I'm in love with a sex addict. Can he change?

Question

I am in love with someone who used to be a sex addict. He has had sex with over 300 women in his lifetime, seen prostitutes and at one time he cheated on his girlfriend by having sex with 3 to 4 different women a week for hire from Craiglist. He has had sex with shemales and gone to sex clubs. He is a charmer picked up women at bars and at work and on the subway. He still surfs pornography on a regular basis. Since meeting me, he has gone to therapy and say s that both our relationship and his love for me have changed his life. He vows never to cheat and claims that he realizes that easy sex was a way to fill an emptiness he didn’t know he felt at the time. He wants us to marry me and have children. I adore him, the sex is amazing and he knows me better than anyone but I am afraid to be overly optimistic about his ability to change. I dont know if I should pursue this relationship.

Answer 1

People can change, if they want something badly enough.
But also remember when someone wants something, they
can also " pretend " .If you really like this guy , and enjoy
being with him, than just date him. Date him for a at least
a YEAR or so. But don't tell him the time limit. If he sticks
around, and does not go back to his bad habits. Everybody thinks they have to rush right into a marriage.
I think that is why we have so much divorce.

Answer 2

I, as a general rule don't have lots of faith in man's capacity to change. Having said that, my own personal experience demonstrates that it is possible.
As a younger man I've engaged in sexual activity that I would pass by today based on the knowledge that making love is so much better than just having sex.
The bottom line is that his sincerity and commitment have to be guaged, and not knowing the man doesn't allow me to make that determination. What I will say is that from your description, you have a relationship with several positive aspects and that shouldn't be discarded without just cause.
The other thing that is noteworthy, is that your man appears to be brutally honest. I would not have given you all that incriminating information about myself.
Give him a chance, but don't allow yourself to be blinded by love.You may well end up happy that you made that choice.

Answer 3

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. He may be a great guy, but really, how faithful is he going to be. You hear stories about men who are in a loving relationship (married) with kids, but they get "bored" so they cheat. That is a definate possibility esspecially once you get married and have kids and your tied down all the time. If you are questioning this relationship, maybe you should't be thinking about marriage or even a serious relationship. I don't know, but if I were you I would get out, no matter how hard it was.

Answer 4

No, you can't change him.
Right now, in the blush of "love", he will make lots of promises. When you are preggers and thirty pounds heavier and your skin is bad and you look like you swallowed the bow of a trident submarine and you whine about your swollen ankles, he might have second thoughts. When he finds out that the sex will never be as good again, he probably will have second thoughts.
I'm not saying men can't learn and change (we can), but the fact that he is still surfing porn, and has such an extreme history, would tend to cast a shadow of doubt on his prognosis.
Screw happy, but don't tie yourself to this one if you want a monogamous relationship.

Answer 5

He could... but if you so much as skip a beat sexually, he will most likely cheat.

He will have a very low tollerence for lack of sexual fulfilment. I agree with the comparison to a duck...

This guy needs to marry a woman who loves to swing. I know many women who would divorce if thier hubby quit swinging so I know they are out there.

I'd walk away before you get even closer and more hurt.

Answer 6

I think wait, give him a chance. However, if he cheats on you just once, he doesn't deserve you because you know he will probably continue to cheat, you don't deserve someone like that, you deserve someone who is honest and treats you with respect, gives you love and compassion and who is there for you. But one key thing to note is to get him checked for HIV/aids. Sex isn't something you can have with any partner, I believe that sex should be kept until ou to have a spiritual and loving union that you know will last.

Answer 7

C'mon-even Halle Berry got cheated on by her ex Eric who had the same problem.A person with any addiction cannot control a relapse at any given point,even with the best of intentions,no more than an alcoholic who just needs his fix one day.Please be careful,aware and have safe sex.

Answer 8

Run, run, run!! You don't deserve damaged goods. If you had a daughter would you want her to date this man? If you said no, then why would you choose someone like this for yourself? As women, we all have a certain degree of wanting to "rescue" or "save" a damaged man - but we must realize that we deserve a finished product, a whole man, a good man, who is deserving of our love and what we have to offer. Don't set yourself up for failure. Relationships with good people are hard enough, don't start off with a lemon.

Answer 9

You might as well if you're already having sex with him. You've probably already gotten HIV, so might as well not spread it around any further. I don't see how a woman with an ounce of self-respect could ever consider hopping in the sack with a guy like that, but whatever floats you boat.

Answer 10

I would be very careful about dealing with this person. He don't seem to care what he is humping on men or women. So his chances of having a serious STD or even AIDS is very high. I know of very well paid whores who has not had sex with 300 different people. So his chances of changing is slim and chance of AIDS is very high and so are your chances of getting it if you have sex with this person.