How can I get a date with her when she already has a husband?

Question

There is a woman I have been working with for almost 6 years now. She has been married the whole time but I am deeply attracted to her and I believe it is mutual. I am also married with a kid on the way but I am always thinking about my co-worker. We get along so great and share alot and understand each other. She has a kid but I know she is very unhappy in her marriage. How can I pursue things further with her in the most tactful way?

Answer 1

Go ahead and mess up both your lives and the lives of those you say you care about, no one gains from this type of move.

Answer 2

Well you have two choices.

Move away from this woman so you will not continue to be tempted....or........be a damn fool and divorce your wife in hopes that she will do the same.

There is nothing......nothing......good about this relationship. You both stood up with your spouse and swore there would be no-one before the other. So here you are trying very hard to do just that.

You have a child on the way and you are wanting to fool around? What the hell are you thinking? The morel issue aside you have no idea what complicated is until you do this.
Your life will become hell. And while at this point it may not be important to you your job will fail. You can't handle this and do a good job also. No one can.

There is no tactful way to ask a woman to dump her husband for a married man. That is what you will be asking of her. She has a child. You will have. Can't you see the complications? Man back off. Move to another part of the company...what ever you have to do to get away from her.

If you don't you will be so very sorry.

Answer 3

I can't wait to read the answers you get on this question!!!! you will be call every name in the book!. Anyway, you are asking about pursuing things with a co worker. There are a few dangerous factors here. 1. both have spouses, 2. children and 3. you work in the same place. All are problematic factors that you may want to consider before you take that step. I would suggest that you ask yourself if this is worth the pain. In addition, you do not mention how she feels about you...what if she does not respond? Maybe some more thinking and research before you take that leap. Good luck bud!

Answer 4

First off, do not pursue anything! You are both married. You need to stop the nonsense before a bunch of people get hurt. You have a wife and a child on the way! That is where you should be spending your time.

I am not sure of the percentage but I know the failure rate is high for co-workers to have a relationship outside of work.

Quit thinking with the wrong head and be a man and take care of your family!

Answer 5

I'm a man and I know exactly what you mean, but it's men like you that put us in a bad light. If you are able to entertain these desires, you shouldn't have got married in the first place. Sorry this isn't what you want to hear but when you make a life long commitment to someone, that's exactly what it is, a life-long promise. If you want to pursue this, then you're no longer able to meet your obligations as a husband and should admit that to your wife. Be a Man about it not a coward. Get a divorce before you hurt your wife!!! She & your soon to be child deserves better!!!

Answer 6

Of course you get along great and understand each other... you work together! (hello!!) I work with almost all men, and we're all buddies... but at the end of the day, they're in their cars, I'm in mine... and we all go HOME..! Its not even a thought!

You need to re-evaluate VERY QUICKLY before you do something stupid and hurt a whole lot of people that dont deserve it. If you put this much thought into your own relationship as you do to this coworker..

Someone said relationships that start inside work rarely last. They were right. At work we are different people, we talk about our outside lives etc... and when we go home, we talk about our work lives. Combining the two is just creating havoc.. you'll not only lose your family, but maybe your source of employment as well.

The most tactful way to pursue? Tell your wife you need to talk about what you need to do to become a better husband.

Answer 7

Stop right there...don't because you are treading on very dangerous ground. You have to think of you wife and your child yet to be born. Think of all the complications you will make for her and her child also. You would be doing a grave injustice to all around. If she is unhappy in her marriage then that is something that she should do something about not you..you can be a supportive friend but you have to think of the innocent lives that can be torn apart from your actions...the most tactful and loving thing you can do is to not do anything and let it go.

Answer 8

First, if you do pursue, it is going to open a whole can of worms for you. Are you ready for sneaking around, lying to your wife, making excuses to be with her. Because that is what will happen. Take it from someone who knows. The same thing happened with me. We had mutual attraction> lust. He loved me so much...I was his world. He cherished me. I could not call him but certain times. Sometimes when he talked to me he would have to just hang up. He would be with me and have to leave "I will be back" to never return. After our 15 minute interlude that I had had to plan for a week . And now, he is never going to leave his wife. He has as much as said it. I told him I could not keep this up. It is too upsetting. So you tell me, is this gonna be worth pursuing with you having a baby on the way?????

Answer 9

I think you should leave her alone..or be a man and tell your wife how your feeling first. that you have doubts. maybe all you need is an outside pov from a qualified professional. if you truly love your wife don't hurt her by having an affair with another woman. try to work this out. a baby is a big change and maybe your scared of where that roads leads. My husband always tells me. the temptation is always there for each of us but we don't do it because we could never hurt one another like that. Could you honestly crush the mother of your child in such a deceitful way? think about it.

Answer 10

I would suggest that you think about this long and hard.

Your relaionship with this person is based only on work. If it seems blissful and harmonious, it may not be love.

A relationship goes beyond the mere 9 to 5. You and your coworker haven't had to make careful decisions about money, kids, and other housekeeping items which is what makes it seem so perfect.

Think of the greater issues here. Is it fair to your respective spouses? Is it fair to your respective children?

If you decide to consummate this relationship with your co-worker, do you really want it to be based on lies and deceit? Is this the role model you wish to portray to your kids?

I understand why this happens. I've been there before. But you owe it to your respective spouses to have this conversation before you do anything.

As the saying goes, "clean up your own house before you enjoy someone else's."

There is obviously something missing in your marriage and you owe it to yourself and your wife to try and fix it as best as you can before you "escape" with your co-worker.

Good luck.

Answer 11

You want the most tactful way? Ok, wait until you are both DIVORCED, and not because of each other. How dare you spend your time lusting after another woman when the woman you pledged before God to love, honor, and cherish until death is pregnant with your child. That is the height of selfishness. You need to turn your eyes and heart back home where they belong. I feel sorry for your wife, and your kid.