Am I a coward? or is it just my social anxiety?

Question

Im 19 and I was recently diagnosed with social anxiety a couple years back. What I want to know is, can social anxiety make you afraid of confrontations with ANYBODY? and make you doubt yourself? I get soooo choked up and teary eyed whenever somebody gets mad at me and confronts me. I HATE that. and its like i cant get mad for some reason. I try to defend myself but its like im so paralyzed i dont say or do what i want to say. my chest tightens up and i start to shake. I feel like such a coward afterwards and beat myself up. and i avoid people and situations that will lead to conflict. but i try to force myself to do so. it shouldnt be like that. i shouldnt have to worry about what people think about me, and have coinfedence in myself. ive only been in one fight and i was so paralyzed i only defended myself, i dont even remember if i threw a punch. im just so afraid of embarrassing myself in front of everybody. and its like it makes no sense to me. even if i know i can take the person.

And like i said its weird cuz its like even if the person is little and im 100% sure i can kick their @ss im still the same way. and its funny that you all brought up the subject about how parents can be the cause of this. because as a child my mother would always say things that make me feel like what i did wasnt good enough, i mean i dont think she did it intentionally, but she herself also had overlycritical parents. but she would tell me that certain habbits i have would bother other people and think badly of me, but when it came down to it, she is the only one who would have anything to say about it. and if i had told her that, she would tell me.."they arent going to tell you to your face they will talk about you behind your back". which might of made me worry about what people think of me. also to that first question, i may say that i have fear when confronting people, but that doesnt mean that i dont have it in me to completley embarrass your @ss. the true me is somewhere inside

Answer 1

You're a coward with social anxiety disorder. Next question.

Answer 2

You shouldn't be fighting with anyone. The use of force is immoral except in self-defense. The same goes for verbal confrontations, with the implication that if you don't agree, then you will be attacked physically. For anything like that you can simply walk away, or if attacked run for help and you are never a coward, you are a civilized being, unlike your attacker who is a criminal.

But when violence is off the table and two reasonable persons are confronting an issue between them, then is the time to state your position calmly and succinctly, back it up with facts and reason, and try to reach some conclusion satisfactory to each of you. You might lose, but you might learn something. To give in or lie would be the the coward's way out. The only cowardly thing to do is descend to the level of an animal, or to be dishonest with another person or yourself.

All this might be difficult in school where violence and bullying is commonplace as social activities take precedence over the education you're really there to receive. But you have to be the bigger person, you men of thought and reason, and follow your passions, ignoring the socialites and criminals, to get what you want, which is knowledge, and get out with your mind and self-esteem intact.

If you want confidence you have to achieve something. Get perfect grades, go that extra step, do more than anyone else, and you'll feel the pride and confidence growing and no one will be able to take that away from you. Once you have your education, a brilliant job you love, and the money that inevitably comes from such work, you will have happiness.

Answer 3

Hang in there. 90% of what you described reminds me of myself when I was a teenager. I know exactly how you feel. It's definitely something you're born with. Neither of my parents were that way, but for some reason - I was. I have even had dreams where I tried to fight back but it was like my fists weighed 50 pounds a piece.
Well, I would suggest to build your confidence up one situation at a time. When someone challenges you, challenge them back. Chances are, they are just trying to test you and will back down when they see they can't intimidate you. If a fight does break out just jump right in and let loose all your frustration and anxiety of all the people that have attacked or confronted you for the last 10 years. And remember this, no one can do anything to you because no one can kill your soul. Shakespeare said "a coward dies a thousand deaths". When you get scared in one of those situations, it's like you die because of losing your dignity. It would be better to be brave and just die once than to have to keep going through all of that. I know it's not easy, but start seeing a psychologist and have them work with you until you come up to a comfortable level. You'll be fine. Didn't mean to make it so lengthy

Answer 4

I would say it's definitely social anxiety. I struggle with it too. I can totally relate to the feelings you listed. It becomes very frustrating you feel like your trying to make yourself something your not. These last few months I've been learning to deal with anxious feelings more and more. I still have a hard time dealing with direct face to face confrontation but I'm getting better at it. I wonder if you had a parent or close authority figure that always belittled you. So now confrontation with others makes you feel extremely uncomfortable because your always nervous of how the other person will act. Eventually I think you'll learn how to cope with these feelings and overcome them. One of my big worries is worrying what people think of me. Maybe one day you'll overcome the anxiety by not caring what others think. It takes time but eventually you'll get over it.

Answer 5

"Social anxiety" is a very new piece of jargon, thought up by the drug indrustry to sell new products! We USED to call it "shyness"! What you describe sounds like it only occurs when people are mean to you. That's a pretty normal reaction, especially if you were either a) never taught to stand up for yourself or b) you think you aren't worth much. I was taught to fight back and to think I was worthy, so if any kid ever did mean things to me, they either got dressed-down VERY LOUDLY or beaten up! I'm not sayingall this is a good thing, but you need to develop SOME confidence and ability to defend yourself.

Did your parents drag you down with constant criticism and make you feel less than worthy? That is the most usual reason people feel like you do. If your parents are the problem still, you need to get another, caring adult involved, like a teacher or counselor, and get them to back off. Even though you're not a minor, parents can still cause a LOT of grief!

Since you're having so much of a problem, and society IS more violent now, you should get into counseling with someone who can help you counterract the negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones.

A good type of counseling is "Cognitive-Behavioral therapy" or CBT (ask your school counselor or call one of those hotlines, to see where you can get that). It has you practice counterracting irrational, negative thoughts and feelings with positive, rational ones.

Also, try some martial arts, like Tae kwon do. You will gain confidence and know that if you HAVE to, you can defend youself!

Answer 6

I just figured i would chime in on the subjct as i have social anxiety disorder also. maybe the correct term is i had it, as it hasnt bothered me in any major way for years. How did i overcome it? well the answer may sound silly, but i started going to a karaoke bar in anoter cit where nobody knew me. after going there and watching for over a month i finally got up barely enough nerve to go up and sing a song (mack the knife by bobby darin) I did this bout once a week and after about three months the fear left me altogether. this confidence in social situations jut sort of branched out tfrom there.

Answer 7

I wouldn't classify your issues as being a coward. You are a scaredy-cat and could have low self esteem.

Man up is all you need to do. Do you have any close friends that can slap you around a time or two and tell you to get it together????

And what the hell is social anxiety????? Don't let these doctor folks convince you that there is something wrong with you. They get paid to make a diagnosis, however bizarre the diagnosis may be or sound.

Answer 8

You are not a coward. Nor do you have to prove yourself to any one but you.

Perhaps you should see a professional and come up with some ways of dealing with your anxiety. A diagnosis is just a starting point... if you want to live on your terms, there is work to be done to get there. A psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor can help you learn to help yourself.

Go for it! You deserve to get mad and be as pissy as the rest of us clowns!

Best Wishes - Andrea

Answer 9

I was bullied when I was young. I still get bullied sometimes. People always told me to just ignore them and they'll give up. Back then I was still in school and ignoring them wasn't really that easy.

Recently I was bullied by a bunch of girls whom I thought were my friends over some guy I liked. Part of me wanted to fight back, part of me just got scared. Then I realized ignoring really works because they stopped when I treated them like dust, as if they did not exist. The more I'll fight the more they get on it, so I rather kept quiet and let them think they have won as long as they don't bother me.

YOU ARE NOT A COWARD. You are "taking the higher road."

We're here for you!

Answer 10

Hi there, I just laugh about my past 3 years of panic now. I was not able to go anywhere without carrying xanax. Fear of having another attack was the most important subject of my days.When i first found joe barry's web site i started to cry because of my happiness.

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