Why does a alcoholic, abusive relationship have to be so hard to walk away from?

Question

Only those with expierence need to respond. Really though!

Answer 1

"Hate the disease, love the alcoholic", is part of the answer. A lot of it is that, if you've been around alcoholics, you know that the mean, abusive person isn't REALLY the one you love...and yes, you do still love them, despite everything (that still doesn't mean you should endure abuse!).

Empathy, as someone wrote, is part of it and also fear that they may drink themselves to death if you don't keep saving them! That's a real concern, but no reason to keep being hit.

Another thing is that you may have a valid fear of what you'll do with yourself after leaving, financially, emotionally, socially! Some people are so worried they'll be poor, depressed or alone, that they stay with what's familiar, no matter how bad it is.

If this alcoholic in your life is making NO attempt to get help, and especially combined w/abuse, you NEED to get safe, esp. if there are kids!

Go to some Al-anon mtgs., and get the support you need...and also find a counseling clinic (if you don't have enough $). Call some friends or relatives and try leaving for awhile. Then talk to the person when they're dry, telling them: either the drinking and abuse stops for GOOD or you're gone forever.

But, don't expect miracles, sadly! Just be strong and take help where you can get it...and above all, DON'T let people put you down for staying w/someone you love! They don't understand how complicated and insidious this disease is, not just for the alcoholic.

Answer 2

Co-dependance...

When someone is in a relationship with an abuser and/or alcoholic (I will add drug addict) there is an added "I am taking care of" or "They are dependant on me" element.. The "victim" (non alcoholic/ non abuser/ non addict) feels they are responsible for taking care of and helping the "agressor" (alcoholic/ abuser/ adict)...

There is also an element of shame... "I am not good enough for anything but this".... Most people in relationships with abusers/ alcoholics have low self esteem whether they entered the relationship with it or they gained it during the relationship they still have it and getting them to realise they are worth more and deserve more is difficult...

Then there is the fear element... "If it's this bad in this relationship how bad is it alone?" "If it is this bad in this relationship will the next one be worse?" Better to stay with the monster you know than the unknown monster out there...

Alcohol and abuse tainted relationships don;t start out poorly most often they gradually become a living hell... Alot of times because it happens so gradually and so many excuses have been made alone the way it's hard for those involved to see the extent of the bad...

Those are a few of the reasons it is so difficult to leave the relationship.. In any given relationship the dynamic can be a bit different but each relationship you asked about has at least one of these key elements and most likely a few of them in differing degrees...

The best way to get someone you know to leave a relationship with an abuser/ alcoholic/ addict is to show them they are worthwhile, show them they are strong , show them they are not responsible for the other persons behavior or care... Show them they can make it on thier own...

Sadly many people will never leave these types of relationships, as friends and family of these people all we can do is continue to try until we are to exhausted to try anymore.... THere comes a time when you have to admit yu can only help someone so much before they have to help themselves...

Answer 3

I think it is because you, at one time, saw the potential in that person. You fell in love with that person either before or after or even when they were drinking. Alcoholics change from good and then get very bad toward the ones closest to them and then they regret to only drink more. That is a very difficult thing for anyone and all involved to go through. But you have to think about yourself and get away from it sorry to say. I wish you the very best.

Answer 4

i personally havent had expierience with it.. but my mom and dad had that. its love. i mean no matter what you love the person, its always gona be hard. you can re word the question and make it a new one.. like why would a jealous relashionship be hard to walk away from.. or even sometimes an unfaithful one. its because you love them... if youre going through this, even though i dont know whos being the abusive one.. good luck. really. try to work on it unless its too late.. even though its never really too late.. if its worth saving and working on.. do your best. sit down talk it out, make a plan and work towards it. i wish you the best!!

Answer 5

Its easier to stay in what is familiar.....than to go out into the unknown......Look up "codependence" on the net....it will explain a lot of why.....It has to do with shame and blame....and fear.....Guilt that there is no good reason for.....Its a sickness that keeps one with the sickness of an alcoholic abuser......But it is not fatal....you can get help and get on with a good life.....
Go get some help.......YOU DESERVE IT>>>>>YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE IN TORMENT DAY IN AND DAY OUT.......
Do it for yourself...you can make it....

Answer 6

i went through that with my ex husband, yes it is hard but you are more worthly than he is, and honey if you have kids get the hell out, your kids will watch all of this and think that is a way to grow up, then when they get older they will do the same thing, because thats all they saw growing up, be strong for yourself, he dont deserve you if he abuses you, ,,,email me if you need to please , good luck

Answer 7

my mom was in that...she says because she knows other wise..he is a great man, father, husband. She wanted to help him...feed him..take care his clothing.....but all in all at the end...she had to let him be...they are friends..he still drinks..but nothing she cando about it...she tried to make him get help..but you know...he wasn't for it...her being there gave him a edge on drinking,,,because he had someone doing everything for him....if they wont get help...got to let it go...

Answer 8

because we all love 2 drink and be jolly

Answer 9

empathy
Stuck on Stupid