all married people out there..need ur advice?

Question

I have been married for almost an year ...but my s''life is nearly dead..its b,coz he is never interested..a few months back he told me that he was in love with a girl but couldnt marry her b,coz of his parentsbut he,s over her and says he is happy wid me then what cud be the reason for aman to behave like this knowing that his wife is very romanticand he doesn,t seem to be doing anything about it..i cant have a kid with him unless i am sure he has accepted me in every way..i am 26 and he is 31..i hav tried talking to him but all in vain..the interesting part is that he wants a baby next year just to complete his family..in my view dat child wud be a symbol of his compromise and not of his love for me..i am new to his country whichis y i feel dat i shud stand on my own feet first rather than having a child wid such a husband..am i right

Answer 1

I do agree with you on this subject of having children They should be brought into this world with love. If the love is not there then you need to revaluate your relationship and whether it is worth continuing. Best of luck,
~Z~

Answer 2

Goodness me...........married almost a year and already problems in your s*x life. It sounds as though he may be happy with you but ........where is the love? Maybe he's not really over the other woman, maybe his parents still rule his life and thoughts. Maybe he is stressed out at work. Or maybe, he feels you married for the wrong reasons and has realised you are likely to leave him anyway. Any or all of those could be a contributory factor as to why he can't get interested in the s*x side of married life. Was interested that you commented that you are new in the country and should stand on your own feet..........and nothing about loving your husband and wanting to make things work.

Answer 3

I don't know how you view marriage, so it is difficult to give advice. Some people see it as a religious sacrament, others see it as a social duty, and some people see it as a convenient arrangement for bringing up children. And then there are some people who are hoping for a romantic fairy-tale.

So the first thing is to decide is what you want from a marriage and how ending yours compares with continuing with it.

From your description your husband seems to see you as possibly just a substitute for his mother or maybe just a possession. Just because he is 31 doesn't mean that he is actually an adult in his head.

Do you know much about an previous relationships he has had? Has he managed to sustain any previous relationships?

It is really stating the obvious, but if he doesn't change he'll stay just as he is now. You don't seem happy with how he is now, so will he change or will you?

Answer 4

Im sorry to hear that you are in a marriage like this. Dont have a child, stand on your own two feet. Be a strong and independant women.He told you that he was inlove with another girl and couldnt marry her because of his parents?was yours a marriage that his family planned for him then?I think that maybe he isnt the type of husband you deserve and he doesnt deserve a wife like you.Try not to be so excepting of his behaviour and excuses.Go and get out into the world.Dont be such a readily available wife. Make yourself busy dont seem needy.Dont be unhappy because he isnt able to see he has everything he needs in you. Good luck

Answer 5

I couldn't agree more than to brain lady's answer. A wife is not simply a trophy, a posession/ some property aquired. She is definitely not a baby generating machine. Do not succumb to your husbands unreasonable behavior. He needs to make a matured decision that you are the woman he is married to and if he wants to live the rest of his life with you then he has to make efforts to please you as well and not just pretend all is well.
sex is an important part of life in marraige...we cannot deny that and a woman has every right to ensure that she gets equal amount of care and affection from her husband. There is no need for you to feel obligated towards anyone for having a baby. This is entirely the couples decision. If one of you does and the other is not ready thats perfectly fine.

Answer 6

Forget about having a child with this jerk, why would you even marry somebody who came right out and said you are second best. Also what kind of 31 year old man is gonna let his parents pick out his wife or let them ruin the relationship with the girl he chose. However, you are married now. So go see a marriage counselor and try to figure out how to make it work. If you can't make it work at least there are no children involved to make the divorce more complicated.

Answer 7

you are his compromise to please his parents. How good does that make you feel! If you want to be tied to him and his parent's expectations for him to have a wife and a child and have no rights yourself, stay with him, otherwise- get out quick.

This is the uk- women have rights and individuals have rights. Do not have a child with him as you will be forever tied to his wishes and his families. What are you- a machine for making babies only? You should be a wife and a mother and a woman in her own right- not a possession!

get some help here in the uk and as you are a post graduate, you must have some skills to help you find work and get your independence. Then start enjoying life- it's 2006 for goodness sake not 1066!

Answer 8

I've been married for most of 19 years now, - and my best advice is this: get a divorce as quickly as you can! If your HUSBAND wanders around moping over a crush he's having on another girl then he's not worth your time and affections. I know this sounds harsh, but believe you me: If this has happened so soon in your marriage, this is NOT a good sign! I think he must have misunderstood the part of the marriage rite that covers the part of "forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?"
Get away from him as soon as you can!

Answer 9

First of all he married you cause he couldn't marry the other girl that he says he is in love with & you are ok with that. No you need to see what is going on with the 2 of you before any baby comes into you guys life.Personally I would never get over the I'm in love with her but I'll marry you thing.

Answer 10

Life is always a compromise. Secondly the child between u 2 wud be something in whom u wud have commonality of interest. It will also help him to forget his past.

Answer 11

OK you love him or not? He happy with you now but he married you because of his parents? Get your visa and go home run from this mans charade. Why trick you into no love marriage to supply him with a baby... You go find a man that will marry you for love and lust and all in between and have his baby and b happy.