Ok so me and my best friend were in a rather seemingly similar situation both very new to relationships and had met guys online. Well hers lived far away and we would talk about him and she would be so happy with him even tho he was 1k mile away. So anyway after a year she finally met him and he is currently staying with her. He is a 32 yr old and lived with his mother before comming up here to stay with and get to know her. He has not since tried to take her on a date or as far as I know pay for her dinner. All he does is makes sure she has enough money to pay for her rent(but doesnt help out with money besides micro managing her spending). Well besides all of this she wont even hang out with me anymore I know she has priorites now that her man is spending time with her (Btw he doenst even tell her if hes staying or not) but it just seems like 1. she doesnt ever have time for me or forgets when we are supposed to spend time together, or 2. she's to busy in the bedroom to get out.
2006-11-05 01:24:10 · 14 answers · asked by Ashlee K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I am not sure what I should do, because she used to be sooo happy and now she is not....she is grumpy and irritated all the time, I miss the happy girl I knew....I think he might be a leech and I dont know how long he is going to pull this"I dont know if Im staying"....She used to open up to me but now I think that she knows I would dissaprove of the actions he is taking....I mean...shes very skinny and is ON A DIET (is that just cause she's trying to impress him tho she once told me that he makes fun of fat people like myself?) How do I slap her in the face about what she is doing? this seems so nuts...or am I nuts?
2006-11-05 01:26:43 · update #1
Sorry Im really upset that...she is being so stupid
2006-11-05 01:28:58 · update #2
Been there, done that. Sooner or later it seems, we all have to face the fact that our close friends can be just as nasty and uncaring as our worst enemies -- when it comes to their lovers or potential spouses. Some of this is to be expected -- their priorities have changed and are moving on with their lives. Other times though, these suddenly "hooked-up" friends seem to act as though we never existed and may even completely cut us out of their lives.
Let your friend make her own mistakes. She'll see the error of her ways and will probably be coming back to you. In the meantime, move on yourself and begin to develop other friendships. I know (from experience) that some of these platonic friendships can become so close that the friends are more like siblings than friends -- it's hard to move on but it is something we have to do to survive. If she happens to pull this nonsense on you again with another guy, you will know better the next time and will also have a new set of friends to fall back on.
It might be a good idea to rely on your family for socializing and emotional support right now too.
Good luck, dear. I am thinking about your situation. I've been there and know what you are going through.
2006-11-05 01:37:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you two are, but I suppose it doesn't matter. In any case, in your last sentence you answered your own question. "....too busy in the bedroom..." They're probably a couple of rabbits and can't get enough of each other. There's two issues you should consider. First, reverse the roles. Imagine it's you who's got Player on the string. And he's got the "good stuff", if ya know what I'm saying. Real good. You not only forget your friends, you forget everything else, including your own name and phone number.. And second, this whole thing your best friend has going ain't gonna last forever. Six months, tops. Then Player will move on to the next conquest. So just let your friend know that you'll be there for her no matter what. It's the "sisterhood" thing. And no recriminations because she shut you out and your feelings got hurt a little bit. Why? 'Cause next time, it could be you. Us men are such dogs. (Well, not me of course, just them other guys...I myself am pretty much perfect)
2006-11-05 01:40:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention if the guy you're dating has asked you to end the friendship or if he just hinted to it, or how exactly it came to the point that you're wondering who you should ditch, but I can tell you one thing for sure - you don't throw away friendships for someone you're dating, and in the long run you don't want to go out with someone who wants you to do it. A healthy & happy relationship is one where you have your own life too, your own friends and your own interests (and so does the other person). Don't ditch your good friend and rethink dating this guy and make sure he can respect the boundaries. Plus, I think it's really cool and great when the person you're going out with actually tries to get along with your friends. If he wants to be a part of your life... well you get what I'm saying.
2016-05-22 00:54:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people get into a serious relationship that becomes a damper on their other friendships, sometimes it takes a friends to say, "hey did you forget about me?" Its difficult to tell someone what is really on your mind, but its a very serious situation to forget all of your friends because of a significant other. You should just take your friend out for coffee and talk to her. Tell her in a few months, you are going to feel like you no longer have a best friend because of this guy.
Also, if you think this guy is abusing her to the point where he is living off of her money, then its your job to tell her so. No woman should be leeched off of. Its not polite, and its not the female's job to support the male in this type of situation. Tell her she needs to tell the "boyfriend" to get a job.
The other thing to think about is...you mentioned the man was 32...How old is your friend. Does it seem silly that they are together? Is he really "too" old for her? I mean it is possible. In the orthodox church, the church doesn't allow marriages of people 13 years apart. I am hoping that this isn't the case here, but even if they are six or seven years apart this is still a little "insane"
Things to think about.
When I got married, I felt like I lost a lot of my friends, and I only had my family to look to. Recently I have a good girlfriend and my husband said to me, "I am so glad you have a girl friend. Its been ages. You have someone you can go out and have coffee with and talk about me too! That's fantastic."
Now every girl dreams for a guy like that. If you love your friend, tell her the truth.....if the guy is a total ***...tell her!
Good Luck!
2006-11-05 01:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by nmhflute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend is in a potentially abusive relationship with this man. He sounds controlling. Talk to your friend about how you feel. Avoid anything she may see as a verbal attack on her boyfriend, ie, don't mention him. Keep the focus on the two of you. Tell her you feel that she's forgotten about you and that it hurts your feelings. If she says she's sorry and tries to make it up to you, let the rest go for the time being. If she gets angry and/or defensive, stay away from her for a while and let her cool down. Don't call her, but be there for her when she calls you and don't hold what she may say against her in the future. Men can be like drugs sometimes--they make us forget about our friends and the ones we care for. If this man is as controlling as you say, then your friend is going to need you very soon.
2006-11-05 01:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by Avie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'm sorry this has happened to you. It is sad when your friend acts this way. The only thing I can tell you, is if you can, be there for her when this relationship falls apart, help her pick up the pieces and move on. She will realize once she gets out of this misguided haze, what all she shouldn't have done and will need a good friend.
2006-11-05 01:30:48 · answer #6 · answered by magnolia_76 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww Ashley....yeah ya freind is defintiley dissing you for love...but if you are her true firend and you know it hurts...let her live in her love of stupididty....it is obvious that a relationship wont survive if you shut out the people who were part of your life before you fell head over jimmy chooo pumps...but she wont truly be happy unless she has friends to share with and a man it is a hard balance...and this guy maybe putting pressure on her to spend time with him becuase he is in a new town and none of his friends are around to take up his time....ooohhh I know introduce him to some of your guy friends...he needs male distractions than you can slide in back with your bff....
2006-11-05 01:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by ThunderCats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's all she was ,was there for you when you were looking for a guy on the net or other places,she is past that now..she found her guy.
Get past it..you are a bad influence on her now and she does not want to ruin her happiness by going out with you and looking for other guys..you should be happy for her not mad or jealous of her..
Her guy probably told her to dump you..I know a guy that did the same thing to his girlfriend,she dumped her friends also.
2006-11-05 01:28:36 · answer #8 · answered by Dfirefox 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a classic way that women oppress one another. When no man is around, they are all buddies for life. But when a guy comes around it is every woman for herself. This is soooo wrong. It makes us seem silly and dumb. We can have both you know!
2006-11-05 01:26:56 · answer #9 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she were ur bff she wouldnt have left u for him but we all do stupid things for love. if u really carea sit down with her and talk to her. for what u say this guy is a jerk so try to open up her eyes so she can see the light. i hope u the best.
2006-11-05 01:36:55 · answer #10 · answered by candy girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋