engaged so soon?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months, but we have known each other for about 7 months or so. She lives in a different country and so we lived together for a bit and then she went back home because things were just kind of overwhelming at the beginning. The reason why I am posting is because we know that we love each other so much and that one day we want to get married, but it seems like lately she has been getting so upset because she wants to get engaged so soon and have the commitment and she gets upset because I don’t talk about it that much and I want to wait a bit so that we can get things taken care of first things like job, house and what not. She gets upset because she says we don’t have to get married for awhile; she just wants to get engaged. She protests that if we know that we want to be together and get married and such, why we should wait. I just say so we can take care of things before we get to that point and she gets so upset hearing things like that. I know she has had a last rough relationship and that she needs to reassured all the time, but she just will not let that go and brings it up all the time and just won’t give me a break about it when I told we were going to do it, I just wanted to take care of some things first and she just doesn’t think that that is the right thing to do. I love her death and we have some other issues we are dealing with right now, but that is the main thing.

How do I make her understand that waiting a bit is ok and that even though we both know we want to be together forever, it would be good just to make sure everything was pretty much inline. She is pretty stubborn about this so I don’t think is much to do, but I thought I would try. Thanks.

Answer 1

Get engaged which will make her mentally strong. After all both of you have liked each other and you want to get married sooner or later. You should not hesitate to do anything which will make your relationship stronger.

Answer 2

Given the fact that you live in different countries alone is reason not to get engaged. It is way to soon to consider that. You need to have a relationship that is up close and personal before making that sort of commitment. What is it she wants from you? Does she just want you to send her a ring? Does she want you to begin sending her money since she will be your "wife"?
She is giving you the excuse that you can be engaged for a long time is just BAIT! Once you agree then she will use considerably more pressure to get you to the alter. That's fine if you feel you love her. However, the foundation you both have set upon shaky "different" grounds. Your gut instincts and hesitation are a siren going off in your head as a WARNING ; IT is not time.
When you are truly ready then NOONE and NOTHING will stand in your way. Be careful she may just want citizenship within your country as well. Protect yourself and your finances.

Answer 3

You should only enter an engagement when you have full intentions on carrying through with marriage. Engagement isn't just another fun thing to do in a relationship, it is a way to show a commitment to marry someone. And it does not sound like you are in a place in your relationship or in your lives when either of you are ready to enter that sort of commitment to each other. You should not be bullied into getting engaged.

All you can really do is be honest with her. You are not ready to get engaged, but it doesn't change the fact that you love her and want your relationship to continue progressing, and would appreciate with unlimited gratitude if she stop trying to pressure you.

Telling her that you want it to be a surprise when you get engaged so that you can sweep her off her feet when she least expects it probably won't hurt, either.

Answer 4

=You have a good head on your shoulders. I think it is time you used it. It will hurt but you need to end it. You said you have other issues as well and that she is stubborn. I am sure you see all of the red flags here. Let your head rule on this one and not your heart. Good luck.