My beautiful wife is into the same old, tried and true sex (which works adequately for both of us). I am into the magic, spirituality and adventure of extended, creative lovemaking. It can have so many "textures" and "colors". Her style is to "get there and get done", very linear & straightforward, and I (badly) want more. I love her dearly (we've been together & faithful for 10 years) but I am having thoughts of getting with another woman. To me sex can be so much more than just "relieving yourself"---and I am so tired of doing just that 5-7 times a week (sex with her, and w/ myself).
A little context: we have a very active & demanding 3 yr old.My wife makes 2x what I make per hour and is the major bread winner, at the moment. She wants me to earn more.I have been an aerobic athlete most of my life & do have an enormous amount of physical energy.
Thank you in advance for all your thoughtful responses. I especially appreciate any responses that are coming from personal experience.
2006-11-05 01:40:41 · 24 answers · asked by amazingdancermasseur 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can think but I do not think it is a good idea to act on being with another woman. It sounds like your energy levels are very different and that is natural...
I have two very dear friends, married who have two very different energy levels...he is much more physically active than she is but they get along great and have been married for 14 years. His job is in computers so the job part is not that active but once he gets off from work he is very much into mountain biking, hiking and any very physical activity...if the weather is not good then he goes to the gym. They make it work because they love each other and are committed to the relationship. He is one of the most considerate, devoted people I have ever seen...and she is just as devoted to him...they do things together biking and such but her level will never be up to his...
I guess it depends on what you ultimately want out of life...things will settle down when your child gets a little older. Til then talk to your wife about your concerns but take into consideration what is going on in her life...tell her how much you appreciate all she does...compliment her on her appearance...arrange to go away on a romantic weekend sometime...send her flowers...remember foreplay begins outside the bedroom...good luck!
2006-11-05 01:55:21 · answer #1 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is from personal experience. Women AS A GENERAL RULE get to a point that they are just not that into it. They are so busy with work, kids, housework, cooking, paying the bills and whatever else they are responsible for that by the end of a 16 hour day. They are a little physically and mentally spent. If you are getting sex 5-7 times a week you might stay right where your at. Consider yourself a lucky man. Here is the bottom line dont screw up a 10 year marriage because you need to satisfy some spiritual, magical, lovemaking adventure. Talk to your wife about your feelings she's the one that is going to be hurt in all of this. Does she really deseve that? If you loved your wife DEARLY this wouldnt even be a question?!
2006-11-05 02:03:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well welcome to the world of marriage. You are far from alone.
I am in my second marriage. Married my whole life I think. And if I had ever had sex as much as you say you do I would be kissing their feet. Makes no difference what kind.
I understand where your coming from. You would love to experiment and try new things. Wow am I ever where you are and always have been. But sex is totally different for women. They do not have the same emotional and physical involvement that we do in the act of sex.
It seems when we are dating they may not be able to get enough and are sure more capable than we are for extended sex. However once married....and they no longer are in pursuit mode....they begin to look at other things as more important. Especially if you have children. But I will tell you this…if you have sex three times or more with her in a week and you both enjoy it go directly to where she is now and give her a very big kiss. And I don’t care if it is the very same way every time. You are very fortunate.
What ever you do......do not consider anything outside your marriage. That leads to only one thing...a very complicated and not so fulfilling life. I am in my second marriage because my wife of 37 years chose to do that. I am married....she lives alone. Mr. wonderful didn't turn out so well.
If you no longer love your wife then divorce is the only answer. If you still do....and it seems you do...you should never put your marriage in jeopardy.
We all must compromise about different things in life. Maybe both of you could come to some happy medium. It is sure worth trying.
Remember this: The way the lord made some of us men is that we could have all these marvelous experiences with a 1000+ women and it will never be enough. Ever.
You have a family. Do all you can to not throw that away. You have one of the most important things in life. Keep it and work with it. Sex with another woman sounds wonderful but the complications and your guilt will combine to make your life seem glorious right now.
Love your wife for who she is.....not the sexual position you can get her in.
2006-11-05 02:30:13 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit her down and tell her, maybe she has thoughts of more exploration but is afraid to let you know. You have to be open and honest when it comes to intimacy.
Do something new!!! Change your looks, try things you have never tried before, go on a little vacation, go on a picnic and talk! If you need help in opening up, play a game that will get you both to be open and intimate.
In the bedroom:
Lots of foreplay, use toys and experiment, guys love using toys on a woman, thats the fun of sex is experimenting, and be open to new ideas, you may think it's something you won't like, but in the end it may surprise you.
Try all variations and see what stimulates you most.
You need to be creative to avoid sexual boredom. Try a new location, rent a hotel room, experiment with new positions, buy new lingerie, rent a sexy video, try a hot bath, candles and a massage. Cast your inhibitions to the wind. And then get busy!
2006-11-05 02:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With a three-year-old and a demanding job, I don't blame her for being too tired to not spend hours lovemaking. It sounds as if there may be some money tensions. It's hard to give yourself fully to a man if there is some resentment between the two of you. Can you go away for a night or for a weekend?
What thoughtful things that aren't sex-related do you to for her?
Have you spoken with her about this?
2006-11-05 01:44:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I feel both of your pain. I too, am the major breadwinner in my marriage and after a 40 hour work week, 4 kids to come home to and a disabled husband, I am whipped. I can tell you that if I was offered a foot rub or a cup of tea or to have dinner made for me when I got home, the romance would certainly be there more often.
Women need TLC. It starts for us at the beginning of the day, not right before we hit the bed. Good Luck
2006-11-05 01:47:17 · answer #6 · answered by Sunnee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're just wired differently. Your wife already has the burden of raising a 3 year old (I have one of those, they're tough lol) and of being the main provider for the family. By the time she gets to bed, she probably just wants to relax. But instead of relaxing, she gives in and gives you sex, in the hope that you won't go elsewhere. I'm guessing she's sound asleep right after you're done. She's tired! She's wired to provide for the needs of the child, the home, and you. In that order. Throw in a high-paying career where she's basiclly doing your job too......
2006-11-05 01:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by shojo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are going to get lots of personal experience from this because your case is pretty normal. However, there is no answer to your dilemma. You can't make a person jump out of their comfort zone just to please you. Especially in the bed! If you cheat on her then you will do her a favor. She will divorce you and you will have to live with the disgust of being a two timer. Your family will know, her family will know, your mutual friends will know, and they will no longer be yours. If you are thinking you can get away with it forget it! They always get caught, always! You won't have to pay alimony but you will have to pay child support. Oh yeah did we forget about your son? He will be raised with the knowledge his dad cheated on the family. May even decide dad was right and become one himself. You know what? Just don't! Be the man of the house. We are supposed to be the stable ones of the family. You lost the bread winning award now your shooting for her being more mature? Why?
2006-11-05 02:07:16 · answer #8 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5-7 times a week? Oh my. The problem is your wife is TIRED. That is far too much for anyone who is working fulltime, taking care of a three year old child, worrying about making dinner, making sure the laundry is in order, reading to the little one, sleeplessness when the little one has a fever, worrying about the deadline at work, wondering how to get rid of the stain on the carpet, thinking about the bills, wondering what to do about extended family about their needs, thinking about what needs to be done for Thanksgiving, remembering to take her own time for herself, organizing the family weekend, trying to remember if she let the dog out, trying to keep closets and cabinets organized, wondering if she picked up everything that was needed at the grocery store, trying to put away dishes while simultaneously seperating what needs to be brought out to set the dinner table>>>>>>>>>>>>> and then along comes you? You want her to be sensual and ready 5-7 days a week for slow lovemaking???? I can tell you for sure how to get that to happen. First of all. You tell her to take a nice long hot bath while YOU put away dinner, dishes, and clean up the kitchen. Then you read to little one and put the new clean linens on the bed. Then you both settle down to watch a bit of television and you let HER pick the show to watch tonite. And then you hint that you're feeling a bit "frisky" and ask her if she is too. If she says "yes".....ta daaaaaaaaaa. Go for it. IF she says she is too tired tonite. You respect that...help her out more and make plans for another night. Give the poor woman a rest. OHHHHHHHHHH. ANd as for thinking about another woman? You ought to be very ashamed of yourself.....and if you choose to go that route....you deserve to be alone with your own selfish self.
2006-11-05 01:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by latte_dbl_shot 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe you and your wife communicate well. You know what she likes. Remember a woman is turned on by romance, tenderness, and foreplay. It might help to foreplay more, to get her to heighten her aruosal. From my own experience, when a woman's arrousal is heightened she is more suseptical to enhanced pleasure. Be careful though, you must push the right buttons for her not you. You can slowly try new moves on her or positions that she finds enjoying. Since you are physically in shape you probably can last awhile, I suggest you legthen your experince with and include more cuddling, foreplay, and possibly new turn ons for her. Good Luck
2006-11-05 02:02:38 · answer #10 · answered by MeToo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋