i cant lose my hubby !?

Question

i get extremely jealous over my husband's x.I start comparing myself with her + i hear many nice things bout her.I felt i could never be better than her.I know thats the past,they've broke up and he told me shes already a dead body to him.I tried to not think about it,its very foolish and hurting myself for no reason.I cried earlier after my husband told me some things bout her n he is sick of my attitude and told me to forget him.That it would be best for me.I love him more than my life.everytime i hear him talking bout her i wish it didnt happened between them n with me instead.I feel very sorry for making so much trouble for him.How should i start accepting she was a nice person n no point thinking so much nonsense.I would do anything to change myself.
he wants to break this relationship cause of my trust issue now. i cant do it . i want this relationship with him . i trust him just sometimes i say things which i dont mean but i really do trust him . please help me .

i have told him i am very sorry for what i have said and done . I want to change and make this relationship better with him . i am so lost , please let me know what i should i do . i am feeling so weak that he doesnt want to go with me with this relationship.

thank you so much everyone , i wouldnt know what to do without your advices . all the best in everything you do . i cant thank you all enough .

Answer 1

Is he with u? If he is, just have sex with him. Don't think I am bad. It is just that, it is the only to make ur hubby come back to u.

Answer 2

Are you kidding me!
You are the one creating the Drama And Pain for your husband by constantly bringing this up!
I agree with your husband. Either grow up and be a woman, or you aren't ready to be married... AND THATS OK!
You do need to be independent and confident before getting married. You need to bring a healthy self to a marriage, otherwise, it can't be a healthy marriage.
A lot of girls get married because its "grown up" and "romantic" but are not mature enough for the true commitment, which is the real part of marriage.
It's ok to admit that you aren't ready.
Now, if you really want to keep him, never, EVER speak that you are jealous!
Never, EVER speak negatively about the ex, or your ex's relationship with her.
Act like you are ok with it and you will, over time, become ok with it.
Don't add any more stress to your husbands day. He married you, he wants to come home to you! Help him to want to come home to you! Make the home a safe, inviting place.
Put together a nice dinner of your husbands favorite foods and dress in a sexy outfit. Tell him 3 things about him that you appriciate. Own what you've done. Confess that you have been behaving badly and immaturely. Finish up by saying that you love him, you thank him for forgiving you and ask him to make love to you. Make it great for him!
Finally, if you are jealous of her, maybe you need to focus on being a better person to earn your husbands lifetime committment. Every day, work on being a good person.
Good luck, trust me...This will work if you stick with it!

Answer 3

The most important thing for you to remember is that no matter what nice things he says about her to you or to other people, no matter how amazing a person she may seem to be, for some reason their relationship ended and you married him because you have something that she didn't have. I broke off an engagement a few months before the wedding because of various negative reasons. Then I remained single for almost two years, before another woman came along. She is wonderful for me and has so many qualities my ex never had, but she also lacks qualities that my ex had. However, I wouldn't ever go back to my ex because that relationship ended for a reason. Go to YOUR husband and let him know how much you care about him. You don't even need to talk about the other woman with him, since it is apparently a touchy subject. And if he talks about her sometimes, because it happens, as childish as it my seem smile and nod and just remind yourself "mine", because he is yours. If that's something you're not willing to give up take him and make your own memories so that over time you two will be talking about the memories you've been making over the years.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

How old are you? From the sound of things maybe you should have waited to get married. I realize you love him and if you do then you must have absolute trust. No ifs, ands, or buts. Trust is the most important thing in a marraige and without it its just a piece of paper. Go to couseling with him is best but without him will work too. You need to figure out why your so down on yourself. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't have married you. Right?

Answer 6

I went through this with my boyfriend when we first got together. I was always worried that he loved his ex more than me. At first it made me feel like i was crazy...why am i so jealous of her?? But looking back on it, there were a few reasons.. He kept pictures of her around for a long time. I asked him to just put them away so i couldn't see them, and he wouldn't. He also used to compare me, and say things like "My other girlfriend was never like this.." That is why i had those jealous feelings. I finally just sat down and talked to him about it, and told him exactly how i felt about it, and that i sometimes felt like he loved her more than me. After we talked about it, the pictures disappeard and he stopped talking about her so much. Have you told him exactly how you feel about it? If he really loves you, he'll understand and to not bring her up anymore.

Answer 7

Sweetie,

Just remember, if all were "peaches and cream" with your hubby and his ex, then they would still be together. Let him know your true fear... that you feel unable to compete with his memories of her. This is something a lot of women have to deal with when the other spouse dies.

Your problems stem from your own feelings of inadequcy and self worth. The only person who can change that is you. What are you not doing that you did when you and hubby were dating? What are the positive attributes your hubby indicates the ex had? Perhaps it is his way of trying to gently point out ways that you could use a little brush up on, but it is back firing as usually happens when we don't feel we can come right out and say something to our partner.

You have to work at a relationship. There has to be open communication. You have to look hard and honestly at yourself. This is a difficult thing to do, but be brutally honest. If you can't be honest with yourself, then you can't be honest with anyone. We all tend to get comfortable in our relationships and start to take for granted the little things.

If you want him, then work for it. When he does little things for you, let him know that you notice and that it means a lot. Flirt with him occasionally. Just because you are married does not mean that you can't flirt.

Tell him you know you have acted like a harpy and that it is your own insecurities. Let him know how wonderful you think he is. Men need to hear it too you know. Let him know that it is not him that you don't trust, that your faith in him is steadfast.

I know what a merry go round it is that you are on. You are letting your feelings of inferiority eat you from the inside out and it makes you suspicious and nagging. You need to start working on your own issues. What are the specific areas that you feel you are lacking? Well??? Then do something about it. Even if this marriage does not work in the end, you still need to find yourself esteem, your self-respect. You need to know who you are.

Men don't think like women. As a rule, we react from emotion, they tend toward logic. Not to say they don't have emotions, but they have been trained from a young age that men don't cry. They feel they have to fix things, and with a woman things don't always have to be fixed, just commisurated with. They feel they are a failure if they cannot fix what is wrong. Then it starts to eat at them.

You are not his ex. You will never be his ex. And you have certain qualities that she will never have. Negative begets negative. Start applying some positive tactics.
I wish you good luck with your endeavor.

Answer 8

Counseling. Hon, you need to find someone that knows the answers and knows how to communicate them.

You are just fine as a person and as a wife, but something inside is wrongly telling you different, and you need to get a handle on it. The answers aren't out here on the net (although there is a ton of support), the answers are in your heart, and you need some help in bringing them out.

Please find a counselor, and soon. You do not deserve what you are putting yourself through. God bless you!

Answer 9

it isn't about her, we all have had a past before we met our mates, we all were involved with someone else, but he chose u not her, so stop it, and get some therapy so u will feel better about u. it is a self worth problem, u don't love yourself. never be jelous of others, u are not competing with her, it is all caused by the thoughts u are thinking. it is no longer about her. don't contaminate your marriage with these thoughts.

Answer 10

listen to your self. I'm sorry, but i cant say that i blame him one bit. its like you don't have a mind or body of your own. and you love him more than your life?? you sound pathetic. men want a women that is strong and confident with who they are. and im sorry but you are none of that. i think he is right forget about him. and not because it will be better for you but, for him. some times saying you are sorry is not enough. it sounds like this has been going on for some time.and yes he has had enough. if you want to keep him so bad, start by standing on your own two feet, and not walking in his shadow as if your life depended on it. that's a start.

Answer 11

I understand how that is my bf has done things with girls or been with different girls in the PAST. But times it bothers me and that has caused some problems, but i'm tryin to learn and show it to him but i'm tryin to learn on how to deal with that. HE's with me and only me and that's all that matters.HE's has said at times that, that was it with us but for some reason he still works with me, and is still with me, and becuz of that i love him more every day. SO work togeather and really try.