why does she do it?

Question

my friend is very posessive of me when we go out.
she is straight and i am bi (only out to a few people, not her). the problem is, when i stay at hers or she stays at mine, we share a bed and she's always coming on to me. she keeps saying in one breath that she'd never sleep with another woman, then says it's on her list of things to do before she dies.

i'm so confused we're both in our 30's and have been friends for 20 years. i've asked her before if she fancies me or if she has lesbian feelings and she denies it.
help me sort this out because it is putting a strain on our friendship as i have stopped going to see her.

the reason i have not told her is that although i love her to bits (as a close friend) she could gossip for england and i like to tell people when i want to
i am sure she doesn't know about my sexuality because she is the type of woman who would ask me outright

Answer 1

You have been friends for so long and you have never told her that you are bi? Why not? Does it make you uncomfortable to say it to her?

Anyway, she does sound like she is confusing you big time. Giving double messages, I can imagine that you don't know what to think anymore.

She might want you and be afraid that your friendship will change after she has told you that. Maybe that's why she denies having feelings for you. On the other hand, maybe she does not have feelings for you in that way, but just tries to tell that she has bisexual feelings herself. That doesn't have to mean that she fancies you. Although to me it looks like she does fancy you.

Whatever the case is, you will not know if you don't start to be clear to her. Why don't you tell her that you are bisexual, and that she is confusing you to the point that you are starting to avoid her? Be honest and open and start to really communicate.
Your other alternative is going on like this, which can mean the end of your friendship. After such a long time, that sounds crap to me.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 2

Well, girl you've been friends for a very long time and seem to be very close. Do you like her more than a friend? If you do then when she makes a move on you again, go for it! Maybe she's waiting for you to make a move. If you just like her as a friend then I would have a serious talk with her and let her know that your bi and that it bothers you that she messes around with you that way. And I would stop sleeping in the same bed, come on now your grown women and well I wouldn't be caught sleeping in the same bed with a friend. But that's me! Good luck.

Answer 3

To tell you the truth, i think the best thing you can actuly do is talk with her about it. Ask her.... Send your question to her. She will be able to give you the best answer. you have had a friendship with this woman for 20 years, which is long time. To save this, i think you should comfront her and tell her how you feel and what you think about the issue.

My trainer is gay, and she has had a rough relationship with her lover/partner. she has had alot of ups and downs, however, they have managed to end their relationship on an up, and i think they both seem realy happy now.

Within thoes 20 years of you knowing her, things would have happened which means that only you would be able to make the best decion on your question.

Sorry i cant be of more help, but i hope you can see this point of view. Best of wishes with whatever you decide.

Answer 4

Your friend is not stupid. I'm quite sure that no matter how well you have tried to hide your "bi-side" she caught on. Be honest with yourself first before you're honest with her. How long did you think you would be able to keep something like that from her?

If she was truly your friend I think she would be able to handle your little secret if you were to tell her honesty. Think about how she must feel since others know about you and she doesn't. That's a slap in the face.

As for her feelings for you and your feelings for her well that's another story. Before you can deal with that you will have to confront her and tell about your life and from there you gals will just have to figure things out. be agressive and tackle this little problem before it costs you a friend.

Answer 5

Obviously she fancies you more than just a friend. If it makes you feel uncomfortable tell her so tell her that she is putting a strain on your friendship, that you don't fancy her as a lover and prefer to keep it that way. As for her being possessive, not good at all, i know it would make me feel uncomfortable to the point that i would not want to be around her if she acts that way. Anyone who makes you feel bad is not worth having around.:)

Answer 6

Put it to the test. Next time she is over, have a few drinks and go to bed naked, or nearly naked. She has the chance to touch you if she wants and when she does you will know.

I am straight but thinking about girls a lot. If I had one in bed naked I know what I would do. Do girls bums taste better than guys?

Answer 7

i think pretty halen, s1ickb1g, sangre y leche n pheirmeiz have given u the best advices jsut concentrate to what they've advised u,,,i know it makes u highly shy to tell ur frnd abt this....bt if she's ur frnd since last 20 yrs. ofcourse she wud be ur best frnd.....n ur best frnd not knowing sum secret of ur life.....thats not fair from ur part...n i think if the stuff is disturbing u so.....u shud no feel any hestance in taling to ur 'own friend' abotu this....first u tell her that ur a bi....see for days if she confesses her love fr u.....still if she doesn't u confront her n tell her how u feel of this attitude of her...n which is even creating a strain on ur relation.....n along with tht dont be affraid of breaiking of ur frndshp just go on.....if u have anything for her in ur mind just tell her....after tht just leave evrything on God n i assure u ur relation is long enough to be broken at this fact

Answer 8

i think she may have heard from someone that you are bi - and is upset you havent told her - she is trying to get you to admit it to her- and probably wants you to fancy her -

Do you like her??? Do you wanna do stuff with her??

If the answer is yes - then next time she comes on to you - respond - you could have the time of your life - -

If the answer is no - then don't share a bed!

Answer 9

You must tell her that her behaviour is not on. If she was a bloke we'd all be shouting "sexual harrassment" but, in reality, there's no difference.

Your sexuality is beside the point. It's unwanted sexual advances, and it has to stop.

She's being very selfish. Sounds to me like she has fantasies about sleeping with you, but can't quite admit it to herself. But that's her problem, not yours.

Answer 10

One thing you don't mention is how you feel about her...do u fancy her (I think you do!)? If you do, make your move. Some people just need to be...taken, know what I mean? They don't want to be the ones to make the first move. Good luck...