He lost his Dad 10 yrs ago and enjoys verbally abusing me like a bully. We've been married 15 yrs and have not been intimate for 4 years. His Dad had prostate cancer and passed at 68yrs old. We're in our early 50's and his disrespect is co dependant, childish and killing the marriage for me.
2006-11-04 19:59:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All you can do is tell him that the marriage is dying and if he does not do his part in fixing it you will have to move on with the rest of your life.
2006-11-04 20:01:15 · answer #1 · answered by alilovespete 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband ever admit he is doing something wrong? If you feel so unhappy--the first thing is to make sure you communicate to him that his actions/words are hurting you and impacting your relationship. If he is unwilling to take responsibility--you may be letting him get away with too much. Sounds like somehow he is managing to use his dad's death as an excuse for his behavior! Depending on how serious this is for you...you need to make it clear that he will lose you if he does not change.
If he understands, but seems unable to change on his own--then you need to discuss counseling as one of several different options. Be persistent and patient...counseling can sometimes have a negative vibe and it may take some time for him to open up to the idea. If you have close friends who go to counseling, have them discuss the experience with your husband so he knows that its common and people like him go to and benefit from it. Also--consider starting counseling sessions on your own, to understand how to deal with the verbal and mental abuse you are experiencing. It can't be a healthy or happy environment for you and you deserve all the support you can get!
2006-11-05 04:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU need to go for counseling in order to deal with this. Don't rule out medication to help you deal with this, because I know from experience that a person can be beaten down over time and this affects the ability to see what's happening. With medication, it lifts some of the load...kind of like taking the blinders off. Because when things get stressful, you start ignoring more and more of the picture in order to deal with the rest. Eventually, you're just surviving day to day without really seeing the whole problem. Your own counseling might give you the resources and ideas needed to prod him into it. But if you've been treated like this for years, you first have to take care of yourself. I wish you the best, because it sounds like you're willing to fight for him. I admire that.
2006-11-05 04:29:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at your options of not being with him.
If you don't fear him, tell him you are prepared to leave him if he doesn't want to go to counselling with you.
I bet he deny's that he has a problem. There's not much hope of getting him to counselling if he is like that.
Sometimes the only thing to do, as much as it is traumatic in many ways, you need to pluck up courage, restore your self pride, dignity and strength and move on.
You know him best and how he may respond to various actions you can take with him. So nobody can tell you exactly how to act regarding your problems with him. Maybe go to counselling yourself and get a good lawyer to advise you of your options.
Leopards don't change their spots.
It's daunting to consider such big changes at this stage (age) in your life, but it's well worth it. Otherwise he'll haunt you to your grave.
2006-11-05 04:12:54 · answer #4 · answered by lulu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is terrified right now. He is scared to death the same thing will happen to him that happened to his Father. And his mortality is weighing heavy on him now. He realizes that he is not young and that life is alot shorter than he realizes. So who does he take it out on but the one closest to him, you. Unfortunately, if he is verbally abusing you he has lost respect for you. And if I were you and he would not agree to counseling then you go. There is nothing wrong in that. You need someone to talk to that can offer you possibly some alternatives to what your living now. Ask him to go with you. If he declines and berates you again, then you seriously need to think about yourself now. And move out. Then you will have his attention that you mean it. Good Luck.
2006-11-05 04:06:33 · answer #5 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps, an intervention with a well respected friend or sibling could illuminate the desire to change via psychotherapy, assuming that by counseling you are inferring mental health therapy.
If you are the object of the abuse, it may be best to find a licensed professional psychologist for yourself to meet with prior to deciphering the proper manner to address your marital issues.
Best of luck.
2006-11-05 04:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by DrunkenDialer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about counseling, but let him choose the counselor. Otherwise he will think you are just looking to gang up on him.
Btw, It takes 2 to make a bad marriage.
2006-11-05 04:02:07 · answer #7 · answered by Grabbag 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey it sounds like your marriage is already dead. and i think you know that. if you are unhappy and not even enjoying any sex life with this man...leave. i know it is easy for me to say. but if he isn't willing to try and make it better by going to counseling then you need to move on. find a roomie and get your own place hon. good luck
2006-11-05 04:01:15 · answer #8 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Save yourself...do whatever you need to take care of you.....You cannot "get" him to do anything. If you continue to let him treat you in that way,,,he will never stop....Are You not worth more than that?????
4 yrs???....that's dead.....what is left to kill?
2006-11-05 04:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you'll take him to hooters after conseling session..
2006-11-05 04:13:02 · answer #10 · answered by MamasaidknockUout_1978 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋