The time is near for me to proceed with the divorce papers. This is going to be a contested divorce coz he is adament not to give in to what i want though the cause of it is I cant reasonable live with him. He cheated on me, verbally and emotionally abuse me and now, I came to know he got a Private Investigator to check on me. To come clean, I have no other men to replace him. I dont need any at this point of time. Enough is enough. I just cannot reciprocate any love he claimed he has for me.
My question is, how do you prepare yourself emotionally and mentally while going through this hard walk without getting yourself too vulnerable for any potential "attacks" from him and crumble in the end.
I find myself both emotionally and mentally chaotic and find it hard to get myself grounded to get to where I want.
Pls help if it is possible. Thank you.
2006-11-05 01:45:16 · 7 answers · asked by DiL 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Prepare yourself for the worst. He is going to be mean and totally unfair. Keep your guard up. Keep your cool. Act like it's just business and leave your emotions at the door. You can pick them up on your way out, and if you feel the need to break down and cry, just don't do it in front of him.
2006-11-05 02:24:04 · answer #1 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, find a good church that offers small groups. You would not believe the strength I found talking to morally straight women who had gone through the same thing.
Your ex is angry and hurt. He got caught. He wanted his cake and to eat it too. He is going to strike out, and I don't think you can ever be ready for the pain and anger that will come your way from him, but you can be stronger with support.
Find a good group of women who can support you. Call your local churches and ask about their small groups and talk to a pastor or elder before deciding where you should be.
You do need a good attorney, however. Ask your friends if they know of a GOOD one.
It is a sucky process... I am so sorry you are going through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel, however! Just keep focused on that time when you are done with him.
2006-11-05 02:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey just remember you are doing the right thing and you are not alone! There are so many other women out there going through what you are going through. I am very fortunate in that my divorce is uncontested because well the marriage was pretty much uncontested as well! LOL In my case it was best friends getting married that should have stayed just best friends.
The best way to prepare yourself is just to tell yourself that you are a strong woman and you will not be bullied or pushed around by anyone and you will not take his abuse anymore...and whatever he throws at you you can take....
I just thought I would throw the lyrics to this song in the mix...whenever you feel yourself faultering remember this:
I Will Survive
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
Be strong and hang in there! You are not alone!
2006-11-05 02:04:27 · answer #3 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contested divorce is very draining, both mentally financially. It's going to be difficult now, but stay strong, what I suggest is that if you have another place to stay, move away. If that's not an option, lock yr door when you sleep.
Do not show fear in front of him, if needed, cry to yr family & buddies, what you need now is family & freinds support, alot of that.
Work out with the lawyer, don't be too rigid as to get what you want, even he agrees now and refuse to pay the alimony later, you can't do much as well. In Singapore, the law protects the women & children. Good Luck
2006-11-05 17:01:17 · answer #4 · answered by Rootbeer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is almost impossible to fully prepare. I would recommend that you talk to your family pastor or to a trained counselor so that they can help you through this so you don't crack under all the stress. Good luck and stay strong!
2006-11-05 01:51:21 · answer #5 · answered by acveach 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have an attorney and one that will fight for women's rights and not be afraid to battle on your behalf. My ex acted the same way. All he got was his clothes and his vehicle and only because I didn't want his junky van.
2006-11-05 02:29:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get ready for the worst yet to come . my soon to be ex..is giving me the same treatment. i dont want him anymore, he has nothing to offer me , my divorce had been going on , will be 2 years come april. he will not settle with me , i dont want alimony , dont want the house, i dont want any child support. i just want OUT!!!!...and relocate!!! with my 3 kids..
2006-11-05 18:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by maya v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋