a divorce really is hard but on the other hand you are robbing her of a life and a good man who will love her again.How can you do this to her? She needs to know the truth so she can go through the hard times and then pick up the pieces and move on and find love, we dint get younger we only get older and to live alone is a very unhappy place to be i know I'm 36 and have been single for 2 years.But give her that chance to love again you found it let heat find it.

Answer 8

Well, to start I believe you need to start looking into finding another place to live. And then have a serious talk with your wife and tell her your not happy anymore and your moving out and putting in for a divorce. Or another way would be pack your stuff and leave her a letter letting her know that its over. Because it is and you shouldn't be holding on to something that isn't there anymore, Its also not fair for her. That way you'll be a free man and wouldn't have to be hiding anymore. It looks to me that you've fallen in love and it just might be your soul mate. And that will show this women that you've made the first move. Because you staying with your wife probably has her thinking your never gonna leave your wife for her. Then maybe she'll make the move and leave her relationship. I wish you luck.

Answer 9

OK let me think what marriage vows are again.

Through sickness and health, through good times and bad times.
Stuff it i can`t remember but as far as i know you made a promise to be with your wife be you were happy or not, and try and make it happy if it is not a happy marriage, and not going looking else where. We all have problems, in marriage you fix your problems not going looking somewhere else, otherwise their would be no point to marriage we all might as well stay boyfriend and girlfriend, i bet if you leave your wife and move with this new women sooner or later you going to find problems with her too, are you going to move on again????? Thing is that if you leave your wife you will lose 20 years of memory's!!!!!! But here is a bit of stats, most extramarital affairs end in separation. But hey since you already cheated on your wife all i can say is that you don`t deserve her , so maybe you should move on.

Answer 10

you declare you love for this woman but surely leave your poor wife at home while you go off with this her,,basically,,you are a coward,,you had and indeed have the option to sit down your wife,,say you think the marriage is in trouble and explain exactly what you want from life,,you havent done this,,does your wife even suspect this affair? you are in love with this woman and you put yourself in that position,,there and then you had a chance to say,,"im married", you could have thought of your wife and decided to talk with her about how you feel but i doubt you said a word,,so your wife thinks she is secure in her marriage of 20 years,,how terrible for you,,she feels settled with her husband because she would assume ,,as a man,,you would have the balls to say you are unhappy,,she is a monster,isnt she. so this woman,who is nothing like your wife makes you feel good about yourself does she,,have you thought that it is because she isnt you wife that is the buzz,,will she wash your pants,,will she love and care for you if you are ill? will she do as wife should and be a wife or will she run off with someone a little more exciting,,would she give you 20 years of her life too? this stinks and so do you and your cowardice,,sort you wife,,she deserves the truth,you are not a free man to date as you like,,you said 'i do',,well you did,,didnt you,until the novelty wore off and she got a bit boring,,maybe if you did all these thing with your wife she wouldnt be so dependant,,maybe she would be more fun,,you give her no respect and she will be devestated by this bombshell and if you are a man you cant avoid telling her,time to see the damage you have caused.