To women... what if we are meeting our wifes needs?

Question

I ask so many questions about women and sex and it boils down to this...

Just for the sake of argument... assume that a man is good in bed and he meets his wives needs... he cleans, cooks, pays the bills, works hard, is very emotionally attentive, good in bed, well hung( I add this because women mention it) and good looking... but his wife still doesn't care to meet his needs sexually. What then???

I earn have earned 90% of the income. I have done at least 50% of the household duties... even the kids say they can't count on her for being a good Mom. She cheated on me while I worked 80+ hours a week because she was too good to be a checker at Walmart and help provide. Honest, folks... those were her words... 'Too good to be a checker at Walmart'. I would think that her kids were worth any job... maybe it's just me.

I hear this story over and over... now she isn't sexual at all... it's like she litterally CAN'T do more than one thing in life at a time... explain this to me.

If you knew me you wouldnt say wimpy LOL

I am a body builder that is very alpha male... but I don't think I should be a prick and let the kids go without because she is a beetch. It's tough not to make the kids pay.

Answer 1

sounds like you are wasting your time there my friend........if she doesnt want to pull her share then it's time to move on

Answer 2

I'm not going to tell you to move on. Thats why divorce rates are thru the roof. Oh she/he doesn't do this....time to move on. Marriage is a work in progress. Both people have to put in the effort.

Option A: You're wife is cheating on you. See if there are other signs that may provide reason as to whether this is the case. I mean it sounds like this is a possibility since she already cheated on you.

Option B: You're wife is desperately wanting attention from you that she feels isn't getting. You may be doing all the "right things" but I bet you thats not the things she wants. Find out what she wants not what society thinks makes a good husband. She prob is not measuring up to the "good mom/wfe" as a way to express this to you without even knowing. And if you want the sex this is a starting point. Make her feel sexy too. Make her feel desirable. Tell her in advance you want to whisk her away to somewhere for the day and that you want to pay attention to her and her bod! Hopefully you wont have to ask, she will want to be seducing you.

ALso; You work to much. Reduce the hours you work and watch you're QUALITY of life improve greatly. Its all about quality not quantity! I bet you can find ways to save money and spend more time together. Go out on little dates here and there. Even just for coffees. See eachother without the kids and actually talk to her about all this. Tell her your point of view and how you want a fantatastic relationship. Think of ways you both can comprimise. Small things, and your r/ship will start to improve. Keep it simple!

Answer 3

Well, Dave, since you get to be the roommate for now, be the roommate for now. Your wife is telling you in no uncertain terms that she needs some space. And that's ok. Her methods are a little crude, but the main text is there.

Try to relax and accept this place where you are at. Take a breath. Look at what you have to do in a day. Where is there time for her? (Not talking about sex, here...)

Try to establish a routine of dinner, bath, and quiet time in the evenings. The kids can do homework with the after school program from 3 to 4 Mon thru Thurs. This takes homework out of the picture. Your goal is to meet their needs and have them occupied by 8 or so in the evening.

this allows for some down time. Deliberately have nothing to do from 9 or so on. In case she wants to come to you.

Ask her every day if there is anything you can do for her. this indicates that you regard her as a person and are not out for "just one thing". She picks up the habit and it becomes a nice thing for both of you.

Foreplay begins when you say, "Good Morning, hon." Meet her on her level. (Please don't stop bathing.) I mean, if she can do the roommate thing and you guys can heal the injuries you have inflicted on your marriage by reconnecting the friendship that motivated you in the first place, then do it. Be her friend. Once she drags her self esteem out of the mire she can start to respond on a more intimate level, and then you can bring home wine and candles. But not now. She'll find a job. Let her decide. She may be battling depression and it's hard to take on more when you can't take on what's already there.

You're a good husband. I commend you for caring so much. Your sex life will come back when your lover comes back. Right now your wife just needs you to just be there. Be her best friend. Just be there.

Answer 4

You sound like a great guy, and it sounds like you're working very hard to meet your family's needs, and her WalMart comment is a little strange.

Here's one thought, though. And I could be way off here.

Me personally? I would like a husband that works less than 80 hours a week. The point isn't to provide lots of money, to do chores, and to satisfy me sexually in bed. I would rather have less money, but be able to spend more time with my husband and my family. There's way more than money, chores, and sex.. Maybe the reason she doesn't want to be intimate with you, or please you, isn't because she isn't feeling emotionally connected to you. She wants to feel beautiful. Loved. Bring her flowers, mail her cards. Tell her she's beautiful. Take her out to dinner. But don't bring up sex. It's almost guuaranteed (unless she's a complete witch), if you do those things (rather than work more, do more chores, etc.), she will be coming on to YOU.

Answer 5

Here's a twist you might not have thought of. You say you do all these things, including dealing with the kids. Well, what do you leave for her? We women are wired to desire to keep house, cook, and be moms. Maybe you pressuring her to go to work outside the home, which she doesn't want, while you're doing her job at home, she feels useless. She probably feels like she's not needed because you're mr. do-it-all. That leads to depression, which can lead to laziness and an i-don't-care attitude.

Answer 6

I don't understand what you mean by she cheated on you because she said she was too good to be a checker at walmart. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Besides that though l think you are married to a lazy, useless piece of work. I am a woman myself and personally l am embarassed by your wife.She gives us other wives a bad name.You sound like a genuinely good guy and she is definately taking advantage of that fact.If l was you l would tell her to shape up or ship out, she is only a burden to you and your kids the way l see it. I am sure that a lot of other people would certainly agree with me.Why don't you tell the guy she cheated on you with to keep her, l think they probably deserve each other. Best of luck to you and your kids.

Answer 7

It sounds like she just isn't in the relationship anymore. She may have fallen out of love with you, and now is just staying in the relationship for convenience. You should suggest couples therapy to get to the bottom of whats going on with her. She obviously is becoming quite spoiled in that whatever she does or says you just take her back and let her get away with it (ie, cheating and not working)...now I'm not blaming you at all... trust me, I'm not, but you cant let her do this to you and your kids. I think she is working up the courage to ask for a divorce.

Answer 8

I have to agree with Qrious...

I am feeling like your wife in my marriage. My hubby does chores and provides financially, but he doesn't pay attention to me. He doesn't romance me. I drop hints all the time...pay attention, she's probably told you what she needs emotionally from you, but not directly. You need a counselor for sure, get to the root of the problem before she leaves you.

Answer 9

You married poorly. It happens. It's time to move on, and if the kids are seeing her true colors then they will understand.

Answer 10

When I read your message, all I see is ME ME ME ME...pay attention to ME, feel sorry for ME, my relationship is all about ME...She is obviously heard this same old song for years and is tired of YOU. She is exhausted, and tired of living her life for YOU. She has decided to live her own life for herself. Try being happy for her for a change instead of whining about what YOU don't get.

Answer 11

3 words: Lazy Frigid Snob