As soon as you get emotionally involved with someone things just start to get really complicated! Why? Especially after a break-up!! Any solutions to make it easier?
2006-11-05 00:57:55 · 20 answers · asked by steve101 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I believe relationships are so difficult because many people have unrealistic expectations. If someone is not perfect than one or the other is ready to move on. Or if trouble come about someone is ready to run.
What makes them successful is that both people have the same reason for entering a relationship. Sure everyone says they're looking for love, that's the rope that brings the cow home. However, some people want only to see what you can do for them and how far you'll let them get away with taking from you and giving you nothing in return.
The key is to use your mind and not your heart in the very beginning. If after a period of time you are getting what you need from the relationship then you can put your heart into it.
Break-ups are difficult as you are not mourning the loss of that person, you grieve over what you thought that person was going to bring to your life. After your head and heart clear from him or her you often find yourself asking what in the world did I ever see in that person.
Time allows you to see things more clearly. It just wasn't meant to me. I always trust my fate in life because when I see things aren't going to happen after constantly trying then I realize that the situation, person, etc., wasn't in the master plan of my life.
You'll be okay.
2006-11-05 01:24:01 · answer #1 · answered by indepwman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well Steve there are only two answers to this.
Your perception of reality.
Reality.
Relationships are never ever easy but the more we expect of a relationship the more likely we will be disappointed. The reason is of course is no two people are alike. We never view life the same. And add the fact that men and women always view things different complicates things significantly.
The more you as a person feel they must conform to a given relationship to make it work the less likely it will. Why? Because we are being something we are not and sooner or later it will come out. While being yourself.....insisting that a relationship fits you.....the less likely there will be long term problems. What that does mean however is any given relationship may end much earlier, but aren't we all better for it?
The divorce rate in the US is around 50%. What does that tell you about people not really getting to know each other before commitment.
2006-11-05 09:19:45 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is 2 solutions..and I would only recommend 1. 1 is that you don't get close to anyone and you just have fun... but what I recommend is that you are 200% sure that you've found the right person before going too far. Try not to get too involved with anyone unless you are really sure they are emotionally involved with you.. one-way relationships don't work. After a breakup you still have all the feelings from your relationship but no-one to take them out on, and so people usually go on a rebound and take them out on someone random.
2006-11-05 09:01:31 · answer #3 · answered by Aaron 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people have difficulty in love relationships. There are a number of books and lectures on this subject. I suggest you try reading a few. I say "a few" because it is quite possible that the first one you read would be false advice.
Another approach is to go talk to your parents and ask them for advice. If you feel that they have a good marriage, then maybe they know something they can educate you about. If you feel that your parents are not a good example, then maybe you know other married people you could take as examples, and go talk to them. Other married people you might know might be your grandparents, your uncles and aunts and cousins, or your neighbors.
When you meet married people, ask questions like,
"How did you meet your spouse?"
"Where did you go on dates?"
"How old were you when you met your spouse?"
"How many people did you date before you got married?"
"How did you know you were in love?"
"How did you decide that this was the person you wanted to marry?"
"How long did it take you to fall in love, after you first met?"
What I am suggesting is that the solution to making love relationships easier, is to be more strict with yourself about dating in a good way. I think you need a third party who is objective to discuss with you how you find dates, the activities that you do on dates, and in general how do you relate to people.
Very often people who have emotional difficuly from dating also have some difficulty relating to people in general. In general, do you greet people cheerfully? Are you polite? Are you kind? Are you gentle and thoughtful? These are good attributes that you can develop by practicing them with all the people you meet, whether it is at school, at work, in your family, and people in general.
Also I suggest you examine your own motives about why you are dating. The key point in a love relationship, is that you and the person you are dating must have the same goal. If you are dating someone who wants to find a husband, and you don't want to get married, then you do not have the same goal. You might have fun for a while, but the person you are dating is going to figure out that you are headed in different directions, and that will pull you apart. If you find someone that has the same goal as you, then that will pull the two of you together. Do you even know what your goals are in life? Goals are things like where do you want to live, do you want to be married, do you want to have children, what kind of work do you want to do, what kind of things do you want to do to keep healthy (food, exercise), how do you want to spend your holidays, your weekends, and your vacations... these are a few examples of goals.
On the first date, before you get emotionally involved, spend a lot of time talking and asking questions about the things that are important to you. A movie or concert is not a good first date, because you can't talk to each other in a theater or stage audience. A good first date is going to a coffee shop or restaurant, or maybe the zoo, or a shopping mall, and just talk talk talk talk and try to figure out if you are a good fit for the person.
2006-11-05 09:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by old c programmer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because we all have our annoying little ways and habits and our own set of beliefs, values and principles. So statistically, it's very rare to find someone who you are COMPLETELY compatible with who you will always agree with! We can all be quite stubborn sometimes too! The biggest mistake people make in relationships is trying to own or change the other person. It never ever works. And after a break up, well people are on the defensive and rejection is a painful thing and can make people irrational! Just take your time finding the right person and make sure that you and they will accept each other and not try and change them. And remember, some arguing is healthy and normal in a relationship. You're never going to agree on everything and we all get tired and ratty sometimes.
2006-11-05 09:06:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to accept it,that is life - so complicated and sometimes it can be so unpredictable.Yet it is so beautiful and so precious.Any solutions to make it easier? Perhaps there is.Don't let your emotion,your frustration control you.You have to be brave,strong and patient to face and accept all the goods and bads that you have been through in your life.Otherwise you would only feel bad all the time.
Take a deep breath and have faith in yourself..I am sure that you have the strength to make things better.
Take care!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-05 10:28:39 · answer #6 · answered by Simba's Rose Bud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only get emotionally involved with someone you know and trust and can talk to an you know will respect you. but remember you have to respect them. if you've just gone through a breakup and you are devestated do something to keep busy - tear up photos it helps or even take up kick boxing - its all good
2006-11-05 10:52:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has more to do with our expectations When they r not fulfilled things begin to look anything but rosy.We r always measuring people using our own yardsticks but when they dont fit the bill we begin to get disillusioned leading to all sorts of problems.If we keep our expectations low & if we respect the feelings of others things wont get sorted out but, it will certainly reduce our problems drastically.
2006-11-05 09:10:03 · answer #8 · answered by surendra s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are difficult because we make them difficult. Most will do and live life according to how their peers are; and are afraid to do what needs to be done so they don't look like an outcast. To me, this is immaturity. People need to realize their actions are affecting others and they need to stop living their life to please their friends.
Hey, during a breakup, realize it's a breakup for a reason. Don't dwell on it...move on and you'll find one who is deserving of what you have to offer.
2006-11-05 09:25:36 · answer #9 · answered by blueeyeskenai 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
because the human mind is so damn complex! We can't understnd out feelings and emotions in a context that allows us to judge others objectively!
If that was possible we would never be angry at anyone... but that's not the case.
2006-11-05 09:00:45 · answer #10 · answered by ghostsqaud 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋