Failed Relationship!?

Question

Bit of a strange one this, I split from my wife back in October last year and a friend who I had known for years helped me get through the break-up by talking daily to me and being there for me, I admit at the time I did like her a lot though this was nothing to do with the break-up of my marriage which had been stale for some time. Anyway, This friendship turned to more and we started seeing each other as a couple about 5 months later, now for several reasons, we split up in September this year. Can anyone explain why I feel so absolutely gutted about this, in fact more so than my marriage break-up (were together for 10 years). I did actually think she was my soul mate and am absolutely gutted about the whole "were friends, then relationship, now won't speak to each other" thing..Anyone think that perhaps I'm so gutted by this because I havent had time to grieve for my marriage break up yet?, it's so hard to figure out.!!. comments pls!!

Answer 1

Personally I think you used the friends compassion as a rebound at the time and she used you also. Typically I think you need time to grieve at the end of one relationship before jumping into another one. I feel that the loss feeling needs a time to grieve, a time to be angry, a time to cry, a time to feel the loss in its entirety and a time to decide to let it all go and be free from the feelings. Some folks it takes quite a while and some folks it doesnt take much time, however it should take some sort of time frame for all of this to get out of your system. The compassionate friend was someone new and exciting. Someone to be there for you in your time of need (not a bad thing) but didnt let you go thru the process of the loss. Now that they are both essentially gone from your life, you probably have this overwhelming feeling of loss not from only the marriage but now the other relationship as well. I would suggest, just taking a breather, regroup your life, feel the loss and then let it go. Make a fresh start at the point you feel that you can begin a new relationship not on the rebound. Good luck to you and my heart does go out to your hurt.

Answer 2

Two failed relationships one after the other. You should have taken time after your marriage. You fell onto your friend because she was there for you, acting the way a wife would act in a situation where you were upset or hurt. She became like a second wife. When the relationship ended, it was like getting divorced all over again. That is why you felt so gutted. Even if you liked the friend, you shouldn't have gotten together because you needed time to be alone, and you didn't get it. Now you suddenly have to deal with it and its all coming together so that the pain is doubled.

Answer 3

you needed more time to get over your marriage. So take the time now and do not get into a serious relationship for 1 year. By then your head will be clear and you will not be carrying the baggage with you to the next one. Good luck

Answer 4

It was to soon and maybe she knew that. When a marriage ends both partners need time to grieve and spend time alone. You cannot jump from one relationship to another as fast as that. You only end up bringing all of the hurts and baggage with you. I would advise you to spend some time alone. Get to know yourself again and move on from there.....Good luck

Answer 5

Having 2 failed relationships ending so close together is a knock back for anyone. Just take time out and chill. Go out with your mates and get your confidence back. You'll soon find the right 1.

Answer 6

it very well could be because you didn't allow yourself enough grieving time after your marriage. it could also be because you miss the friendship. this friend helped you through a hard emotional time once before,now here you are going through another emotional time and that friend isn't there for you to lean on this time. so you are double hurt.... hurt because that friend isn't there to help you get through and hurt because you've lost that friend. that's why people say its not good to date a friend because when the relationship fails, so does the friendship....moving on to someone else so quickly after your marriage only put a band-aid on your wounded heart. now the wound is opened and feels fresh again...try to gather up your guts and instead of moving on to someone else...take care of yourself, give yourself time to heal

Answer 7

you really didn't allow time to get over your divorce, a hurt heart takes time to heal,too much unresolved things. takes a good 2 to 3 years to get over a divorce, and it doesn't come easy. take some time out, to get to know yourself, and why your marriage broke up. when we have two failed relationships in such a short time it takes its toll, and we now have two hurts going on at the same time. we wonder what's wrong with us, why can't we be happy. but happiness is within, and doesn't come from others. have u considered going to church, or seeking god. many people have their own idea's on that, thinking god doesn't care, or he doesn't exist, but when my marriage ended it seemed i was so lost, no one to turn to, and than for the first time in my entire life, i became closer to the lord, by reading about him, by seeking him out, and now 3 years later i have finally healed my hurts, i can finally go into another relationship, and not take the anger of the past with me. good luck my friend, i know how u feel.

Answer 8

same thing happened 2me.i doubt your "grieving"your marriage break up.id say your just feeling really sh*te.take some time out from heavy relationships 4a while.you,ll be fine.heres a big squeeeeeeeezzzzzzee 2 be going on with.good luck xx

Answer 9

I feel that it is a combination of losing both relationships so close together. It is worse because in the first breakup you had your friend for support and friendship, and now you don't even have that.

Answer 10

Do you think you have nothign else going on for you? anything at all that you enjoy doing? becuase if that's the case it has nothing to do with your wife or this other woman, it's just your life gone dull in general?